As you are aware, I decided to take a hiatus from writing Otalia posts. I realized early on that there wasn’t going to be much to write about until Jessica Leccia (Natalia Rivera) returned from maternity leave. I also had a deep suspicion that the Guiding Light writing team wouldn’t have a good story line for Crystal Chappell (Olivia Spencer) while Leccia was away. Unfortunately, I was right about that, too. I realized fans were going to see nothing but “broken Olivia,” which was downright unbearable. It was just far too depressing to watch “broken Olivia,” so I actually stopped watching shortly after I wrote this post. I decided to catch back up on the Otalia story once I knew Jessica Leccia would reappear on Guiding Light (August 17, 2009 episode).

For me, the week of August 17 on Guiding Light was a critical week. It would help me make my final decision on if I would continue to write about Otalia or quit. As I wrote in my July 26, 2009 post, I was leaning towards quitting. Nonetheless, I wanted to be sure because I was torn between continuing and quitting the Otalia posts. During my hiatus, I had time to figure things out (just like Natalia). I knew I wanted to quit as the weeks passed and I didn’t miss writing the posts. That internal tug of war I experienced went away, and I felt at peace with my decision to quit writing the Otalia posts. I also didn’t miss Otalia that much when I quit watching for a few weeks either. It helped that I managed to start de-investing myself from Otalia around the time I wrote this June 23, 2009 post. Despite my acceptance that I was quitting the Otalia posts, I wanted to be 100% sure I was doing the right thing. I would say I was 99% sure I wanted to quit for weeks; however, I wanted to wait for Jessica Leccia to return and see if I felt a spark of something. I wanted to know if there was something there…if there was something that would make me change my mind. I wanted know if I would magically get my Otalia writing mojo back; nothing is impossible. As a result, I watched Otalia closely, and I watched the week of August 17 very carefully. Did I feel a spark? To put it simply, yes…but there is a “but.”

So What’s the Deal?

I see the chemistry between Jessica Leccia and Crystal Chappell is still there. A blind person could see that; however, there are issues with the Otalia story line that troubles me. Allow me to explain.

Issue #1 – The “Frankenbaby”

There is no doubt that the “Frankenbaby” is real at this point. At the time, I wrote that I didn’t think Natalia was pregnant. Well, I was wrong. I just didn’t think the writers were honestly and truly going to make Natalia pregnant…you know, for real, for real. This whole “Frankenbaby” angle still makes no sense to me. I have issues about it that I will detail later, but I want to discuss one thing in particular.

There was an unspoken agreement between the show and fans. We were “asked” to ignore that Jessica Leccia was pregnant on screen when Guiding Light didn’t hide her pregnancy. As a fan, I did what the show “asked” of me because I stopped writing about how they weren’t hiding Leccia’s pregnancy (at times). However, the reality is that you couldn’t help but notice it because the show didn’t always succeed at hiding her pregnancy. I am mentioning Guiding Light not hiding Leccia’s pregnancy for a reason. That reason is simple: I was asked to ignore the pregnancy of obviously pregnant actress for months. However, Ellen Wheeler and Jill Lorie Hurst made Leccia’s character pregnant on Guiding Light right before she had a baby in real life. I just have to laugh at the ridiculous irony because it wasn’t worth getting angry over. Once I knew for sure that Natalia was carrying “Dr. FrankenCooper’s” baby, I knew that all logic had been tossed out the window.

Issue #2 – “Fembot Natalia” is Still Activated & Online

No one was happier than I was to see Natalia back on Guiding Light. However, my excitement at seeing Natalia was dampened by the fact that “fembot Natalia” is still present in the Otalia story. For me, it wasn’t so much what Natalia said on the August 18, 2009 and August 19, 2009 episodes. Yes, she said some dialog that didn’t make sense. Primarily, it’s what she didn’t say that bothered me the most. When “Dr. FrankenCooper” started talking about marriage, “my Natalia” should have disposed him of that notion immediately. Obviously, “fembot Natalia” was suppressing “my Natalia’s” vocal chords. When “fembot Natalia” did speak, she did say some things that puzzle me, mainly to Olivia. For the most part, I’m referring to Natalia’s explanations to Olivia on why she left. I was waiting to see if Natalia would have a good and reasonable explanation for going into “fembot Natalia” mode. I didn’t get that. I pretty much got the same dialog she said to Father Ray (the week of June 29, 2009). I’m sorry, but that just wasn’t good enough. Natalia should have had one helluva, logical explanation for not calling/texting/tweeting Olivia and taking off without a word. There wasn’t a deeper, hidden reason in her past that explained why Natalia ran off the way she did. Instead, I got recycled dialog from the week of June 29, 2009. Again, that wasn’t good enough for this Otalia fan, and that wasn’t a good enough explanation for Olivia either. I connect issue #2 with issue #1 – the “Frankenbaby” angle.

Issue #3 – Natalia’s Character Was Sacrificed on the “Altar of Bullshit”

I am still bothered how Natalia Rivera was sacrificed on the “altar of bullshit.” What is the “altar of bullshit” you ask? It refers to damaging (or destroying) a character – one that many loved, which includes me – and making them do or say illogical things for the sake of plot. That is what happened to Natalia’s character with this “Frankenbaby” angle. It was also the day “fembot Natalia” was activated and “my Natalia” went offline. I was hoping there would be a damn good reason why the Natalia character was damaged for this “Frankenbaby” angle. I don’t see one. I have my suspicions why the Natalia character was damaged. Ironically enough, many of those suspicions that I have, I wrote about in my special edition May 6, 2009 post.

Ultimately, I feel like Ellen Wheeler and Jill Lorie Hurst had no plan for writing Jessica Leccia off the show for her maternity leave. They had months to plan something far better (and more logical) than the “Frankenbaby” angle. In writing this pregnancy into the Otalia story, Wheeler and Hurst did major harm to a beloved character…for no logical reason. And let’s be honest here. The “Frankenbaby” is 100% illogical because I still do not see how Natalia wouldn’t have known she was pregnant a helluva lot sooner. She slept with Frank in February 2009, but she didn’t find out she was pregnant until the end of June 2009 (damn near into July). Ummm…do they think fans can’t count? Do they think we are not paying attention? Well, here is a breaking news alert. Many of us learned to count as pre-schoolers watching Sesame Street or The Electric Company. I mean, I distinctly remember Maria on Sesame Street teaching me to count to 10 in Spanish. I also distinctly remember the 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12 song (see this video) that helped me learn to count in The Electric Company. Therefore, since the fans did learn to count, we know the numbers just don’t add up. Nevertheless, it seems like Wheeler and Hurst wanted to torture the Otalia fans, unnecessarily, with more angst that is pointless. Once again, I connect issue #3 with issue #1 – the “Frankenbaby” angle.

Issue #4 – Otalia is Clearly Getting the “Nuke Treatment”

I know that many fans have been clamoring for the first mutual kiss between Olivia and Natalia. The lack of a kiss didn’t bother me much because I enjoyed the slow build up and increasing affectionate touches. You just don’t get many affectionate gestures between soap couples anymore. Otalia made me enjoy the affection, as they seemed to build up to a mutual kiss. I felt like Olivia and Natalia were heading to their first mutual kiss the week of June 8, 2009. I thought we were going to get a kiss soon, until the story deviated into the valley of depression and stayed there. The introduction of the “Frankenbaby” and the resulting angst has put a kiss so far out of orbit that it’s probably never going to happen. The “Frankenbaby” angle has also made me realize something else. Otalia is definitely getting the “Nuke treatment.” Let me explain what that is first.

• “Nuke treatment” – This is the unnecessary torture of gay or lesbian characters, particularly if fans like the couple. This also refers to unequal treatment of gay and lesbian characters that cannot kiss and experience the same level of intimacy (aka on screen sex scenes) as heterosexual characters. The Nuke treatment originated with the Luke and Noah characters (squish name is Nuke) on fellow Proctor & Gamble soap, As the World Turns. Despite Nuke’s popularity (early on), there seemed to be a ban on a kiss (after the first one) and a real (not implied) sex scene with the couple.

In the beginning, I was hoping that Otalia wasn’t going to get the “Nuke treatment.” Unlike Nuke, Otalia was written carefully and with realism for many, many months. Because Otalia’s story was told so beautifully (until “Frankenbaby”), I actually had some hope for intimacy just like any other soap couple. I felt like since this was 2009, Otalia would have equality like heterosexual couples. Unfortunately, even Otalia couldn’t escape the clutches of the “Nuke treatment.”

I see what’s going on here, and it honestly pisses me off. I don’t know who is responsible – The Powers That Be, CBS, etc. – for giving Otalia the “Nuke treatment,” but it is blatantly unfair. In my eyes, Otalia is just like any other soap couple, so they should be allowed be intimate…just like any other soap couple. Nevertheless, I have accepted that Otalia won’t be given equal treatment, and that is truly sad. Otalia was a story that pulled in heterosexual and homosexual fans. It opened many people’s eyes and made them see that love is love, no matter whom that person is. I view Otalia as a groundbreaking story because it did open minds and hearts on all forms of love. Unfortunately, it didn’t open some people’s minds and hearts enough to allow Otalia to rise above the “Nuke treatment.” I connect issue #4 with closed-minded people.

Issue #5 – Otalia was Rebooted to March/April 2009

When I watched the week of August 17, I realized that in many ways, Otalia was rebooted to March and April 2009. I heard similar dialog and saw similar actions that occurred when Natalia was going to marry Frank. In a couple of instances, Olivia’s dialog and actions was rebooted prior to April 2009. A perfect example of what I’m talking about is when Olivia said she was going to help Frank marry Natalia in the August 19, 2009 episode. This was oddly similar to what I’ve seen before when Frank and Natalia were together. Essentially, I am seeing recycled dialog and actions with Otalia. The story has been rebooted to certain points in Otalia’s earlier timeline, which is a shame and just plain distressing. When I saw the recycled material in Otalia the week of August 17, I actually started laughing. I laughed because it’s better than getting angry and annoyed. If anything, I saw the irony at play here; it was as clear as sunshine on a hot Florida day.

Otalia was refreshingly free and clear of recycled material. Many soaps recycle material from prior story lines to “tell new stories” that we’ve seen a hundred times with couples. Since Guiding Light is ending, I truly didn’t think Otalia would fall into the recycled material trap. The recycling of dialog and actions has spread like swine flu on other soaps. To see it affect Otalia just made me laugh and laugh heartily at that. Once again, I’m a long time soap fan who is very jaded. I get it. I understand what’s going on when it comes to soap writing, especially for super couples. I just can’t believe this is happening to a story line that’s ending in a few weeks. I connect issue #5 with the condition known as recycling rather than writing that infects the soap opera industry like the plague.

I see other issues with the Otalia story line that I won’t detail. Yet, I see enough issues that boggle my mind – all of which are problematic. It isn’t very inspiring for me, and it makes me glad that I de-invested myself from Otalia. I can watch this story line without raising my blood pressure and getting angered. It is what it is, and I have accepted that whatever happens just frakin happens. It’s sad, but that’s the way it is when I view Otalia right now.

Is There Any Good to Otalia Now?

I would be remiss to point out the good to Otalia now that Jessica Leccia is back, which leads me to my first good point.

The Good #1 – Jessica Leccia Back on My Screen

My love affair with Jessica Leccia’s facial expressions is well documented in my Otalia posts. I also grew to appreciate Leccia as an actress who blossomed in the role of Natalia Rivera. I knew I was going to miss her when she went on maternity leave. I just didn’t realize how much I missed her.

To be blunt, there was no Otalia without Jessica Leccia. That was “crystal” clear when I grew a bit disinterested in Otalia without having both Leccia and Chappell on my screen. Something was off whenever I saw Chappell as Olivia. Other than the story line for the Olivia character (99% of it that I didn’t like), I realized what was wrong. There was no Jessica Leccia. As the weeks passed, I found that absence definitely made my heart grow fonder for Leccia’s work as Natalia. Watching Chappell without Leccia was like being on a fast for a month. I couldn’t wait to stop fasting and eat some food!

When Leccia returned to Guiding Light on the August 17, 2009 episode, I smiled the entire time she was on my screen. Seriously, I think my face was frozen in a smile when I got my first fresh Leccia fix since July 2009. Sadly, I confess I resorted to watching old Otalia clips because I missed “my Natalia” so much. When I resorted to watching clips to see Leccia and reminisce over “my Natalia” to forget “fembot Natalia,” I knew what was going on. I knew beyond any doubt that I was closeted Team Dimples fan who’d finally come out of the closet.

Ever since the April 22, 2009 episode, I truly believe I was a closeted Team Dimples fan for many months. When I re-read a sample of my Otalia posts, I realized that I sometimes focused on Natalia’s growth after the love confession. Yes, I also discussed Olivia as well, but I feel like I was walking the path towards Team Dimples from the way I wrote about Natalia.

In all honesty, I love Jessica Leccia and Crystal Chappell as actresses equally. They have both been essential to this story line. Otalia does not work with either one of them, and Leccia and Chappell have been very dedicated in their roles. However, I have felt that Leccia has not received enough kudos and attention for her work in the role of Natalia Rivera. I noticed it and found that I didn’t like Leccia being overlooked by others. Therefore, to Jessica Leccia, I have the following to say to you.

Special Message to Jessica Leccia

You are great, and you are wonderful. I truly appreciate your work in the role of Natalia Rivera. I didn’t know how much I appreciated you until I couldn’t see you for a month on Guiding Light. If Crystal Chappell is the light bulb to the Otalia story, you are the filament. Without the filament, there is no light. That was completely evident to me without you. I missed you while you were on maternity leave. I sincerely appreciate you for coming back early and completing the Otalia story. I have to say that you did not deserve to have your character sacrificed on the “altar of bullshit” for the sake of plot. You deserved far better than that. I am angered on your behalf for the damage that was done to Natalia because of illogical plot. Nevertheless, now that you are back, the Otalia light bulb is shining its light again. Thank you for being so dedicated in the Natalia Rivera role. Know that I appreciate you, and you have a fan in me for life. Good luck on Venice, motherhood, and any endeavor that you do. If you can conceive it, you can achieve it. I will be watching and waiting for your star to rise and shine brighter than ever.

The Good #2 – Natalia is Chasing Olivia

Despite seeing traces of “fembot Natalia” with Leccia’s return, I finally saw an episode of Guiding Light where I got nothing but “my Natalia.” That episode was the August 21, 2009. Was this encouraging? Yes, it was encouraging. As of August 21, it appears that Natalia is going to do the chasing that I needed her to do (see my July 12, 2009 post). I loved seeing the only version of Natalia that matters and makes sense – “my Natalia” – for an entire episode. I am seeing the Natalia that refused to give up on Olivia back in the April 22, 2009 and April 23, 2009 episodes. Not only am I seeing old school Natalia, but she is doing something new that I found very interesting.

In the August 21, 2009 episode, I noticed Natalia seems to be on a path of expressing her love for Olivia in words and actions. If you’ve been reading my previous posts, I have discussed how Olivia and Natalia express their love for each other. To recap, Olivia doesn’t express her love for Natalia verbally (as much), but she shows it in her actions. Natalia expresses her love for Olivia verbally, but she doesn’t always show it in her actions. It seems like Natalia could be showing her love in actions and words to fix the rift with Olivia. This is something that I love seeing; however, I am concerned this won’t sustain.

I’m going to be honest here. I do not trust the writing for the Natalia character (or the Olivia character for that matter). I am watching this story on a day-to-day basis with the idea that what I see one day will not apply the next day. Believe me, it helps that I watch Otalia this way and with this mindset. I know that I am no longer watching a story that had a logical route down the freeway of love. I am now watching a story that detoured down the illogical dirt road back in July. As a result, I am fully prepared for another illogical schism in this story because I do not know if “fembot Natalia” is truly deactivated and offline. I cannot even say that I have hope that “my Natalia” is back for good. Of course, I want “my Natalia” on my screen from this point forward, but I learned long ago, it doesn’t matter what the fans want in the soap industry. Again, I watch it on a day-to-day basis with the idea that what I’m seeing today will change tomorrow.

The Good #3 – The Otalia Magic is Still There

Despite the unequal treatment and issues with the Otalia story, the magic is still there. When Natalia called out Olivia’s name and got her attention on the August 17, 2009 episode, I said, “good God!” aloud. Jessica Leccia’s first scenes with Crystal Chappell were like seeing Las Vegas lit up against the Nevada sky. The intensity and chemistry between these actresses is as strong as ever. Even when Natalia and Olivia argued, nothing could extinguish the fire. To this day, I feel like there is no other soap couple that radiates the kind of chemistry like Otalia. It is unfortunate Otalia will not get to express that chemistry through normal intimacy. I have a feeling a mutual kiss and a sex scene between Olivia and Natalia would make the fans reach for a cigarette. Even those of us who don’t smoke would need one.

The Good #4 – Olivia Isn’t Making it Easy for Natalia

I always hoped that Olivia wouldn’t make things easy for Natalia when she returned. Considering the circumstances of how Natalia left, Olivia should be difficult with Natalia. I want Olivia to make Natalia “beg for it” and keep Natalia coming after her. I see that Olivia is doing exactly what she should be doing. Yes, it’s a bit hard watching Olivia taking the hard line with someone as lovable as “my Natalia.” However, as Olivia said, “fembot Natalia” left her without a word. Olivia is hurt, and she is in “hard boiled egg” mode right now, which is completely understandable. I think Olivia will forgive Natalia, but for now, she is making Natalia go through hoops, as she should. Natalia didn’t trust in their love, so she’s going to have to work hard to repair the damage.

The Good #5 – Crystal Chappell is Putting Actors to Shame That “Phone it In”

Crystal Chappell has been signed to Days of Our Lives since June 2009. Unlike some actors who shall remain nameless, she isn’t “phoning it in” for the remainder of her time on Guiding Light. She is putting other actors to shame that leave for another show and “phone it in” while they wait to be written off. I’ll even take it one step further. Chappell is putting any soap actor that “phones it in” (for any reason) to shame. Her work on Guiding Light remains extraordinary. Chappell is showing me that she is an absolute professional by continuing to pull out performances that make you pay attention to everything she does. For any soap actor who thinks it’s okay to “phone it in,” look at Crystal Chappell and rethink what you’re doing. Chappell exemplifies professionalism and commitment as an actress. If Jessica Leccia is the filament, then Crystal Chappell is the light bulb in the Otalia story. To Crystal Chappell, I have to say the following:

Special Message to Crystal Chappell

Watching you act is like having Christmas every day. It is unbelievable what you can convey as the Olivia character with or without words. You have impressed me so much as Olivia that I think I will have a hard time watching you in another role. You endeared Olivia Spencer to me with your dedication to bringing this character to life. I appreciate you for putting your all into the Olivia character. Believe me, it is evident that you are committed as an actress, and I admire that kind of commitment. That said, you didn’t deserve the “broken Olivia” story line while Jessica Leccia was on maternity leave. You deserved better. However, despite the “broken Olivia” story line, I could see that you were committed to doing your job and doing it extraordinarily well. Just like “your Jessie,” you are one of my favorite actresses in daytime and primetime, period. Good luck in all that you do, and know that this fan for life is appreciative to the beauty you deliver on screen.

With All that Said, Do I Quit or Continue the Otalia Posts?

As I said earlier in this post, I felt a spark of something when Jessica Leccia returned, mostly because of the August 21, 2009 episode. However, it isn’t enough for me. I feel 100% certain that I will quit writing the Otalia posts. I am in jaded soap fan mode because of how the Otalia story has deviated into…whatever this is. If I continue to write about Otalia, I have a feeling most of my posts would pick apart why the dialog or story is illogical. I don’t want waste my time doing that cause it would essentially be the same post every week. Remember, the Otalia story is on an illogical path thanks to the “Frankenbaby” angle.

Additionally, as I stated earlier, I have de-invested myself from Otalia. I do not have the same love in my heart for Otalia that I had in June 2009 (and prior). Therefore, my commitment level to suffering pain (no sleep) to write these posts is not the same as it once was. I love Otalia pre-“Frankenbaby,” but I dislike nearly everything post-“Frankenbaby.” This post-“Frankenbaby” era of Otalia has been hard for me to watch, let alone analyze. I cannot commit myself to analyzing stuff that doesn’t make sense for Otalia posts.

I have to say that post-“Frankenbaby” era is painful to watch. I am tired of seeing strong female characters – Olivia and Natalia – crumble into weak and pathetic women. Again, they are getting the “Nuke treatment,” and that is a damn shame. At this point, I am only watching Otalia because of the respect I have for Crystal Chappell and Jessica Leccia. On a serious note, if it weren’t for the show going off the air in a few weeks, I would have quit Otalia. The writing for this couple has become disappointing, which is sad. Yes, it is possible to love a couple, but if the writing for them sucks, I will walk away. This jaded soap fan doesn’t accept just anything that soap writers throw at them. I will quit your show in a heartbeat if it’s bad. I am sticking with Otalia only for Leccia and Chappell. Despite my feelings for the writing, those two lovely actresses have never disappointed me. I am only still paying attention to Otalia because I love Leccia and Chappell’s work, so I can watch for a few more weeks.

Now that you know how I feel about Otalia, I think you can see why I am quitting the posts. In addition to all of that, I just don’t have much time right now. The 9-5 has me on a grueling schedule of 12-hour days, nearly every day for the next month. I do not have much time for myself, let alone time to write about a couple that has uninspiring writing. If the writing were good, I would try to make some time, somewhere to write an occasional Otalia post. Unfortunately, the writing for Otalia is not good. As of today, I am officially resigned from writing Otalia posts. It will take something absolutely extraordinary to bring me out of retirement. When I say extraordinary, it’s going to have to be something similar to what drove me to write about Otalia in the first place. In the past, that catalyst was the wedding and Otalia love confession back in April 2009. I seriously doubt something like that is on the horizon for Otalia, so I feel sure that I am retired for good.

But there is another “but” that I will explain shortly.

So What’s Next?

I have a few projects in the pipe, but I also wanted to address some other things that people have been asking me. I felt this was the perfect opportunity to address those questions.

Venice the Series

Some of you have asked me if I will write about Venice on Twitter. Venice is the web series that will star Crystal Chappell and Jessica Leccia. I have to say that right now, I am inclined to say I probably won’t. I do not know that much about Venice other than the bits of information that I see on Twitter. It’s hard to say you will write about something when you haven’t seen it. I am doubtful that I will write about Venice, but never say never. I will have to wait and see how I feel when the show airs.

Days of Our Lives

I have received a few tweets on Twitter asking me if I will write about Crystal Chappell’s story line on Days of Our Lives. I haven’t seen Chappell’s scenes as Dr. Carly Manning and won’t until September. Nevertheless, I seriously doubt I will write about her story line. I have concerns that the writing on Days of Our Lives isn’t going to be good enough for Chappell’s talent.

I was watching Days of Our Lives (January 2009) before Chappell announced she was returning. The writing on that show was mostly disastrous other than the writing for Safe (Sami and Rafe). Granted, I am behind on my Safe scenes on Days of Our Lives, but I am aware of what’s going on. My youngest brother is still watching, and he says the show’s writing is still good for Safe; the other stuff is not good. I trust my brother’s instincts since he knows what’s good and bad writing on soap operas, just like me. For Crystal Chappell’s sake, I hope the writing comes up to her level as an actress. She deserves better than what I have seen on Days of Our Lives. I would feel better if I knew whoever is writing for Safe is writing for Chappell.

Personal Projects – Novels & TV Series

I am mostly focusing my attention on personal projects. Writing about Otalia in addition to the necessary prep time (analysis of the footage) took up a lot of time. I was having a hard time trying to work on my own projects and write about Otalia. I have a neglected trilogy that I am itching to get back to writing. I also have another trilogy that I am outlining ideas for in my spare time. On top of that, I have a sequel for a finished novel to write. I also need to start pursuing a publishing deal again. I am a writer, and I love writing novels. If you think my Otalia posts are enjoyable, I feel like I really shine as a writer through my novels. It’s time I share my work with the rest of the world. To do that, I have to get back on the grind of pursuing a publishing deal. I know I am good at what I do. I just need to get someone to believe in me and take a chance. It will happen. It’s only a matter of time.

Other than my novels, I am working on developing a TV series of my own with my youngest brother. This project was totally accidental. It came out of the frustration that we see in soap operas and our desire to fix the craptastic writing if we had the chance. My youngest brother and I would always bounce ideas for story lines to fix the soaps we love. However, we know we’ll never be hired to write for daytime TV. As a result, we’re going to take our ideas and develop our own primetime series with soap opera elements. This format works for shows like True Blood. It will work for our show as well. This is an exciting project for both of us, and we are actively working on developing the series every week. Having to write a series is a new challenge for me, and I am enjoying it. We shall see what happens. We are working to recruit our film-making brother into the team; he writes scripts and wrote his own soap (and a very impressive one) when he was 11 years old. Obviously, this kind of thing is in our blood as siblings.

Otalia

As I stated earlier, I’m not quite done with Otalia. I have three more Otalia-related projects in the pipe. I am definitely going to finish my Otalia Jessica Leccia Edition. I will also write the Otalia Crystal Chappell Edition. Those would be my final Otalia posts. As for when they are coming, that’s a good question. As I said earlier, the 9-5 has me working 12 hour days (as a norm) for the next month. With everything that’s going on, it’s hard to find time to write about Otalia, let alone get enough sleep each night. I consider it low priority in comparison to all of my other writing projects. Nonetheless, I will work on those posts when I find the time.

I mentioned a third Otalia-related project. I don’t want to say anything much about it right now, but I am developing something that you will appreciate. I’m still working out the details, but you will know about it here. So, subscribe to my site’s RSS feed to stay informed.

Final Thoughts

Writing these posts has allowed me to grow as a writer. On a serious note, I didn’t know that I could analyze and write like this until I started writing about Otalia. I have my moments where even I am surprised about what comes out. Discovering that I had the ability to write this way was a pleasant surprise. I’m a person who loves to learn new things, and I definitely learned a lot writing about Otalia.

Just because I’m not writing about Otalia anymore doesn’t mean that I won’t talk about it. Since I am free from the constraints of my Otalia writing method, I can talk about Otalia on Twitter; however, I will remain spoiler free. If you want to, you can follow me on Twitter or subscribe to my FriendFeed account.

I want to say thank you to everyone who has read my Otalia posts. I keep saying that I appreciate your support, and I really do mean that. I hope you stick with me here on WriteTilt.com. You never know what else I am cooking up my sleeve. Thank you so much for your love and support!

Note: If you comment and choose to leave a spoiler, please identify it in advance with the word “spoiler,” or even separate it out to alert me that a spoiler is coming. I read everyone’s comments, but if I see the word “spoiler,” I stop reading at that point.

I got off to a late start watching Guiding Light episodes for the week of July 13. Because I had to put in mandatory overtime for the 9-5, I didn’t see any of the show until July 18. I then went into serious analysis mode for the week and attempted to write an Otalia post. I realized late last night (July 18) that there isn’t anything worth writing about…at least like one of my usual posts. So once again, I scrapped my regular Otalia post and started writing this one instead.

The Otalia week for July 13 did not advance the story line. All I got was more “broken Olivia” at the Bizzie (Bill & Lizzie) wedding and her associated scenes with Jeffery O’Neil’s death. I understand why Olivia was involved in scenes for the Bizzie wedding and Jeffery’s death. Nevertheless, I have to wonder if Jill Lorie Hurst and Ellen Wheeler even had a story line for Crystal Chappell while Jessica Leccia (Natalia) was on maternity leave. If their plan was to have Olivia cry over Natalia for four weeks, then this is going to get boring to me very fast. I’m fine with Olivia mixing it up with the cast, but she essentially did nothing but look broken, defeated, and depressed in every scene the week of July 13. This is not an angle or story line for Olivia. This crying and brokenness exhibited by Olivia is a holding pattern of dark melancholy until Natalia returns. As far as I’m concerned, Olivia didn’t have to be on Guiding Light as much as she was for the week of July 13. At the most, I can see her having scenes for the July 13 episode. However, her July 17 episode scenes could have been reduced. Here is why I say that.

The Bizzie Wedding + Olivia = Necessary Scenes

I can understand why Olivia was a part of the Bizzie wedding. Olivia was romantically involved with Bill, and Emma was the flower girl. Bill and Olivia are on good terms from everything I’ve seen, so it would make sense for her to be at the wedding. Aside from that, Olivia needed to be there for the reciting of the vows.

While Bill and Lizzie were reciting their vows, I felt like everything said could have been vows Olivia and Natalia would say to each other at their own wedding. Just switch out Lizzie and replace her with Natalia,  switch out Bill and replace him with Olivia, and these vows would be perfect.

Lizzie’s Slightly Modified Vows Spoken Through Natalia

“I love you. Wow…those words have become so much easier to say. There was this time in my life where I just chased after love….it’s all I wanted. Relationships were difficult…or painful, conflicted. Love wasn’t in the cards for me. And then like a miracle, you came into my life. And you, Olivia Spencer, make me feel special and safe and wanted and very strong. And it’s because of you that I understand real love now. It’s way better than all my dreams. And it’s…it’s just greater than any fantasy. I love you. Thank you for choosing me.”

Bill’s Slightly Modified Vows Spoken Through Olivia

“When I came back to Springfield, I was a woman who needed no one…but my family, friends…definitely not love. I thought I knew it all. And then you came into my world and turned it upside down. You, Natalia Rivera, make me crazy. Okay. You make me crazier than I have ever been. But you also make me happier than I ever, ever thought I could be. And because of you, you make me wanna be a better woman…the kind of woman you deserve. And it’s your love and your faith in me that has made me whole. And it’s also shown me that…I knew nothing until I found you. I need you. You are my best friend. You are the love of my life. And I love you more than I thought I could ever love anyone. Thank you for choosing me.”

I saw the way the camera panned to Olivia’s face when Bill was reciting his vows to Lizzie. Olivia was clearly thinking of Natalia. My instincts tell me Olivia was thinking those vows are things she would say to Natalia at their wedding. Although Olivia didn’t contribute much to the July 13 episode, having her at the wedding was fitting. In my ideal happy ending, the Bizzie vows and wedding is a foreshadowing of Olivia and Natalia’s happily ever after.

Aftermath of Jeffery’s Death + Olivia = Mostly Unnecessary Scenes

The July 17 episode of Guiding Light gave the impression that the Otalia story line would advance. Olivia was getting Emma ready for camp, and she snapped at her daughter over something trivial. As I watched the Olivia and Emma scenes, I thought that I was going to see something related to Otalia. Well, I guess I did get something related to Otalia…more “broken Olivia” huddled in her bed, crying, and clutching a photo of Natalia, Emma, and herself. Otherwise, Olivia’s scenes had nothing to do with the Otalia story line for the remainder of the episode. Instead, she was crying over Jeffrey’s death and moping with other characters quietly in her scenes.

First, let me say that I really don’t think Olivia was that broken up over Jeffrey’s death. Despite them having a decent relationship, she would not be that heartbroken that Jeffrey died. This man raped her as a teenager after all. Although she and Jeffrey were at a better place, there is no way Olivia would be that upset over his death. I personally feel that Olivia’s head was in such a bad place that she just isn’t thinking clearly. If “fembot Natalia” had not destroyed Olivia emotionally and mentally, she wouldn’t be as upset over Jeffrey’s death. I just don’t believe Olivia would be that hurt about Jeffrey dying. I really think the tears she was crying when Josh delivered the news were reactionary to more bad news in her depressed state. Olivia has had nothing but bad news since “fembot Natalia” replaced “my Natalia” the week of June 29. I believe her tears were more about Natalia than Jeffrey when she spoke with Josh in addition to the remainder of her crying scenes.

Logically, it makes sense for Josh to tell Olivia the news about Jeffrey. Olivia would have to tell Ava – her and Jeffrey’s daughter. Nevertheless, Olivia had no purpose for being in the majority of scenes she had for the July 17 episode. The only exception is when she called Ava from the farmhouse – her place of comfort – to deliver the news of Jeffrey’s death. Otherwise, I felt having Olivia involved in her other scenes just weren’t necessary. It felt like she was being used as a random character for the majority of the July 17 episode. Olivia was just there in scenes, looking depressed every single time, and saying nothing. For me, it was a waste of the character to have her looking broken and remaining silent in her other scenes. There is something called using characters appropriately in scenes. Olivia was misused in my opinion, especially since she’s such a major character. At a maximum, Olivia should have been on twice in the July 17 episode – the beginning and the end.

Final Thoughts

Watching “broken Olivia” is depressing. I understand she is broken because of this illogical “Frankenbaby” angle thanks to “fembot Natalia’s” illogical actions and dialog. However, this unnecessary angst is frustrating me and making me a bit hesitant to watch Guiding Light. I don’t want to watch “broken Olivia” look sullen and look like a wounded puppy the entire time while Natalia is off screen. If Olivia is going to be depressed, the writers should give her some sort of activity to help push her depression aside (at moments) and focus on that while Natalia is gone. A perfect example would have been having her help Rafe out of some trouble. It looked like they could have been heading in this direction when Rafe met up with James Spaulding several weeks ago. For those who are aware, James is the epitome of trouble, and he could have easily set up Rafe in some scheme of his. This type of angle in the Otalia story line would have given Olivia something to focus on other than her depression over Natalia. Olivia could have been the strong parental figure Rafe needed while helping him get out James-related trouble. When Natalia returned, she would have one less thing to worry about dealing with – assuming Rafe would come around after Olivia’s help. Alas, something like that would have made too much sense in the illogical path Guiding Light has taken with Otalia. Other than a brief “Rafertude” where Rafe took a verbal shot at Olivia during the Bizzie wedding, there has been no interaction with Olivia and Rafe. Based on the upcoming previews, it seems like Rafe and Olivia will interact some, but I am expecting nothing but “Rafertudes.”

As this “Frankenbaby” angle unfolds, it is starting to look like Jill Lorie Hurst and Ellen Wheeler did not have a good story line for Olivia either. Once again, I have to wonder why that is. I’m sure Jessica Leccia gave them plenty of notice when she found out she was pregnant. As I said in last week’s post, there was plenty of time to write off the Natalia character properly. There was also plenty of time to write something for the Olivia character aside from “broken Olivia.”

The cynical soap fan in me is wondering if the writing for Guiding Light is in “I give up” mode. It’s starting to look like realization set in that Guiding Light would not be picked up, and the fallout from it is being reflected in the writing. To me, the writing started taking a dark, depressive turn when Phillip Spaulding found out he was dying. Another key indicator was when Olivia looked so shattered during the Bauer BBQ thanks to “fembot Natalia.” At this point, the writing seems to mostly be going through the motions (via autopilot) until the show ends September 18. Who knows? The writing could pick back up again, but I’m starting to have my doubts. The stuff going on right now with Otalia is why I always had the faith of a mustard seed in Jill Lorie Hurst and Ellen Wheeler. Again, I’m not surprised that Otalia derailed. I’m a long time soap fan who sees this kind of thing happen with all couples I love. However, it is disappointing to me the more I see what’s happening (or not happening) with the Otalia story line. This story line was nearly flawless, and I hate to see it flame out the way it has with this stupid “Frankenbaby” angle.

Perhaps next week’s Guiding Light episodes will give me something other than “broken Olivia,” but at this point, I’m not expecting anything to change. Right now, the Otalia story line is on the “fail bus” because of this “Frankenbaby” angle. I hope Otalia can get off at the bus stop and hop on the “win bus” by giving the fans a happy ending. If the writers give me “my Natalia” back, write like your life depends on it (my personal motto), and do everything I suggested (and more), I would be satisfied. Will I get that? I don’t know. I will just have to wait and see.

Note: If you comment and choose to leave a spoiler, please identify it in advance with the word “spoiler,” or even separate it out to alert me that a spoiler is coming. I read everyone’s comments, but if I see the word “spoiler,” I stop reading at that point. Again, I have my process to make the magic happen with these Otalia posts. Thanks everyone for your continued love and support!

I watched Otalia derail the week of June 29, and as many of you know, I wasn’t pleased when the July 3 episode concluded. This pregnancy angle, which involves Natalia carrying Frank Cooper’s “Frankenbaby,” is problematic in execution. To reiterate, the Natalia Rivera I have watched grow over the past several months would not treat Olivia the way that she has. Therefore, I had concerns with how the Otalia story line would progress the week of July 6. I expected to see a broken Olivia Spencer over Natalia’s illogical behavior and I got that – in the form of depressive angst.

The July 7 episode opened with Olivia huddled in a chair looking dazed, confused, and melancholy. To say that that “broken Olivia” is different from “happy Olivia” is an understatement. After awaking Emma, Olivia’s interactions with her daughter were practically lifeless. It was even difficult for Olivia to answer Emma’s questions about Natalia’s absence from the Bauer BBQ. It was very evident that Olivia was distraught over Natalia, yet she was trying to keep it together for Emma. Fortunately, Olivia was spared having to answer more questions from Emma when Jane (who should be fired) arrived. After confirming Jane could stay late with Emma, Olivia started her quest – the search for Natalia.

Olivia tried calling Natalia outside of The Beacon, and of course, she didn’t answer. As she left a message, I got the impression Olivia had given Natalia as much space as she could handle. Based on Olivia’s words, I felt she was angered by Natalia’s behavior. To me, it explains why Olivia said she was afraid of the words that would come out of her mouth. Natalia knew how important the Bauer BBQ was to Olivia. It would have been their first “official” date, and they were coming out to their friends and associates. Alas, Natalia stood her up and sent Blake to tell Olivia that she wasn’t coming. Despite Olivia’s piercing pain, her anger towards Natalia makes absolute sense. She would be angered at Natalia, but she wouldn’t want to fly off the handle and say something cutting to her. I think Olivia wanted to have a cooler head when calling Natalia, which explains why she waited until the next morning. It was evident that Olivia was trying to remain calm yet slightly optimistic when she left Natalia a voicemail. Nevertheless, this situation with Natalia was eating at Olivia based on the alternating expressions of worry, sadness, hurt, and frustration. As a result, I expected her to be “impatient Olivia” and head to the farmhouse, which she did.

Olivia’s behavior when she arrived at the farmhouse indicated someone experiencing a rising tide of desperation. She knocked on the door, called out Natalia’s name, and looked through the windows to see if Natalia was inside. In conjunction with desperation, Olivia’s fear and worry started building inside of her, which she expressed on her face. As Olivia stood outside the farmhouse, she called Natalia on the phone again and left another message.

Olivia’s worry sent her to the Springfield Police Department to file a missing person’s report, and unfortunately, she ended up dealing with Frank and his “Rafertude.”

Olivia: “We were going to be there…together.” Frank: “Oh, got it. Well, maybe there’s your answer. Maybe she ah…maybe she got cold feet.” Olivia: “No, Frank, she would have told me, okay. We planned this together. I wasn’t pushing her. She knows that whatever she’s feeling, she can be honest with me.”

Here we go with some problematic dialog because of this illogical pregnancy angle. I agreed with everything Olivia said to Frank. Logically, her dialog makes sense based on pre-“Frankenbaby” era. It just makes Natalia look bad, and Olivia’s dialog proves the Natalia I saw the week of June 29 was not “my Natalia.” Ellen Wheeler and Jill Lorie Hurst replaced “my Natalia” with “fembot Natalia.” Let me give you a quick definition of these terms.

• “My Natalia” – This is the Natalia Rivera that fans have watch evolve and grow stronger through Olivia’s love. This version of Natalia trusts Olivia with her life as she said in the February 16, 2009 episode. This version of Natalia “knows what it means to tell someone they love them” as she said in the April 22, 3009 episode. “My Natalia” “test all things and hold fast to that which is good” as she said in the May 19, 2009 episode.
• “Fembot Natalia” – This is the Natalia Rivera that provided fans with illogical behavior and dialog the week of June 29. This version of Natalia is someone I do not know and have never seen before. This version of Natalia staked Olivia through the heart with her inexplicable behavior. This version of Natalia seems to have been created (in haste) just to write Jessica Leccia off the show for maternity leave. “Fembot Natalia” confides in Father Ray and Blake Marler about a serious issue but not Olivia. Boo! Just…BOOOOOO!

“Fembot Natalia” would not be honest with Olivia, and she would run away without speaking to her. “My Natalia” would do exactly what Olivia said in her dialog with Frank.

Frank: “Right up until the wedding, she let me know that she wanted to be married…but I’m sure it’s not the same thing.” Olivia: “It’s not the same thing, Frank. Cause when she changed her mind about marrying you, she didn’t just disappear on you. Okay, she told you. It’s been almost 24 hours. I haven’t gotten a call…no messages. And her house is sitting empty. That’s not like her.”

My mind was screaming out “exactly!” when Olivia spoke this dialog with Frank. At the very least, “my Natalia” would send Olivia some kind of message. A simple, “I know you might be worried. I just need time alone. I love you.” message from Natalia via email, text, or tweet is sufficient. “My Natalia” would do that, but we’re dealing with “fembot Natalia.” I guess “fembot Natalia” doesn’t care that a message through Blake and Father Ray is insufficient and impersonal. “My Natalia” would at least do something to provide Olivia with some temporary comfort while she’s away.

As Olivia explained the circumstances to Frank, I let out another long sigh. Having Frank Cooper still involved in the Otalia story line is tiresome and frustrating. I understand he’s on the fringes of Natalia’s life because Rafe is staying with him. I even enjoyed his interactions with Olivia while they were picking out a birthday card for Rafe a few weeks ago. Logically, I understand Frank’s “Rafertude” when interacting with Olivia and to a lesser degree, Natalia. However, I’m to a point where Frank needs to be helpful to this story line, or he needs to go away. Frank can solve cases, intrude in Marina and Mallet’s life, or better yet, find some hot chick to hook up with. I really don’t care what Frank does. I just want him away from Olivia and Natalia, especially if he isn’t going to contribute anything other than “Rafertudes” and “Frankenclipses” to this story line. Of course, what I want doesn’t matter because Frank is here to stay…at least until they resolve this ridiculous “Frankenbaby” pregnancy angle with Natalia.

After leaving the police station, Olivia continued her own search for Natalia at the second most logical place – the church. As she left and looked more desperately worried with each passing minute, Olivia ran into Father Ray. She explained that she was looking for Natalia, and Father Ray fed frustrating nuggets of information to Olivia.

Olivia: “Was-was she okay?” Father Ray: “No, she wasn’t. She was really upset.” Olivia: “Well what did she say?…Was she okay? Was she hurt? If you could just tell me where she is, I-I wanna see her.” Father Ray: “Natalia asked me not to tell you that.” Olivia: “Natalia told me not to tell me where she is? No. No, I don’t believe that. Why would she confide in you and not tell me?”

At this point of Father Ray and Olivia’s dialog, my mind was spinning with frustration and a bit of sadness. “Fembot Natalia” has really done some damage to “broken Olivia” by not talking to her before cutting town. From a purely logical viewpoint, this just doesn’t fly with me. It makes no sense. Again, Natalia should have at least communicated something to Olivia. Goodness, I would like to hope “fembot Natalia” knows how to email, text, or tweet. I really dislike how other characters – Blake and Father Ray –  are left to explain Natalia’s disappearance to Olivia. However, I’m a long-term soap fan that understands this is angst for a super couple. It’s just illogical, dumb, and pointless angst based on this illogical pregnancy angle.

Father Ray: “Olivia, I can’t betray that confidence. I can tell you that she’s conflicted.” Natalia: “About me?” Father Ray: “About a lot of things…I suggested a retreat where she should go reflect.” Olivia: “So, she just took off and didn’t tell me anything?”

Olivia is once again proving through her dialog that “my Natalia” would not behave the way she has. There is no way that “my Natalia” is conflicted about her feelings for Olivia. It’s just not possible based on all of Natalia’s talks (pre-“Frankenbaby” era) with Father Ray whenever Olivia was discussed. Naturally, Father Ray would give Olivia that impression because of how he feels about them, but he also spoke with “fembot Natalia” on the July 3 episode.

As for Natalia taking off without telling Olivia, I could see it for what it was. It was just more buildup for illogical angst with this pregnancy angle. All it did was give me more “broken Olivia” in the July 7 episode.

When Olivia stalked away from Father Ray, she sat in her car and called Phillip Spaulding. I guess Phillip was as surprised as I was when she called him. His first reaction was to ask if Emma was all right. As Olivia explained that she needed someone to drive her home, I admit I was slightly confused. I found Olivia’s choice to call Phillip odd. I felt Olivia would have called her frenemy – Doris Wolfe. That is who Olivia has always turned to whenever the “fear monster” crept up inside her (regarding Natalia). I get the feeling that the writers are probably trying to engage Phillip with Olivia more. Nevertheless, I just don’t think Phillip would have been Olivia’s first choice. Olivia and Phillip are on friendlier terms, but they aren’t that close. Olivia would have called Doris. I feel like Phillip would have been her last choice, not her first choice.

Phillip found Olivia at the church waiting for him. She explained “fembot Natalia’s” inexplicable behavior to him and shed a few tears. Once again, I shook my head because the damage “fembot Natalia” has done just grew worse. When “broken Olivia” returned to the farmhouse, she sat down on the bench to write Natalia a note. “Broken Olivia” finally released her built up angst and frustration by hurling the note and her purse at Natalia’s front door. She collapsed on the doorstep and broke down into heartbroken tears. When I watched this farmhouse scene, I had one thought: Jill Lorie Hurst is going to have do something major (if it’s possible) to fix this. Why? Because I grew to love the Natalia character so much in recent months. I have watched “my Natalia” evolve from a caterpillar into a butterfly. She was getting ready to take her most important flight as a butterfly. Natalia was “so done with waiting”…and then “fembot Natalia” shows up. I am to a point where I do not like the Natalia character for what she has done to Olivia. I never thought I would feel that way, but as this pregnancy angle unfolds, it makes Natalia look really bad.

Despite all that “fembot Natalia” has done, Olivia refused to stop searching for her. On the July 9 episode, she and Doris decided to take a road trip to seek out every Catholic retreat in the area. A blind person could see that Doris and Olivia’s (now known as “Dorlivia” for my purposes) road trip was the Guiding Light’s version of Thelma & Louise. Typically, I get concerned when soap operas try to borrow from movies. It usually ends up cheesy and awful (i.e. the Titanic angle on Passions) when soaps try this. However, Guiding Light pulled it off in a way that wasn’t cringe-worthy. In fact, Doris managed to make this depressive angst bearable (for a few moments) while they prepared to leave Springfield. She provided some brightness in the “Frankenbaby” era of Otalia. However, there was one Dorlivia scene that made me sigh and wince though.

While Dorlivia was sitting in the car, Doris pointed out that their route would take them to Oakdale. She mentioned the diner (formerly known as Al’s Diner) and possibly moving to Oakdale after her term as major ends in Springfield. For those fans that are unaware, Oakdale is the imaginary city setting for sister Proctor & Gamble (P&G) soap, As the World Turns. It’s likely that some fans would have found Doris’ dialog about Oakdale funny and a shout out to a fellow P&G soap opera. To be honest, I was not amused by it. If anything, it reminded me that a lesser quality soap (As the World Turns) would still be on the air while a superior soap (Guiding Light) was ending in September. It was a reminder that I really didn’t need or want. I also felt this was a sign that Doris’ character could possibly be sent to As the World Turns. Finally, I thought it was a not so subtle sign of telling Guiding Light fans that we should watch As the World Turns. I’m sorry but…BOO!

My suspicious mind went into immediate reasons behind Doris’ dialog. As the World Turns is in the same death spiral Guiding Light was in more than a year ago. Even though I wasn’t watching Guiding Light then, I heard about its problems via soap podcasts. In fact, I predict As the World Turns will face the “improve the ratings or die” treatment Guiding Light received. In the end, I can believe this was a call for fans to watch As the World Turns and to help improve the ratings. If P&G thinks Guiding Light fans are going to watch As the World Turns before or after September, I highly doubt it. All anyone has to do is watch As the World Turns for a week (if you can stand it) and see it cannot touch Guiding Light (imperfections and all). The writing on As the World Turns is in the toilet and has been for years; however, the writing has crept down into sewage territory over recent months. I’ve seen the show recently; it’s unbearable. As I have often said, I am a jaded soap fan. The “on life support soap fan” in me just wasn’t into this reference to As the World Turns on Guiding Light. Writers: don’t talk to me about chuck beef when I’m enjoying filet mignon. Even though my filet mignon wasn’t prepared properly, it’s always better than chuck beef.

When Dorlivia got the conversation back on track, they discussed “fembot Natalia.” Olivia was trying to figure out what she was going to say, and I caught something in Olivia’s dialog with Doris that puzzled and confused me.

Doris: “How can you do that? You don’t even know why she left.” Olivia: “It doesn’t matter why she left. I have to remind her that we’re not running from these things anymore. Whatever problems we have, we’ll deal with them together.”

It does matter why Natalia left. If it didn’t matter, Olivia wouldn’t be searching for her in desperate frustration. I would not be seeing “broken Olivia” if it didn’t matter why Natalia left. This is the part of her dialog with Doris that just didn’t make sense to me. Perhaps…I guess Olivia is trying to say that she just wants to get past it and sort things out with Natalia. Nevertheless, it does matter why Natalia left, and it was the only thing I found to be illogical in Olivia’s dialog.

Doris: “It’s just that you two spent so long denying that you were together.” Olivia: “I know. You know what? If that’s the issue, then we’ll deal with it.”

All right, Guiding Light…I had one of those “what the frak?” moments with this dialog. This issue has already been resolved for Natalia. For goodness sakes, even Olivia pointed out in the July 9 episode that they have “dealt with these things.” Like Olivia, Natalia was in denial over her romantic feelings for months (January 2009-April 2009 episodes). Natalia woke up before it was too late and admitted her feelings to Olivia (April 17, 2009 episode). Even after the love confession, Olivia tried to back away and make Natalia see that there couldn’t be an “us” for them (April 22, 2009 and April 23, 2009 episodes). Natalia took the time to figure out where she was with Olivia and if they would be together (May 5, 2009, May 6, 2009, and May 11, 2009 episodes). Natalia reconciled her romantic feelings with her faith as well as her comfort in being with Olivia (May 19, 2009 and May 20, 2009 episodes). I could go on, but I think you’re getting the picture here. The point is that Natalia would not be feeling this way, not now. It’s illogical dialog, and once again, I point the finger at this irrational pregnancy angle.

Dorlivia continued discussing Natalia, and the more I heard, it increased my feelings that “fembot Natalia” is really problematic…very much so. I feel far more sympathy for Olivia than I do for Natalia right now. In fact, I have no sympathy for Natalia at this point of the story line. I don’t blame “my Natalia” for this. I blame “fembot Natalia” and the way this pregnancy angle was written. Once again, I feel like the writing was not carefully thought out for this phase of Otalia. If Jill Lorie Hurst and Ellen Wheeler were going to do this pregnancy angle, then they did it wrong in my opinion. The writing is making me feel illogical anger that I shouldn’t feel with Natalia. “My Natalia” wouldn’t behave this way. To reiterate what I said in last week’s post, Natalia would have told Olivia everything and then left if she needed time alone. I should feel sympathetic towards Olivia and Natalia if “my Natalia” had talked to Olivia before leaving. Instead, my sympathy is building towards Olivia, and I actually dislike Natalia for hurting Olivia this way. I don’t want to feel this way about Natalia, but this writing is pulling out these feelings, which is truly sad.

After stopping at several retreats along the way, Olivia ended up at yet another retreat and spoke with a nun. The nun refused to give Olivia any information, despite her pleas. As Olivia’s desperate frustration built up, I actually did manage to crack a smile and chuckle during her exchange with the nun.

Olivia: “Look, what if I told you she’s in pain, that she’s suffering. And that God himself sent me here to alleviate that pain, to show her the way because it’s true.” Nun: “My child…I’ve seen many angels. The Lord is telling me you are not one of them.”

Olivia is definitely no angel as the nun said; however, she has been guided onto a path of goodness because of “my Natalia.” Olivia has changed in a remarkable fashion over several months. Olivia has softened her rough edges because of “my Natalia.” She has become self-sacrificing in so many ways, and she has put Natalia before herself. She worked out a deal with the governor to have Rafe moved to a better, less violent prison. She even volunteered at the church to help Natalia bake cookies when the cookie committee didn’t show up. Olivia has expressed numerous acts of love for “my Natalia,” which has made her a good person. These are among the many reasons why Olivia doesn’t deserve what “fembot Natalia” has done to her.

Before leaving the retreat, Olivia released another desperate frustration burst in the form of raw emotion. When Olivia ran back to the car, she sat with Doris for a bit and explained what happened. I could see that Olivia was at her whit’s end. She was angry, and the frustration was cresting inside her. It has been building up inside her since “fembot Natalia” left. When Doris asked her what she was going to do, Olivia got out of the car and ran back to the retreat’s door. This time, Doris followed her because she knew the volcano was rumbling and ready to explode. The nun refused to let her inside again. Olivia wasn’t having it and exploded at last. As Olivia ran back down the stairs, she started calling out Natalia’s name and pleaded with her.

Olivia: “Natalia, Natalia! I know you can hear me…even if you’re not here, I know you can…because I love you! And you love me! When two people love each other like this, they shouldn’t be kept apart! And it’s confusing and it’s not easy. But nothing ever worthwhile is. You come down here and let me talk to you! You let me make you understand! Natalia!”

BEGIN ALERT. I’m going to have to interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to say this. I hope to God Natalia wasn’t inside that particular retreat. If she was and ignored Olivia…heaven help her. Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming. END ALERT.

Mount Olivia erupted with angst, love, pain, and hurt. In addition to hearing it in Olivia’s words, I could clearly see it in her facial expressions and her body language. The emotional side of me recognized that this scene was powerful and intense because of the angst. The logical side of me recognized this scene had illogical angst. As powerful as it was, this angst is coming from an illogical place – the pregnancy angle. I enjoy angst when it makes sense to a story line. Olivia and Natalia were going through the good kind of angst from January 2009-April 2009. I enjoyed the angst because it was logical to the story line at that time. They were figuring out their feelings for each other yet denying those feelings. The pre-love confession angst succeeded because it was truthful to the characters and the story. The “Frankenbaby” era angst…well, it’s just not enjoyable to me at all. Nearly everything Olivia is feeling and emoting shouldn’t be occurring, but I blame it on “fembot Natalia.” This “Frankenbaby” angst only makes me shake my head and sigh more and more. It only strengthens my feelings that this story line took a wrong turn, and it continued down the wrong course the week of July 6.

In the final scenes of the week, Olivia decided to abort the Dorlivia road trip. Olivia had a defeated expression on her face, and I could hear the weariness in her voice. Doris seemed surprised that Olivia wanted to give up the search. However, Olivia realized that Natalia doesn’t want to be found. I agreed with Olivia when she told Doris that Natalia pushed her away. In the end, Olivia set the car in motion and headed back towards Springfield.

Final Thoughts

As I watched the Otalia story line progress this week, I felt glad that I started to distance myself emotionally weeks ago. I spend most of my time shaking my head and sighing as I watch Otalia now. When I watch this pregnancy angle and the “Frankenbaby” angst, I know I’m going to get illogical pieces that’s complicating the Otalia jigsaw puzzle. I’m mentally prepared for it, and subconsciously, I’ve been prepared for it all along. I’m a long time soap fan, so I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop on any story line. In the case of this pregnancy angle, Otalia fans had a heavier object than a Frisbee thrown upside their heads.

I realize this pregnancy angle still has to be play out to completion. The more I watch it, the more I dislike it. I dislike it mainly because of the character damage I continue to see with Natalia. “Fembot Natalia” is a train wreck that’s still causing collateral damage. At this point, I’m not sure if “my Natalia” can fix the issues with the remaining time Guiding Light has. All I know is that Natalia better have one helluva grand gesture in store for Olivia.

With the way this story line is progressing, Natalia is going to have to fight like hell to win Olivia back. I have talked about how the pendulum swings between Natalia and Olivia in terms of who is chasing whom. For the remainder of this story line, it is only logical that Natalia should chase Olivia. As far as I’m concerned, Olivia is “so done with chasing.” It is only fitting considering how everything has unfolded at this point of the pregnancy angle. In my opinion, Natalia is going to have to be extremely aggressive in chasing Olivia and winning her back. I’m going to need the Natalia in these episodes (x2) in how she chases and deals with Olivia.

February 24, 2009 Episode

Remove Frank in the sex scene, replace him with Olivia, and remove the “worst sex ever” expression in the afterglow. I need that aggressive streak Natalia had with Frank but on a higher intensity level with Olivia. Natalia needs to bring that Latina heat…and speak in Spanish when she does it.

March 26, 2009 Episode

This is the episode where Natalia almost kissed Olivia by going with her emotions. Natalia should be the one to initiate their first mutual kiss. As far as I’m concerned, there is no reason for Olivia to initiate the first kiss at this point. In fact, Olivia shouldn’t initiate the first mutual kiss at all. I feel like Natalia has to do the chasing, so her initiation of the mutual kiss is absolutely logical to me.

April 6, 2009 Episode

I need Natalia to look at Olivia the way she did in the mirror scene when she comes back. I need Natalia to make Olivia’s heart turn over as she did mine when I watched that powerful scene. I know Natalia is not expressive in her love like Olivia through facial expressions. Nevertheless, this scene showed me that Natalia is capable of it. Give that to me, Natalia.

April 22, 2009 & April 23, 2009 Episodes

I need Natalia to make Olivia hear her like she did in these episodes. She made Olivia see that she knows what she was getting herself into when she admitted her feelings. She needs to have that same resolve but even more so than ever.

May 19, 2009 & May 20, 2009 Episodes

When Natalia returns, I need her to be just as comfortable in her love, affection, and touches with Olivia in these episodes. Of course, she has to fix things between them, but I need this Natalia back.

June 11, 2009 Episode

I need the Natalia back who was drinking shots at the bar. She was trying to relate with Rafe while he was struggling through his post-prison adjustment phase. This Natalia was fun in a way I’d never seen her before. Plus, she didn’t give up on her son, no matter how many times he pushed her away. I’m going to need this Natalia in this episode. She will need to be just as determined if Olivia pushes her away upon her return.

June 12, 2009 Episode

I need Natalia to touch Olivia the same way she did in this episode but even more so. I also need her to show more of that sensual side as she held up the champagne glass to Olivia’s lips. Surprise me, Natalia. Show me the heat. Show me the fire. I saw the flames you generated in this episode. Give me more. Make Olivia want you by seducing her. Your innocence and innocent touches already lights up Olivia like 4^th of July fireworks. Trust me, it won’t take much, but go all the way out, Natalia. Blake will show you what kind of lingerie you need if you want help. Drink shots if you have to loosen up. Stoke the fire and set off the smoke detectors when you seduce Olivia. Just do it. Don’t let anyone into the farmhouse while you’re doing it…even if the cops come knockin’.

What I wrote is wishful thinking of course; however, I don’t feel that I’m wrong. These are some things I feel that need to be done to repair and to fix “fembot Natalia’s” damage to “my Natalia.” My only concern is the amount of time left for Guiding Light, which means less time to give me “my Natalia” back.

At this point, I’m 99% certain that Natalia is not pregnant with a “Frankenbaby.” The “Frankenbaby” is not my main concern at this point though. I’m more concerned about the “fembot Natalia” that was written into this storyline. It is causing more of an issue for me than the “Frankenbaby.” Ellen Wheeler and Jill Lorie Hurst, I have the following to say to you:

Please tell me that “my Natalia” is hidden in Company’s basement. Please tell me that “Dr. FrankenCooper” created “fembot Natalia” in his lab and replaced “my Natalia” with her. All I know is that I need “my Natalia” to return in a few weeks. Free Natalia!

That’s all.

Special Announcements

• I have updated my status on the Otalia Jessica Leccia Edition. Be sure to read it.
• If you missed it, be sure to read my Reflections of a Soap Fan blog post. I talked about the Crystal Chappell announcement, Otalia posts, and my feelings on soap operas. If you are confused why I feel about soaps the way I do, that post will clear everything up.

As usual, I sat down and made myself comfortable at my laptop Friday night. I started to rewatch the Otalia footage for the week of June 29, and I began to analyze the events for this week’s Otalia post. Once I started to write the actual words for this post, I found myself struggling. If any of my readers follow my Twitter adventures during Otalia writing sessions, they know it’s not unusual for me to struggle. However, this was different…even different from the post I struggled through after Crystal Chappell’s Days of Our Lives announcement. I felt like I wasn’t saying what I needed to say properly, that everything was coming out wrong. I tried to get past what I was feeling and focus on writing my Otalia post as usual. Still, that feeling couldn’t be ignored. It wouldn’t go away no matter how many mental breaks I took from this week’s depressing Otalia footage. I felt like I was going in the wrong direction with this week’s Otalia post. When I woke up this Sunday morning, I knew what I had to do. I had to scrap everything I’d written for this week’s Otalia post and start over. In the back of my mind were the words and direction for this post, which had been struggling to surface for days.

If you are expecting one of my regular Otalia posts this week, you won’t get that this week. This post is going to be different because I feel different after watching this week’s Otalia footage. I have some things I want to say, and I would not be true to myself if I didn’t say them.

In last week’s post, I discussed the spoiler that I was accidentally exposed to online. That spoiler concerns the pregnancy angle with the Natalia Rivera character, which was revealed the week of June 29. I said that I wouldn’t discuss the pregnancy angle further until I saw how it played out. Well, I watched how it has played out up to the July 3 episode, and I am not happy about what I have seen at this point. After I finished the July 3 episode, I had many questions buzzing in my head among a sense of total confusion. I know many Otalia fans felt angered and hurt based on the reactions I saw on Twitter. I felt many things myself, but anger and hurt wasn’t among those feelings. I just sighed in disappointment by the time the July 3 episode ended. Why? Because I’m not surprised what happened with the Otalia story as it currently stands. I’m just disappointed that it derailed in this manner, which I will expand upon later.

Some of you know how I feel about the state of soap operas. Some of you know that I am a cynical and pessimistic person when it comes to daytime drama these days. I have watched my favorite genre destroy itself for a decade with careless writing, rewrites, recycling, and character-destroying plots and dialog. Guiding Light was one of the few sparks of hope I had for the soap opera genre. The Guiding Light has been the gold standard that I want other soaps to aim for. Many of you also know that I praise the Guiding Light for the writing and story lines. Since I have been watching, the Otalia story line has been the most beautifully written story I’ve seen on daytime. It was nearly flawless…until the June 29-July 3 episodes.

First off, let me state that I do not expect perfection in the Otalia story line. I just expect a good story at the very least, and I expect a beautiful and carefully written story at the most. The Otalia story has mostly been a beautiful and carefully written story. I have applauded Ellen Wheeler and Jill Lorie Hurst for the story telling with Otalia. However, that doesn’t mean that they are above constructive criticism when warranted. This is one of those times.

Thoughts on The Natalia Pregnancy Angle

I like to remain spoiler free for Otalia, but in a weird way, I am thankful for being exposed to the pregnancy spoiler for Natalia. I had plenty of time to allow my mind to adjust to this new obstacle in Olivia and Natalia’s relationship. If I had been surprised over the pregnancy angle, I might have been upset as I watched the June 29-July 3 episodes. Since I knew what was coming, I wasn’t upset when it seemed like Natalia was pregnant with Frank Cooper’s “Frankenbaby.” My mind was comfortably numb to prepare for the angst and the pregnancy. I was at a place mentally to take in this pregnancy angle without getting so emotional. I was curious as to how Ellen Wheeler and Jill Lorie Hurst would write this pregnancy angle, which would send off the Natalia character for a month (for Jessica Leccia’s maternity leave). Now that I’ve seen how this pregnancy angle was written, I don’t understand the direction of this story at this point. In fact, I am really confused but not for the reasons you might think. Here is what I find confusing.

In the June 29 episode, Natalia was talking to Father Ray about her sickness and her feelings for Olivia. This is a snippet of dialog from that conversation:

Natalia: “Are you suggesting to me that I pretend that I don’t have feelings for Olivia? Because it would make my life a little bit easier? My life would have been a lot easier if I gave Rafe up for adoption. Just because something’s easier doesn’t mean it’s right. So no, Father Ray, the decisions that I’ve made, I feel have made me a stronger person. So if I’m sick or if I’m a little run down, I don’t believe it’s because of the choices that I have made.”

This particular dialog makes sense to me with the Natalia character. This is something I sense she would say based on what I have seen in the Otalia story. Keep in mind, I have only seen the Otalia back story starting in September 2008. That said, this snippet of dialog in her July 2 conversation with Father Ray doesn’t sound like the Natalia I know.

Natalia: “Is it a bigger sin to love a woman or to have slept with a man outside of marriage? I’m pregnant. And I don’t know if God is trying to punish me because I love Olivia or trying to tell me that I should have married Frank or both.”

Natalia feeling like God is trying to punish her is nothing new since I have heard her say this before. I find that part of her dialog logical and true to her character. However, I don’t understand why she feels like God is punishing her because she loves Olivia. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I have watched Natalia reiterate over and over how she has worked out her feelings in loving Olivia vs. her religion. Natalia has been saying this since the May 2009 episodes. Now, because Natalia discovers she’s pregnant with a “Frankenbaby,” she feels like being punished for loving Olivia and not marrying Frank. This dialog makes no sense with what she has been saying all along in addition to the snippet of the June 29 conversation I discussed previously.

I just found the July 2 dialog with Father Ray to be a false statement that doesn’t sound like the Natalia Rivera I know. To me, she wouldn’t say this and definitely not at this point of the story. It was my “what the frak?” moment (among many) when I watched this pregnancy angle for the week of June 29. It just doesn’t ring true to me. I understand she would feel guilty, but I don’t think she would feel like God is punishing her. Natalia has come too far in reconciling her love of Olivia with her faith to say this.

Natalia: “We were going to go to the Bauer BBQ…together. And then this happened, and I just…I can’t believe this could be coincidence. You know, I really think it must mean something.”

Natalia believing in signs from God is believable to me. She expressed that same sentiment to Olivia on the March 26, 2009 episode when deciding to marry Frank. I believe Natalia would think her “Frankenbaby” is a sign from God. Nevertheless, the “Frankenbaby” should not make her question her relationship with Olivia. I would think Natalia would be more worried about Olivia’s reaction when she told her she was sperminated by Frank.

Natalia: “I saw Frank before, and I just couldn’t tell him. And the thought of telling Olivia…I don’t know what to do. I just don’t know what to do.” Father Ray: “Maybe you should go away for a little while…by yourself, to try and figure things out.” Natalia: “It just sounds like running away.”

I can understand that it would be hard for Natalia to tell Frank and especially Olivia that she’s expecting a “Frankenbaby.” What I don’t find realistic is how Natalia handled it by not saying anything, especially to Olivia. Other than God, Natalia has turned to Olivia and talked to her about her problems. I find it strange that Natalia would be so comfortable talking about a “Frankenbaby” to Blake. In the June 26, 2009 episode, Natalia was uncomfortable at the idea that Blake knew about her and Olivia. Within a span of days, Natalia trusts and confides in Blake about something very important – a “Frankenbaby” – but not Olivia. It just doesn’t make sense to me.

Even if Natalia still wanted to leave Springfield to figure things out, she would not leave without talking to Olivia. The Natalia I know would have told Olivia about the pregnancy, as hard as it would have been. As I recall, Olivia is her friend and her family as well as the woman she loves.

• On the February 13, 2009 episode, Natalia stopped Olivia from running away from her problem after learning about Phillip Spaulding’s return. Natalia asked that Olivia allow her to be strong for her. Why wouldn’t Natalia think Olivia wouldn’t do the same for her? I would think Natalia would expect the same comfort and strength from Olivia if she told her about the pregnancy.
• On the February 16, 2009 episode, Natalia told Olivia that she trusts her with her life. Olivia also said she trusts Natalia with her life, which she has demonstrated. When it’s time for Natalia to put her trust to the test, she doesn’t. She runs away and doesn’t trust Olivia with “her life” like she said she does.

These examples of dialog from Natalia highlight the illogical behavior of her character. I just don’t believe the Natalia I know would do what she did – run away and not tell Olivia about the “Frankenbaby.” I have no problem with Natalia leaving town to get her head together. Still, I just believe she would talk to Olivia first and tell her the reason why. Natalia might have still left behind a hurt Olivia by telling her the truth. Instead, she left behind an utterly devastated Olivia by leaving her hanging on an important day.

Father Ray: “Let me make arrangements for you at the retreat.” Natalia: “I know you mean well, Father…I do…it’s just that’s just running away, and I can’t do that to Olivia.” Father Ray: “Listen, if Olivia loves you…if she really, really loves you, she won’t be afraid to let you go for a while.”

I guess Natalia is listening to Father Ray now when it comes to advice over Olivia. This is odd since she has not listened to him since May 2009. I get that she needs solace and advice, but after battling Father Ray for two months over Olivia…this just doesn’t make sense to me. To reiterate, Natalia told Father Ray this on the June 29 episode: “Just because something’s easier doesn’t mean it’s right. So no, Father Ray, the decisions that I’ve made, I feel have made me a stronger person.” Now, she’s not adhering her own words, and she’s relying on Father Ray’s suggestion for a religious retreat? I don’t get it. Running away over a “Frankenbaby” without confronting Olivia (or Frank) is the easy way. Telling Olivia and even Frank about the “Frankenbaby” is not easy; it’s difficult. How can a decision to run away and select the easy way make Natalia stronger? Again, I feel like Natalia would have had a conversation (at the very least) with Olivia about the “Frankenbaby” before leaving Springfield. Olivia is her best friend.

In Natalia’s July 3 conversation with Blake, I noticed something else in her dialog that confused me. When Natalia told Blake that she was leaving town, Blake tried to get Natalia to see that she has to talk to Olivia and Frank. It’s this snippet of dialog that gave me another moment that left me puzzled.

Blake: “I know that you have to tell Frank, and you need to talk to Olivia.” Natalia: “I can’t. I’m too ashamed. I don’t know how to talk to Frank. I don’t know what I would tell Olivia.”

I am fine with everything Natalia said…except for the “I’m too ashamed” part of this dialog. If Natalia was 16 and pregnant with Rafe, I can understand her feeling ashamed. Now that Natalia is in her mid 30s, I’m puzzled why she would be ashamed for being pregnant. I can understand her feeling like she should have been smarter in her choice to sleep with Frank. I can understand her feeling like history is repeating itself with an unplanned pregnancy. Still, I’m pondering why she would feel ashamed over her pregnancy. On the June 29 episode, Natalia was telling Father Ray that it would have been easier to give Rafe up for adoption. I felt that because of her struggles raising Rafe as a single mother, Natalia would be able to handle news of a “Frankenbaby” better. Now, the week of June 29, she is ashamed at the possibility of having another child. I’m just puzzled by this after all of the things she’s said about Rafe and the pride she has in raising her son alone. I understand that Natalia is very religious. I get that sex outside of marriage was a guilt-tripping issue for her several months ago. Still, I felt Natalia had worked through her views on sex based on her recent discussion (June 12, 2009 episode) with Olivia. Again, Natalia is no longer 16; she’s at least 35 years old. With all the progress she has made, I can’t see her feeling so ashamed over the “Frankenbaby.” She would be shocked over the “Frankenbaby” and nervous how to break the news but not ashamed.

Natalia would have a support system during her pregnancy. Of course, Frank would step in to give her any support she needs during the pregnancy. I truly believe Olivia would be supportive of Natalia. Olivia would not judge Natalia and break up with her because she got sperminated with a “Frankenbaby.” I think there is some insecurity on Natalia’s part in thinking she would lose Olivia over the “Frankenbaby.” Natalia’s insecurity is actually one the few refreshing things about this pregnancy angle. I always felt that Olivia was the one who felt insecure about losing Natalia because she was unworthy of her. I always felt that Natalia was very confident in Olivia’s love because Olivia has always been so very expressive of that – in actions, touches, and smoldering, loving looks. I never felt that Natalia was insecure about losing Olivia until the “Frankenbaby.” Out of the things I don’t like about this pregnancy angle, I actually do like a Natalia who is insecure about holding on to Olivia.

Overall, I do not like the way the pregnancy angle has progressed for the week of June 29. I realize that this angle of the Otalia story line has not played out to completion, but I have to say what I feel based on what I have seen. I didn’t like the idea of a pregnancy angle being used to write Natalia off the show for Jessica Leccia’s maternity leave. I felt there were better ways of writing this character off for a month. The pregnancy angle is classic soap opera drama, and I do love classic soap opera writing. Nevertheless, I felt like this angle was just unnecessary for the Otalia story line. It provided a level of angst that I just didn’t need among other things. It’s a torture device for the Otalia fans, and I do like being tortured…if it is the good kind. The pregnancy angle and the way it has played out thus far is not the good kind of torture.

I watched Natalia say and do inconsistent things. I realize I don’t have the long history with her character, but her dialog and actions don’t make sense, especially in the July 2 and July 3 episodes. Regardless of what she has done in the past (i.e. if she ran away before), I just don’t see her doing the things she’s done. I have watched Natalia grow so much over the past few months. Her strength and courage has blossomed under Olivia’s love. I love Natalia, but I don’t understand why she would resort to “cowardly lion” mode over the “Frankenbaby.” My confusion comes from the way this angle and Natalia’s dialog was written. To me, it comes off like it wasn’t planned in the story properly. Look at how everything has been written for this story line and look at this pregnancy angle. It stands out like a sore thumb. I don’t understand it. Jessica Leccia has been pregnant for months; that is no secret. I felt like there has been plenty of time to figure out how to write Natalia off the show in a way that made sense and rang true to her character. While I don’t like the pregnancy angle, I felt that everything with this angle really took a dive on the July 2 episode. The Natalia character experienced some damage with her dialog and actions. All I have to say is this: Jill Lorie Hurst will have to write her butt off to fix this. Based on how Natalia was written the week of June 29, she is going to have to fight hard to get Olivia back. In my opinion, Olivia would not accept what Natalia has done so easily. Natalia showed a lack of faith and a lack of trust after everything they have gone through. Olivia has done everything right in this relationship, and she was pierced in the heart for it. If Olivia goes into self-destruct mode while Natalia is away, I wouldn’t blame her. That would make sense.

As for the pregnancy itself, I feel 90% sure that Natalia is not pregnant with a “Frankenbaby.” Even though the doctor told Natalia she was pregnant, I noticed something prior to this announcement. While Natalia was giving blood for her pregnancy test, her vile of blood wasn’t labeled. I noticed how the camera focused very closely on the blood trays, which is a huge clue. I feel like there will be a mix up in the lab. Additionally, Natalia never bothered to get her sonogram before leaving. The doctor suggested scheduling it, but Natalia didn’t do this. All of these things are signs that Natalia is not really pregnant. I’m leaving myself with 10% uncertainty on this pregnancy angle because I just don’t have blind faith in soap writers. There is always the possibility of introducing important plot points occurring off camera. Like I’ve explained before, I have been burned too many times by writers when it comes to soap couples I like. It’s why I only have the faith of a mustard seed in Ellen Wheeler or Jill Lorie Hurst. That is better than the zero faith I have in just about all of the other executives and head writers for soaps.

Thoughts on Olivia Spencer

While I watched the episodes for the week of June 29, my heart ached for Olivia. She was so happy about being able to come out with Natalia. Her happiness was so evident that Buzz Cooper, Doris Wolfe, and Phillip commented on it. They knew something had changed and made her light up inside. I knew something was about to dim that light and put a “Frankenclipse” on her happiness, which made these scenes difficult to watch. It also made it hard for me to like Natalia as much as I did a week ago. I knew Olivia was about to be deeply hurt, and I didn’t like watching Olivia being staked through the heart. Unlike the other times Olivia has been hurt in relationships, I feel like this time is truly different for her. She did everything right, and I’m sure her worst fears were realized when Blake told her Natalia wasn’t coming. I believe Olivia felt that she truly was unworthy of being loved as she ran from the BBQ to be alone. Frank told her he wasn’t sure she was the right person for Natalia earlier that week, and I’m sure she was wondering if he was right at that moment.

As Olivia broke down into heartbroken tears, I felt that Crystal Chappell was gearing up to rip my heart out. I appreciate beautiful acting, and I sense I will see another possible Emmy reel performance. If that were the case for the week of July 6, then this would be a good outcome from this pregnancy angle.

Thoughts on Otalia vs. Everyone Else on Guiding Light

The July 3 episode was one of the saddest episodes I’ve seen on Guiding Light since I tuned back into the show. The main thing that was sad about this episode was watching everyone else be happy while Olivia fell to pieces in misery. I couldn’t help but notice the stark difference between everyone else and the only lesbian couple on the show. Natalia and Olivia were falling apart (albeit temporarily), and everyone else was having fun at the annual Bauer BBQ. Why would you make them so miserable while everyone else is so happy?

I’m going to get real here for a moment by saying that Otalia is a huge draw to the Guiding Light. I’m aware there are other large fan bases (i.e. Bill and Lizzie aka Bizzie), but I have a feeling that none of those fan bases are larger than Otalia’s. Otalia drew non-soap opera watchers to Guiding Light in addition to wayward old fans like myself. It drew mainstream media attention where other story lines couldn’t. The Otalia story line drew passionate fans together to launch a campaign to save Guiding Light. I’m aware that Guiding Light knows how big the Otalia fan base is. That’s why I don’t understand why the writers chose to make Otalia so miserable and everyone else so happy. Aside from Phillip, Otalia’s scenes on the July 3 episode were the definition of misery. Even Phillip had some brighter moments in his gloom. Granted, Olivia was happy at the BBQ right until the end. Still, I knew that her happiness was about to be shattered the entire time. I just don’t understand this level of angst just for Otalia’s story line for the July 3 episode. After enduring so much angst from January 2009-April 2009, this pregnancy angle angst was one step too far for me. Otalia had enough angst dealing with Rafe’s “Rafertude.” This pregnancy angle and Natalia leaving without speaking to Olivia…it’s just too much angst. Sometimes there is a such thing as overkill. As far as I’m concerned, it was overkill in the angst level. There was no need to highlight the huge vast in Otalia’s misery and everyone else’s happiness.

I just wonder why the show’s most popular couple was treated to so much unnecessary angst. Are they trying to turn fans away? I’m just throwing the question out there because I know some Otalia fans quit Guiding Light after the July 3 episode. The cynical part of me is aware that if you turn fans against a show, it can be cancelled without a vocal fan base to try to save it. Let’s face it, Otalia’s fan base is very vocal, if not the most vocal. I have been a soap opera watcher since I was a toddler, and I have become a jaded soap opera fan over the past decade. Nothing about the soap opera industry surprises me anymore. I believe that most networks want out of the soap opera business, so the best way to kill soaps is to kill soap fans’ passion for a show. I’m not saying Proctor & Gamble is trying to turn us against Guiding Light, but I just wanted to play devil’s advocate for a moment.

Thoughts on the Depressing Turn in Guiding Light

I have praised the Guiding Light for the good story telling they have been doing. Now that the light is probably dimming and it probably won’t be picked up, I noticed a depressing turn in the show. I know I normally keep my posts Otalia-centered, but I have to mention another story line to provide some perspective.

Phillip, Olivia’s ex husband and Emma’s father, is dying and has three months to live. From what I have seen, the Guiding Light’s story telling (as a whole) started to come alive again with Phillip’s return to the show. I see the irony in giving him a life-ending illness because Guiding Light is dying itself. However, I think this was not a wise turn to take with Phillip. Fans of Phillip and Beth want a happy ending, and killing him is not the happy ending fans have in mind, which includes me. I also noticed that same depressing turn with the Otalia story line.

This pregnancy angle is not a stake in the heart to Otalia, which would turn it into ashes. I still believe that they will be together in the end, no matter what. However, the pregnancy angle is definitely depressing and unnecessary. Some fans are concerned what this means, especially if Natalia is truly pregnant. Again, I don’t believe Natalia is pregnant. If she is, then the fears I expressed two months ago might have some truth to it as far as I’m concerned. I would like to believe that “The Powers That Be” still care about giving the fans what they want. However, you never can tell in the days of dying soaps.

I have to wonder what’s going on with the depressing turn with some of Guiding Light’s favorite characters. As I writer, I know that when I’m depressed, my depressing thoughts can show up in what I write, and it can and does fuel me to write at my best. I wonder if the reality that Guiding Light is ending, which will result in job losses, is affecting the writing. Perhaps this could explain some of the solid and great writing with other story lines and depressing writing for others (i.e. Otalia and Phillip). Whatever is going on, Guiding Light has roughly two months and two weeks left on CBS. As a fan, I’m well aware that Guiding Light is ending. That’s a depressing enough thought. I don’t need or want to see depressing story lines on this show right now, which makes it more difficult to watch. Trust me, it was hard enough watching the last Bauer BBQ. Having Rick Bauer give a shout out to his Grandma Bert and watching the cast gather together like that was sadder than I expected. I just feel it would be nice to keep this depressing turn from going any further. There’s less than three months left before Guiding Light ends. As a result, I have a simple request: give the fans what they want and give us happy story lines.

Final Thoughts

In conclusion, I want to say a few more things about Otalia and Guiding Light. I know many Otalia fans have blind faith that Ellen Wheeler and Jill Lorie Hurst will deliver. I know other Otalia fans don’t have much faith that they will deliver. I am on Team Reality when it comes to Otalia at this point. I do not have blind faith in any soap opera execs and writers and never will. If you have watched soaps self destruct as I have, you understand why I can’t have blind faith. As I have said before, I have the faith of the mustard seed with Ellen Wheeler and Jill Lorie Hurst, which is something. I believe Otalia will be together when Guiding Light ends. It may or may not be what I expect, especially if the pregnancy angle remains. Either way, I have slowly come to terms with the Otalia story line over the past few weeks. Story angles that would have made me really upset a few weeks ago don’t upset me in the same way anymore.

I’m going to be honest with you. I am not as emotionally invested in Otalia as I was a couple of weeks ago. I started distancing myself emotionally the day the Crystal Chappell announcement (her return to Days of Our Lives) came out. That doesn’t mean that I still don’t love Otalia because I do. I just felt it was best for me to start distancing myself emotionally to prepare for the worst. The worst of course was the end of Otalia and Guiding Light. I’m to a point where whatever happens, happens in the Otalia story line. I care but not as deeply as I did a couple of weeks ago. I just can’t allow myself to continue to be so emotionally invested in Otalia – not after the way I felt after the Crystal Chappell announcement. I’m just along for the ride until it plays out to the very end.

That said, I am still waiting to see how this pregnancy angle plays out. I don’t like its progression at this point, but perhaps Jill Lorie Hurst has something up her sleeve that I can’t see. Perhaps there is something great in store to fix this pregnancy angle in the future. I don’t really like to speculate and I avoid spoilers, so I will wait and see.

I know this isn’t the Otalia post that many of you expect from me, but I had to be true to myself. I felt that I couldn’t write about Otalia as usual. This is the post that I needed to write this week so I wrote it. I was honest and true. As much as I love what Ellen Wheeler and Jill Lorie Hurst have done, this week’s progression of Otalia was problematic for me. I wasn’t about to let the inconsistencies fly by without talking about them. It confused me on many levels. It’s why I was having so much trouble trying to write the first version of this post. I’m aware there are some fans that have blind support on the Otalia story no matter what they see. I am not one of those fans. I wouldn’t be truthful with myself and you if I didn’t write what I feel. I feel that the Otalia story line took a depressing and wrong turn this week, but who knows what the upcoming week will bring. All I can do is watch and see.

Note: If you comment and choose to leave a spoiler, please identify it in advance with the word “spoiler,” or even separate it out to alert me that a spoiler is coming. I read everyone’s comments, but if I see the word “spoiler,” I stop reading at that point. Again, I have my process to make the magic happen with these Otalia posts. Thanks everyone for your continued love and support!

Author’s Note: I apologize for the lateness of this post, but a number of unexpected events kept me from completing it as I usually do (Saturday or Sunday).

The Otalia roller coaster took a dip into depression valley the week of June 15 as the angst ramped up and clouded some of Otalia’s radiance. The Guiding Light episodes for the week of June 22 would continue on level track right through depression valley for the most part. Nevertheless, this story would attempt a M. Night Shyamalan twist (more like The Village than The Sixth Sense) as the week ended, and a “Frankenclipse” unlike any other would darken Otalia’s light.

The June 22 episode began with Natalia, Olivia, and Emma continuing Rafe’s birthday celebration. With Rafe being a no show, Natalia’s mood was dampened, sad, and a bit lonely, despite Olivia and Natalia’s presence. Olivia correctly guessed that Natalia was hoping Rafe would return the farmhouse and celebrate his birthday. However, Natalia realized that he wouldn’t. Natalia expressed to Olivia that she’d hoped his birthday would be a new beginning, which would allow her to repair her relationship with Rafe. Despite Rafe’s slight progress in the June 19, 2009 episode, he still isn’t ready to deal with Natalia and Olivia’s relationship.

After Emma swiped a bit of icing from the cake and Olivia jokingly admonished her, Natalia decided that they should forge ahead without Rafe. Olivia seemed hesitant and asked Natalia if she was sure, but Natalia was resigned to celebrating Rafe’s birthday without him. As Olivia lit a matched and shared her flame with Natalia’s matchstick, I recognized the symbolism in this scene. When I reviewed the old Otalia footage (late 2008 and early January 2009), Olivia was the first to become aware of Natalia in a romantic way. It took some time for Natalia to recognize the torch Olivia was carrying for her. Having Olivia strike the match and pass her flame to Natalia symbolized how their romantic relationship has played out. Olivia carried the flame in an expressive way – via angst-ridden facial expressions – for many months. Natalia never allowed herself to truly accept what she felt for Olivia until she left Frank Cooper at the alter. Now that Natalia has accepted the torch from Olivia, it is Natalia that seems to be carrying it in this second act of the Otalia story line. As this story unfolds, it seems to be told with Natalia as the lead.

Emma attempted to blow out the candles and couldn’t, so she enlisted Natalia and Olivia’s help. Afterwards, Emma told them that she made her wish and asked if Natalia and Olivia did the same. Although Emma never revealed her wish, I have a feeling she wanted what she has wanted since the month of April – to move back into the farmhouse. When Olivia glanced up from Emma to gaze at Natalia, her expression indicated what she’d wished for. Olivia’s softly spoken “we made our wish” conveyed a very simple message – Olivia wants Natalia and Natalia wants Olivia. Natalia intercepted and received Olivia’s message, but I also felt that Natalia wished for something more. I think she wanted Rafe to accept them as a couple, and she hoped they could figure out a plan to bring him back into the family.

When Emma left them alone, Natalia explained the birthday traditions she’d established with Rafe while raising him. Because Rafe is a diabetic, Natalia has to make his cakes sugar-free. As she explained to Olivia, she wanted his birthdays to be special. Although Natalia was 16 and pregnant with Rafe, she still felt that his birth was the best day of her life. Given the saddened misery she’s been it, it’s clear that Natalia never regretted getting pregnant with Rafe at a young age. Like Natalia indicated on the June 19, 2009 episode, Rafe is more than her son; he’s her best friend. Olivia could see the effect Rafe’s absence was having on Natalia, which is why she reassured her she was a good mother. Natalia, however, was still feeling down on herself and seemingly blaming herself for creating the distance with Rafe. Her response to Olivia indicated as much.

Natalia: “I’m sitting here on my son’s birthday, in front of his birthday cake, and he’s not even here. He doesn’t even want to be in the same house with me.”

Based on the loneliness Rafe exhibited on the June 19, 2009 episode, this is not true. I think he definitely wants to be home and be near Natalia – as the mother he once knew.

Olivia: “That’s not true. He wants to be in the same house with you. He doesn’t want to be in the same house with me.”

I watched Rafe’s interaction with Olivia when he baked cookies with her on the June 9, 2009 episode. I also watched Rafe’s limited interaction with Olivia when he was in prison. He likes Olivia…or he did until he found out she was romantically linked to Natalia. His accusations that Olivia was forcing Natalia into a romantic relationship were spoken out of shocked anger.

Natalia: “No, he doesn’t want to be in the same house with us…if we’re together.”

Natalia couldn’t have spoken truer words. Right now, this is the last thing Rafe wants. He’s still battling over the Catholic doctrine and religious beliefs taught to him by Natalia.

Olivia looked a bit worried as she told Natalia that she wouldn’t lose Rafe. When Natalia conveyed her doubts, Olivia spoke with more confidence by telling her she wouldn’t let that happen. I felt Olivia was also trying to reassure herself, too. As she expressed to Natalia, their relationship could not survive if Natalia loses Rafe. Olivia spoke with encouragement and conviction as she told Natalia they would need to figure out how to bring Rafe back into the family. Natalia’s small smile and response was sad yet slightly hopeful. I feel like she wants to believe, yet I also sense a bit of remaining uncertainty.

When Olivia got ready to leave and take Emma back to summer camp, Natalia suggested rescheduling her job interview to join them. Emma had a service project at camp that Natalia wanted to be a part of. Olivia wisely encouraged Natalia to keep her job interview. Yet, she also told Natalia she’d love for her to be there because they love Natalia. Once again, I found myself smiling. This was the second time in a week Olivia verbally expressed that she loved Natalia – albeit in a different way. As I have explained before, Olivia shows that she loves Natalia often through actions and gazes filled with longing. It was just nice to hear the words again from Olivia. Before leaving, Olivia cupped Natalia’s cheek, and Natalia gave her another small smile. When I watched this scene, I felt that Olivia’s touch was one more of a “hang in there, we’ll get through it” caress.

Before her job interview, Natalia stopped by Company to speak with Frank about Rafe’s birthday. Frank explained that the Coopers – Marina, Daisy, and Frank – had his birthday celebration covered. I watched Natalia’s face light up into a smile as she expressed her gratefulness. I was relieved that the Coopers didn’t give Natalia a hard time; however, I also saw the irony and noticed the feeling of “what would have been” in this scene. Had Natalia – God forbid – married Frank, she would have celebrated Rafe’s birthday with the Coopers. Natalia ran away from Frank because of Olivia, and Rafe ran to Frank because of Olivia. The ironic part of this whole situation is this: no matter who Natalia chose, Rafe would have celebrated his birthday with the Coopers anyway. I personally think it’s unfortunate because the Cooper clan leaves me cold.

Soon afterwards, Natalia stopped by Towers and ordered a shot of Vodka. Blake Marler overheard Natalia and spotted her at the bar. Blake approached and joined her, and I found myself smiling at this scene for two reasons. First, Natalia was dabbling in strong spirits again; her first time (that I’m aware of) was on the June 11, 2009 episode when she connected with Rafe in a different way. Maybe Olivia is rubbing off on Natalia more than she realizes. It makes sense considering Natalia’s characteristics (i.e. gentleness and understanding) are rubbing off on Olivia. Second, I was just happy to see Blake. After her love vs. sex pep talk with Olivia in the June 11 episode, Blake elevated herself in a huge and significant way in my eyes.

Natalia explained that she was having a rough day. She expressed that her interview at Towers for a position didn’t go well. Blake sighed and asked about her job with Olivia, which is where Natalia explained she quit. Blake considered Natalia’s reply before saying the following:

Blake: “Oh…well, I can imagine she might be a little difficult to work for.” Natalia: “Oh, no she’s wonderful…”

Natalia didn’t think Olivia was so easy to work for on the October 22, 2008 episode. Right before Natalia accepted Olivia’s job offer as her assistant, Olivia collapsed and had a heart attack. Later, Natalia accepted Olivia’s offer after visiting her in her hospital room. Although she was weak, Olivia immediately started to fire off tasks for Natalia to complete. Natalia experienced some self-doubt, and Olivia pushed Natalia to see herself as she sees her – as a “freakin’ superhero.”

As I saw in the December 2008 episodes and onward, Natalia definitely started to see just how wonderful Olivia was – as a friend, as her family, and as the woman she loves.

Natalia: “I’m just really ready for something different. So I applied for a management job here, and they said that I was overqualified.”

There was a time when Natalia would have been under qualified for a management position at Towers. Natalia once worked at Towers waiting tables, and she was fired from that position. Of course, when Towers was short handed on the December 30, 2008 episode, they called Natalia back to work for that one night. On that episode, Natalia had made plans to stay up and celebrate the New Year with Emma and Olivia. Natalia decided to take the double wages Towers offered her instead. Before she left for Towers, Olivia encouraged Natalia to relax and enjoy herself for one night, but Natalia refused, citing fears about a shortage of money. Olivia asked Natalia to have faith in herself, but Natalia went to work at Towers anyway. Ultimately, Natalia glanced around and saw the crowd enjoying what she should have been experiencing –  a New Year’s celebration with loved ones. She walked off the job and returned home to Olivia and Natalia. I think it’s probable Towers might not have forgiven her for that. This is also a likely reason why Towers turned Natalia down for the management position.

Natalia expressed her frustrations to Blake about her feelings and qualifications as a job candidate. I could already see the wheels turning in Blake’s brain even before she said “hmm…I’m hiring.” Blake offered Natalia an opportunity to work as her assistant in her publishing business.

Blake: “I’d be willing to give you a shot. A shot…a shot.” Blake points at the Vodka glass. “It’s meant to be.” Natalia: “Can I get you a shot?” Natalia slides the glass over to Blake. “Here.”

When I watched this particular scene, I spotted one of my favorite things with actors – realness beyond the acting and portrayal of characters. I have re-watched this scene a few times, and I really thought Jessica Leccia (Natalia) and Elizabeth Keifer (Blake) were having fun with each other in this scene. It felt genuine to me. For a few seconds, I wasn’t seeing the Natalia and Blake characters. I saw Leccia and Keifer just being genuinely friendly and funny with each other. I spotted a similar moment between Leccia and Crystal Chappell (Olivia) in the May 20, 2009 episode during their picnic scene. As I have indicated before, I love these moments. I always love spotting a bit of the realness between actors who respect and like each other.

While Natalia was buying and drinking shots with Blake, Olivia was knee deep in the Earth planting flowers for Emma’s service project. Watching this scene for the first time was startling. I had one thought: “I can’t believe Olivia Spencer is in the dirt…planting flowers!” Granted, Olivia has stated that she is the outdoors type (see the May 6, 2009 episode), but she has never came off as the gardening type. I would expect this type of activity from Natalia but not Olivia. I know Olivia is doing this service project for Emma, but instinct tells me, she would have not enjoyed “playing around in the dirt.” As Alan Spaulding once said, Olivia is accustomed to a different type of lifestyle – mansions and servants. Once again, I felt Olivia’s comfort in doing something like gardening is a testament to how Natalia has changed her.

Emma approached Olivia and expressed the difference in the size of her family (her and Olivia) with everyone else’s. Emma’s mood seemed a bit down because I felt she was missing other members of her family – Rafe and Natalia. Fortunately, Natalia showed up at the right moment to join them and lifted Emma’s mood in the process. I smiled at Emma’ enthusiastic response to Natalia’s presence. Emma and Natalia clearly adore each other, and that’s conveyed every time they see each other. Emma truly sees Natalia as another mother. On the other hand, Emma’s enthusiastic response also outlined the difference in Natalia’s current relationship with Rafe. Emma would give everything to live at the farmhouse and experience the loving home she had with Olivia and Natalia again. Rafe can’t even stand being around Natalia more than a few minutes on his birthday.

While Emma left them alone for a few moments, Natalia filled Olivia in on her unsuccessful job interview and unexpected job offer from Blake. Olivia had a similar response to Blake’s when she warned Natalia that Blake was a hard person to work for. Natalia’s smile spread across her face when she told Olivia Blake said something similar about Olivia. If Natalia can handle working for Olivia, she can handle working for Blake.

Later, Emma, Olivia, and Natalia were gathered around the park’s gazebo discussing their efforts. I noticed the exuberance Emma had when Natalia showed up remained strong. I realized that Emma’s mood is brighter when she is with Olivia and Natalia. Both women were able to give her a good, stable home, and Emma clearly basks in that when all three of them are together.

As Emma ran off again, Olivia and Natalia found themselves alone, sitting on the gazebo’s steps. Natalia’s gaze followed Emma and confided to Olivia what I’ve known since late 2008.

Natalia: “I love her. She just sees the joy in everything she does.” Olivia: “I think she gets that from you.”

Olivia and Phillip noted the radiance that comes from Emma. As Phillip expressed to Olivia in the June 2, 2009 episode, Emma didn’t inherit her sweetness from either one of them. Phillip knew, just like Olivia, that Natalia had a good effect on Emma.

Natalia: “No, you’re her mother.” Olivia: “I’m not that person.” Natalia: “What person?” Olivia: “The person who sees the good in everything she does.”

Olivia should take some credit in Emma’s development for herself as well. I have watched Olivia interact with Emma for months, and she has been nothing short of a loving, considerate mother. She may not be nurturing in the sweet and gentle way Natalia is; however, Olivia does have her own nurturing qualities, which are evident in her interactions with Emma. Olivia is affectionate, funny, stern (in a loving, motherly way), and sensitive with Emma. She worries about being a good mother to Emma, and she goes into serious “mama bear” mode when someone (i.e. Spauldings) messes with her child. I believe Olivia’s interactions with Emma are driven by love but also old demons. As Olivia has stated before, Emma was the one thing (aside from loving Natalia) that she did right. She doesn’t want to let Emma down, and from where I’m standing, Olivia is doing an amazing job as a mother. Yes, I do believe Natalia has inspired Olivia to be a great mom, but she is doing much of it on her own.

Olivia: “I’m usually waiting for the other brick to fly at me…and hit my head.”

Natalia’s response to Olivia’s statement made me laugh aloud the first time I watched this scene. She made Olivia jump out of her skin by yelling “look out!” and grabbing her shoulder as if to say, “watch out for the brick.” This scene reminded me Agnes Nixon’s formula to successful soaps: “Make ‘em laugh, make ‘em cry, make ‘em wait.” Having Natalia scare Olivia like that definitely made me laugh, and I found their interaction in this scene heartwarming. It is nice to see Natalia and Olivia joking around with each other in a lighthearted manner. After enduring “Rafertudes” and “Frankenclipses” from Rafe, they both needed this moment.

Olivia jokingly yet lovingly admonished Natalia for scaring her, and Natalia apologized by explaining she hadn’t had an opportunity to laugh that day. Olivia immediately understood and told Natalia that she didn’t want it to be her last opportunity to laugh. Like Olivia, I don’t like to see Natalia in a melancholy mood, and if anyone can make Natalia laugh, it’s Olivia and Emma.

After finishing their gardening work at the park, Natalia called Rafe and left him a voicemail message while sitting on the gazebo bench. Rafe was still avoiding her calls, and Natalia expressed to Olivia that she doesn’t know what else she can do. Olivia conveyed the same sentiment. Rafe still needs time, and despite Natalia’s attempts to resolve things, he just isn’t ready. As Olivia and Natalia discussed Rafe, I noticed that he managed to bring on a partial “Frankenclipse” without being in their scenes. Natalia’s happier mood dampened again over the distance with Rafe. She posed a question to Olivia and asked if she would ever make things okay for her and for Rafe. As Natalia explained, she always tried to correspond her happiness with Rafe’s, but she may not be able to do so this time. Olivia answered Natalia honestly by saying that she was unsure.

Later, Natalia made another attempt to call Rafe and reached his voice mail again. When Olivia approached her, Natalia apologized for keeping their relationship in a holding pattern. Natalia reiterated that she wanted to fix her relationship with Rafe, even though he’s not ready to fix things with her. Olivia once again told Natalia that she didn’t mind waiting; however, her understanding response seemed to make Natalia switch gears and realize something. She did mind waiting and finally gave Olivia the green light signal to progress their relationship. As Natalia finally expressed her frustration in waiting, I watched Olivia’s expression closely. She focused that infamous smoldering gaze on Natalia, and I could feel the happiness and pride radiating from Olivia during this scene. Olivia has been ready for the world to know that they’re a couple and that she is in love with a wonderful person. I believe some of the things Olivia has said to Natalia – regarding Rafe being an adult and the secrecy of their relationship – finally registered. As Natalia’s continued to vent towards a crescendo, they declared, “I don’t wanna wait” at the same time. Olivia spoke for them both when she caressed Natalia’s cheek and told her they aren’t waiting for anything.

On the June 26 episode, Olivia dropped by the farmhouse to visit Natalia. As she reached out to hug Natalia, Olivia’s comment of “you forgot to lock the front door again” made me smile. There is an inside joke here among Otalia fans with this line. Many fans grew frustrated that Olivia and Natalia were interrupted during important conversations. Most of these interruptions occurred at the farmhouse where someone (namely Frank) would walk inside, sometimes without knocking. As a result, many Otalia fans encouraged the usage of locks on the farmhouse doors. Part of me wondered if Crystal Chappell ad-libbed this line as an acknowledgement to the fans. I’d like to believe that she did, but regardless, I got the message and its intent.

As they greeted each other with smiles, Olivia asked Natalia if she was excited about her first day at her new job. Natalia expressed some slight nervousness about walking into the unknown world of publishing; however, Olivia offered her reassurance. Olivia reminded Natalia that she didn’t know about the hotel business but learned it from the ground up. In return, Natalia sprinkled words of flattery towards Olivia by telling her she had a wonderful teacher. Olivia replied to Natalia’s flattery by saying “that’s true, I am wonderful.” Yes, I do agree, Olivia; you are wonderful.

During this exchange, I noticed that Natalia and Olivia were unable to control their affectionate touches and gazes towards each other. For the most part, Olivia was the one initiating the contact, which is unsurprising. As I have explained in prior posts, Olivia is the most physically expressive of the pair. To reiterate, she shows her love through actions. Nevertheless, Olivia and Natalia both expressed their love verbally in another way – by saying “I choose you.”

When Natalia asked about Olivia’s plans for today, Olivia revealed that she was going to tell Emma about their relationship. Natalia asked if Olivia felt Emma was ready for this conversation. Olivia expressed optimism about how Emma would handle the news. Granted, Emma is a child and doesn’t understand some things like Rafe would. Nevertheless, I believe Emma would adjust to the concept of Olivia and Natalia as a couple. Would she have questions? She should have plenty; however, Emma wouldn’t experience a full blown freak out like Rafe. As Olivia explained her strategy for telling Emma, Natalia made the natural assumption that she would be involved. After all, they agreed to tell Emma and Rafe together on the May 28, 2009 episode. Olivia explained that she wanted to tell Emma first. I believe Olivia’s decision has everything to do with how Rafe reacted. Natalia was understanding of Olivia’s choice and ultimately agreed with her decision. Before saying goodbye and starting their days, they grasped hands and wished each other luck.

Later at the Beacon, Olivia was pacing in her suite and giving herself a pep talk about her pending discussion with Emma. The summer camp counselor brought Emma home shortly afterwards. Olivia seemed optimistic and confident when she greeted Emma, but she immediately picked up that something was wrong. The counselor explained an incident where Emma felt excluded from a group of friends. Apparently, Emma and a few friends agreed to wear pink shirts and Emma forgot. She felt different because of it and like an outsider. I watched Olivia’s face while she listened to the counselor, and I had a feeling she was going to change her mind. When Olivia sat down to talk with Emma, she still had plans to tell her about Natalia. Olivia started off well enough by saying that there was nothing wrong in being different. Yet, Emma’s reply that she didn’t want to be different derailed everything. Olivia changed her mind in an instant, and I felt she was probably reflecting over how people have treated her in the past. In the end, Olivia decided to postpone their discussion.

At Towers, Blake was introducing Natalia to the wonderful world of publishing. Natalia started off her new job well by giving Blake an idea to promote one of her authors. As Blake gave Natalia her kudos, she told her that Olivia was a fool to let her go. Blake gave her a speculative look before asking the reason behind Natalia’s departure as Olivia’s assistant. Natalia’s explanation started out as I’m sure she planned, but she made a slip of the tongue by saying she and Olivia needed time apart. Blake noticed the interesting phrasing of Natalia’s words and questioned her further. Natalia realized how her words sounded and tried to change the subject. Nonetheless, Blake had picked up the scent and followed the trail, refusing to let it go. Natalia increasingly grew uncomfortable based on her body language and her facial expressions. I could tell she was hoping against hope that Blake would drop the subject and not follow the accidental breadcrumbs she’d left. Alas, it was too late because Blake had started putting the pieces together. She brought up the rumors about Olivia and Natalia and mentioned how she’d run into them at the spa. Blake finally made the connections and realized the truth – Olivia and Natalia are a couple. Based on Natalia’s expression, I felt like she wished she could rewind their conversation and fix her slip of the tongue. Nevertheless, Natalia was unaware that her facial expressions helped give it away, not just her words. I watched her face very carefully during these scenes, and it was obvious Blake had been doing the same as she figured things out. Natalia was unsure how Blake would react, which is why she asked if Blake wanted her job offer back. I think she was remembering Alan Spaulding and Doris Wolfe’s reactions to Emma’s My Two Mommies presentation in late January and February 2009 episodes. Instead, Blake looked surprised that Natalia would suggest such a thing. She offered to throw Natalia and Olivia a luncheon, and Natalia seemed caught off guard by the support. At this moment, I think she was having flashbacks of how Rafe reacted and didn’t expect Blake to be so open minded. When Natalia asked why Blake wasn’t upset, I thought Blake’s response was unexpected yet funny. Blake made a joke that she was a little upset that Natalia chose Olivia over her, which resulted in a small yet hesitant smile from Natalia. Blake’s encouraging words on finding the rarity of true love reminded me of her conversation with Olivia. When I watched these scenes between Blake and Natalia, I wasn’t surprised by Blake’s easy acceptance. Based on her interactions with Olivia, I felt that Blake would be open to love in any form. I could tell how much Blake continued to long for Ross, her deceased husband. She knew that true love is rare and expressed as much to Natalia. Blake told Natalia that she could trust her with their secret. Naturally, Natalia looked rather dubious considering Blake isn’t one for keeping secrets. Blake clearly read the doubt on Natalia face like I did and addressed it in a straight-forward manner. She reassured Natalia that she could be trusted and be a really good friend. I felt Blake’s words were heartfelt and that she really did want to be a good friend to Natalia (and Olivia).

After ending her workday, Natalia went to Company and met up with Olivia. Olivia asked how her first day at the new job went, but Natalia didn’t answer the question. Instead, she told Olivia that Blake knew about their relationship. I watched Olivia’s smile evaporate, and her face took on an apprehensive expression at the news. Natalia tried to assure Olivia that Blake could be trusted, but Olivia was doubtful herself. Natalia expressed that it shouldn’t matter because she was under the assumption that Olivia had her talk with Emma. Of course, Olivia put off the discussion and confessed to Natalia that she “chickened out.”

Olivia and Natalia discussed how they would counteract Springfield’s gossip. They both wanted to avoid having Emma find out about them the way Rafe did. Olivia told Natalia that they have to figure out how to be together without constantly explaining themselves to others. At this point, I knew exactly where Olivia was going when I watched this scene the first time. Although I touched on it briefly, Blake wanted to throw Olivia and Natalia a luncheon. What I didn’t discuss was that Blake felt a luncheon was the perfect way to come out as a couple and address it once. Olivia had the same idea as Blake but suggested a different venue and format – the infamous Bauer BBQ for the July 4^th celebration. Natalia didn’t require any convincing, and she easily agreed to Olivia’s suggestion, which would be their first “official” date. (Note: As far as I’m concerned, Olivia and Natalia’s first date occurred on the April 24, 2009 episode but I digress.) Natalia and Olivia agreed to go back to their original decision (on the May 28 episode) and tell Emma together. As they confirmed their plans and smiled at each other, I spotted signs of a “Frankenclipse” ahead.

After complaining about the burning smell coming from the stove at Company, Natalia rose from the table and excused herself. While Olivia was ordering cake and ice cream to celebrate, Natalia had a sickened expression on her face as she stared in the restroom mirror. As she stood over the sink, Natalia dabbled some water against her face, and I knew exactly what had transpired. She had spent some time hugging the porcelain throne. There are a number of logical explanations for Natalia’s sickness.

• Maybe she has food poisoning.
• Maybe she had one too many snickerdoodles during “happy fun times cookie day” with Olivia and Emma.
• Maybe she has the swine flu.
• Maybe she is pregnant with Frank’s baby.

I don’t like to speculate too much beyond what I see in the current week’s episodes, but in this instance, I am going to do just that.

Note: As many of you are aware, I don’t read spoilers. I have to maintain a pure experience when watching Otalia every week. However, I was exposed accidentally to a specific spoiler that I’m about to discuss. I am breaking my Otalia writing method in this instance, but since I am aware of this spoiler, I have to talk about it.

*begin spoiler alert*

As of July 1 (the date I finished this post), I have not seen any of the Guiding Light episodes for the week of June 29. This is very unusual because I watch the show every day, but I have been working on this Otalia post among other writing projects for the past few days. There just hasn’t been enough hours in the day to watch the show yet. As a result, I have no idea what’s been occurring the week of June 29 on Guiding Light. However, I am aware that Natalia is very much impregnated with Frank’s baby.

To reiterate, I was exposed accidentally to the spoiler concerning Natalia. I didn’t seek it out believe me. After I found out, I sighed long and heavily because this pregnancy angle is a jump the shark moment. I have been on board with everything the Guiding Light has done in writing the Otalia story, but this jarring news was unsettling. Since I discovered the spoiler, I have been trying very hard not to sink into negativity. I have been trying very hard to keep the faith. I have been trying very hard to follow the end of this rainbow towards what I hope is the pot of gold – an Otalia end game. I really want to believe Natalia just has swine flu like I suggested. I really want to believe this pregnancy angle is not as it appears. Based on that one spoiler, all I know at this moment is that Natalia thinks she is pregnant.

I realize the writers have to write Jessica Leccia (Natalia) off the show for her month-long maternity leave. In my wildest dreams, I never imagined that Ellen Wheeler and Jill Lorie Hurst would come up with a pregnancy angle. It is what it is, and I have had time to allow the news to sink in. I do not want to say anything further on how I feel about the pregnancy angle until I see how it plays out. Like I said, I am trying very hard to keep the faith. I will wait and see. That’s all I can do at this point.

*end spoiler alert*

Special Announcement

If you missed my blog post on Crystal Chappell’s departure to Days of Our Lives and the state of soap operas, be sure to check out this link. I get real and I get honest, especially on the current state of daytime drama.

Note: If you comment and choose to leave a spoiler, please identify it in advance with the word “spoiler,” or even separate it out to alert me that a spoiler is coming. I read everyone’s comments, but if I see the word “spoiler,” I stop reading at that point. Again, I have my process to make the magic happen with these Otalia posts. Thanks everyone for your continued love and support!

I’ve caught on to how Guiding Light swings the pendulum for Otalia; therefore, I was (somewhat) mentally prepared for this week’s episodes. I am extremely grateful I had a beautiful Otalia experience the week of June 8 because I knew the week of June 15 was going to be a painful Otalia experience. As many of you know, I don’t read spoilers because I must maintain a “pure” Otalia experience to write these posts, but I was going with my instincts. I knew the writers would dip this roller coaster ride down into a deep valley of depression, and I knew there would be few lighthearted, smile-inducing moments. As predicted, I was right.

The June 15 episode picked up right after Rafe called his mother, Natalia, out over her interactions with Olivia from the June 12, 2009 episode. At the end of the June 12 episode, I felt Natalia knew Rafe spotted the intimacy between her and Olivia. In the beginning of the June 15 episode, I thought Natalia was trying to play the denial card with Rafe. Deep down, I think she knew he suspected the truth, but I felt Natalia was hoping he didn’t know about Olivia yet. When he asked, again, what was going on, Natalia’s replied that they were getting ready for dinner. Albeit true, that wasn’t all Natalia and Olivia were doing before Rafe’s outburst over their intimate behavior. Olivia decided to play along with Natalia’s denial response by agreeing they were preparing for his celebratory dinner. Rafe responded by snapping at Olivia with a bit of “Rafertude.” Natalia immediately addressed it by demanding he stop speaking to Olivia in a bad tone of voice. However, Rafe was building up to a full-blown “Rafertude” when he fired back at Natalia about how she raised him to adhere to the Bible and Catholic church’s teachings. After Rafe demanded an explanation once more, Natalia finally admitted to herself that he was clued in on her romantic relationship with Olivia.

I observed Olivia’s facial expression as Natalia told Rafe she didn’t want him to find out the way he did. I felt like she was recalling a discussion she had with Natalia on the April 22, 2009 episode. Right after they confessed their love for each other, Olivia tried to make Natalia see the consequences of pursuing a romantic relationship. On the April 22 episode, Olivia told Natalia that pure hell would come for the both of them. As Olivia indicated back then, she had time to think about the obstacles and issues they would face as a couple. In the June 15 episode, I felt Olivia was seeing the reaction from Rafe she’d probably imagined from the April 22 episode. However, like Natalia, I’m sure Olivia thought they would be able to tell Rafe together and hope for a less freaked out response. I then turned my attention to Natalia’s face after studying Olivia’s expression. I felt she was experiencing a bit of regret by not listening to Olivia’s suggestion to tell Rafe sooner. Olivia, of course, has been pushing to be out of the closet for a few weeks. Natalia wanted to wait until Rafe adjusted, which I could understand. On the other hand, as Olivia indicated on the June 2, 2009 episode, Rafe cannot be coddled forever. Olivia and Natalia were having a hard time restraining their natural inclinations to touch each other and they were caught. If Rafe had been told earlier, perhaps they could have avoided this type of confrontation from him. I felt these were some of the thoughts running through Natalia’s head as she watched her son’s reaction.

Olivia and Natalia both tried to explain why he hadn’t been told and that their relationship was unexpected. I then studied Rafe’s reaction as he processed everything. He knew what was going on with Olivia and Natalia on the June 11, 2009 episode. I think hearing them admit to their relationship just made what he saw a lot more real. He could barely look at the both of them at this point, and at that moment, I feel like Rafe’s reactions were realistic. I am aware that Natalia stressed the importance of following God’s teachings to Rafe. In his eyes, she was being duplicitous on some of the teachings and values she passed to him as a child. Because Natalia is a firm believer and follower in the Catholic faith, Rafe would look at his mother as a hypocrite right now. As far as he’s concerned, Olivia and Natalia being together romantically doesn’t make sense because of everything he was taught.

Emma’s appearance during the tense-filled moment was a much-needed, temporary interruption. Watching the pain and hurt between Rafe, Natalia, and Olivia was difficult for me because I had sympathy for all three characters at this moment. Obviously, there wouldn’t be a celebratory dinner, and Olivia knew that Natalia needed time with Rafe alone. As Olivia turned to Natalia and told her “it’s going to be okay,” I felt she was assuring herself and Natalia of that. I think Olivia was conveying to Natalia, in her own way, to summon the same strength she expressed with Father Ray when talking to Rafe. Olivia has faith in Natalia, and I believe she wanted Natalia to know that from her words and the way she looked at her before leaving. Of course, I knew the angst would ramp up once Olivia and Emma left the farmhouse, but I was hoping it wouldn’t be so painfully brutal and angering to watch.

I let out a long, frustrated sigh when Rafe jumped to bad conclusions about Olivia. I do not like it when anyone views Olivia so negatively, no matter who it is. As I have indicated in a previous post, this is a testament to how much this character has grown into a heroine. The emotional side of me wanted me to go to war with Rafe when he inferred Olivia was “doing something” to Natalia. On the other hand, when I looked at things in a logical way, his views made sense. When Rafe asked Natalia if Olivia was forcing her into their relationship or blackmailing her, I reflected on the past. I’m aware Olivia doesn’t have the best reputation in Springfield. If Natalia were an angel, then Olivia would be a demon when reviewing her past behavior. This is why Olivia expressed in the June 12, 2009 episode that she didn’t do anything to deserve Natalia. I think Olivia feels unworthy to have Natalia’s love because of her past; however, Olivia doesn’t see the person she has become like Natalia does. The same can be said of Rafe in that he doesn’t see Olivia as she is now. While he knows Olivia has been a good friend to Natalia, Rafe has not been able to see the growth and softening of her personality. He was incarcerated during Olivia’s transformation. Even though Olivia did see Rafe in prison, their visits weren’t frequent enough for him to see her for who she has become. I feel Rafe sees more of the old Olivia, even though he also sees a bit of the new Olivia.

Natalia’s defense of Olivia by confirming she wasn’t forced into anything was spot on. Rafe is unaware just how much Olivia struggled and hurt herself (emotionally) to give up what she wanted to make Natalia happy. During Frank’s courtship of Natalia, Olivia tried to express her feelings to Natalia several times. Others always conveniently interrupted them, or Natalia pushed the conversation to the side because she was in denial about her own feelings. Conversely, Olivia also realized it would be better to give up Natalia and not pursue her. Olivia was not blind to Natalia’s struggles between her faith and the attraction she felt towards Olivia. At the time – specifically February 2009 through mid April 2009 – she grew to feel a relationship with Natalia was hopeless. Even though Olivia wanted Natalia with a yearning that was heartbreaking to watch, she put her desires last. If Olivia “forced” Natalia into anything, it was an ill-fated decision to agree to Frank’s proposal and a rushed wedding. Olivia was unaware that Natalia was getting to a place where she wanted to choose Olivia and pursue her feelings. There were several times when Olivia said things she thought Natalia needed to hear during those angst-filled months. Natalia listened and took Olivia’s advice for a few reasons:

• Rejection - I felt just when Natalia was ready to take a leap of faith, Olivia would say something that she interpreted as rejection. I watched this happen many times, and it was often frustrating to see. However, I can understand Natalia not wanting to step out on faith towards Olivia during those perceived rejections. Even though she could see Olivia’s love for her, Natalia also knew that Olivia was struggling with it as well. After Olivia unintentionally rejected her, Natalia wouldn’t want to open herself up to further rejection so she let it go.
• Familiarity - Being with a man was familiar and normal territory for Natalia. While she cared for and loved Frank in her own way, she was never in love with him. Her heart belonged to Olivia, but exploring her feelings was unfamiliar and completely foreign to her. It was easier to stay on the safe route than veer off course into something new.
• Fear - Natalia loved Gus, and she held onto that love even when they were apart for so many years. No one has ever made her love again until Olivia came along. It scared her because that love came packaged in the female form rather than the male form. It also scared Natalia because I think Olivia is her true love whereas her love for Gus is idealized and fairy tale like. Olivia was far from the fairy tales she fantasized about when it came to her ideas on love.

The full-blown “Frankenclipse” Rafe brought on continued, and he grew more upset with Natalia as she tried to explain. When he begged her to tell him that Olivia was nothing more than an “itch to scratch,” I felt anger, sympathy, and understanding. The emotional side of me was very upset at Rafe for wanting to belittle Natalia and Olivia’s relationship. He probably saw their relationship as nothing more than an early midlife crisis on Natalia’s side. He also might have felt she wanted to explore the “wild side” rather than sticking with the “tame side.” I know their relationship is none of these things; nevertheless, I understand I’m viewing Olivia and Natalia’s relationship differently from Rafe.

I have watched a slow building romance between Olivia and Natalia for months. There is nothing but love between these two women. This isn’t a kinky, short-term sexual escapade for Natalia and Olivia, but that was probably how Rafe was viewing them at this particular moment. He has not seen the love develop between Olivia and Natalia. Looking at it from his side, it’s conceivable he would think what they feel isn’t long-term. Oddly enough, the emotional side of me also felt sympathy and understanding for Rafe at this point. Like Natalia, Rafe also felt Gus was the one “perfect” love for his mother. He was suspicious about Natalia’s decision to marry Frank. I remember him questioning her about her feelings for Frank. Part of Rafe was looking out for his mother and making sure she was happy. However, I feel like part of him was asking because he probably sees Gus in the same fairy tale manner as Natalia did. Like Natalia, Rafe’s view of Olivia as true love was not the image he ever imagined. In that regard, Rafe is truly his mother’s son. Natalia had months to reconcile that her image of true love is not what she imagined; Rafe has not. Strangely, I view Rafe’s reaction (at this point) in a similar way to Natalia’s reaction when people thought she and Olivia was a couple. The January 21, 2009 and February 5, 2009 episodes show a familiar reaction coming from Natalia. Obviously, Natalia has come a long way since then.

I was very proud of Natalia when she told Rafe she was in love with Olivia and that what they have would not be over soon. She was dredging up that same courage she had with Father Ray, which was the courage Olivia conveyed (silently) to her to have before leaving the farmhouse. Natalia refused to belittle and cave on her feelings for Olivia, even though she was clearly hurting for Rafe and was concerned about his feelings. My heart also ached a bit for Natalia and Rafe during this scene because they were both experiencing agonizing pain yet for different reasons. Yet, it wouldn’t take long for Rafe to decimate the sympathy I felt for him.

I expected more “Rafertude” from Rafe, but he took it to a completely new level. His explosive denial that Natalia could not possibly love Olivia killed my sympathy as sharply as his knife-wielding words cut and wounded Natalia. I watched as Natalia gently reaffirmed her love for Olivia, explained that what they have feels right, and expressed (in the most heartfelt way) that she needs her. Rafe just wasn’t trying to hear it. He was coming up with every excuse in the book to explain what Natalia and Olivia have. To his way of thinking, it couldn’t be true love between them. The emotional side of my brain grew dark with thunderous clouds when I watched these particular set of scenes for the first time.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been trying to cut Rafe some slack. I have tried to give people some insight into his reactions so they wouldn’t dislike him so much. I have tried with Rafe just Natalia has tried with Rafe, despite his “Rafertude.” Unfortunately, I experienced a moment of weakness as my heart dropped during these scenes, and pure disdain for Rafe consumed me. When I watched Rafe blow up at Natalia, I crossed over to the “smack Rafe” side for the first time ever. Just like I dislike it when anyone expresses negativity towards Olivia, I truly dislike it when someone does this to Natalia. The fact that it was Natalia’s son just made it worse. Rafe Rivera had me in a downright “I really can’t stand this kid” mood the first time I saw these scenes. He was already exhibiting a disrespectful “Rafertude” towards Olivia and Natalia, but it grew worse as the June 15 episode continued. I had to re-watch these scenes a few times before the logical and analytical side of me tried to understand Rafe’s viewpoint.

To reiterate, he’s seeing Olivia and Natalia as a romantic pairing as an impossibility right now. I have already addressed why he felt that way earlier in this post; however, Rafe also provided other reasons behind his reaction. He feels that Olivia has been the crutch of support Natalia needed while he was in prison. Rafe might feel Natalia is confusing gratitude and the friendship love they have with romantic love. As Rafe also stated, he thinks Natalia is drawn to Olivia in a romantic way because she has Gus’ heart. All of these things account for the “weirdness” Rafe expressed when he pleaded with Natalia to end things with Olivia. Again, Natalia did not cave when it comes to Olivia. She retorted that they are not weird and that she hopes they can be a blended family one day. She tried to make him see that family and love is what counts, no matter who the person is. As difficult as it was to watch, Rafe’s continuous buildup of anger and confusion towards Natalia was genuine. He was once again feeling like Natalia was being a hypocrite with all of the values she taught him. Right now, he is seeing things as black or white, not grey. It is logical for Rafe to feel this way and see things in this manner. Natalia had that same black or white viewpoint before she accepted that love was love, no matter who it is. As I continued to watch these scenes, the emotional side of me was outraged when Rafe yelled that Natalia and Olivia could go to hell. However, the logical side of me knew that Rafe saying this makes sense. Again, he is relying on what he was taught in the Bible and through Catholic doctrine.

When Rafe told Natalia to “go and get your girl,” I swung from anger at Rafe to heartache for Natalia. I watched as she stood in front of Rafe and took his criticisms silently. My heart ached as Natalia’s face expressed hurt, concern, regret, and disappointment. Once again, I got the impression that Natalia wished she would have followed Olivia’s suggestion to tell him sooner rather than later about them. I really believe that Rafe’s accidental discovery of their relationship played a role in how severely he reacted. Perhaps his reaction would have been a little less harsh if they’d sat him down and explained things. Perhaps his words of anger would have been mere flesh wounds rather than escalating stabs of fury to the heart. In the end, I still felt Rafe would have said some of the same things no matter how he was told.

I felt Natalia was a little defeated by the time Rafe finished his tirade. All of the progress she’d made with Rafe on the June 11, 2009 episode evaporated. If anything, Natalia was at a worse place than I’ve ever seen her with her son. Natalia knew that as well as she cried out his name and watched him storm off in anger.

While Natalia stopped by Frank Cooper’s place to search for Rafe, Olivia went to her favorite frenemy confidant – Doris Wolfe. When Olivia and Emma left the farmhouse, I had a feeling that the “fear monster” would grab a hold of her again. One of probably several martinis at Towers couldn’t give her the reassurance she needed. I could tell Olivia was concerned with how Natalia was handling the situation with Rafe. When her worry drove her to the courthouse to seek out Doris, I wasn’t surprised. Olivia was following her normal pattern when the “fear monster” consumes her, and I smiled because Guiding Light’s writers continues to show me this pattern.

As Olivia explained what happened with Rafe, I discovered that Doris is not the big bad “Wolfe” she portrays at times. Doris’ revelation that she helped get Rafe a job was surprising and definitely unexpected. Before I saw this scene, I actually wondered if Olivia had used her connections to help Rafe land his new job. She did indicate in the June 2, 2009 episode that she would continue to help Rafe. I admit I had a sneaking suspicion that Olivia was behind Rafe’s good luck turnaround on the job search. I was wondering if Olivia was keeping it a secret because she didn’t want Natalia or Rafe to know she helped him get the job. However, to my pleasant surprise, I was totally wrong. Doris was the angel in disguise who helped Rafe get a job, and I definitely didn’t see that coming. I realized then that Doris was firmly behind Olivia and Natalia as a couple and wanted them to be happy. Sometimes I am a little unsure of Doris because she has said/done some things that I agree and disagree with regarding Otalia. I never know which side of the coin Doris will present, but she definitely gave me the good side in doing something nice for Rafe, Natalia, and Olivia’s benefit.

When Olivia explained that they were waiting for the perfect moment to tell Rafe, I agreed with Doris’ response. There is never a perfect moment to come out of the closet to children or anyone else for that matter. I think you just have to pick a moment and prepare for the worst but hope for the best. Clearly, Doris wants to maintain a false illusion for her daughter, Ashley, but Olivia and Natalia do not want this when it comes to their kids. When Ashley walked in on them, I studied Olivia’s face as she watched Doris and Ashley interact. I felt she was taking in the sharp contrast between Doris and Ashley’s lighthearted relationship and the current darkness of Natalia and Rafe’s relationship. I had a feeling that Olivia understood at that moment why Doris lived in the closet. She saw how Rafe reacted, but Olivia is unaware just how turbulent things got once she left. I think Olivia clearly noticed the difference in her situation with Natalia and Doris’ situation. I felt Olivia still would choose to be out of the closet and open in her relationship with Natalia. As Natalia once said, Olivia is one of the most honest and straightforward individuals she knew. Even though Olivia was attempting (and failing) to hide her love from Natalia, she was expressing the honesty of her feelings in other ways – mainly through actions. Here are a few examples:

December 24, 2008

When Emma went “missing,” Olivia was in a panic, and Natalia offered to help find her. They started arguing, mainly because Olivia was scared (and reasonably so). When Olivia asked why she cared, Natalia told her she would “die for that kid.” After those words, Olivia paused for several seconds and stared at Natalia. I think she expressed a moment towards Natalia that indicated, “I think I could fall in love with you for that alone.” Of course, Olivia was already in that zone but unaware of it. Some of her prior actions had started her down the path to loving Natalia romantically.

January 13, 2009

Natalia urged Olivia to take a thicker coat because it was colder than they expected. Olivia’s soul stirring, heart pounding stare at Natalia and her slow smile expressed just how much she adored Natalia for caring.

January 16, 2009

As Emma presented the “My Two Mommies” presentation for Family Day, Olivia was clued into what everyone was thinking – that they were a couple. Natalia was completely unaware of what the other parents and school officials were thinking. Nevertheless, Olivia didn’t release the grip she had on Natalia’s hand during the entire presentation for one second.

January 19, 2009 and January 21, 2009

Olivia tried to get Natalia to see that the parents at Family Day thought they were a romantic couple. Despite everything Olivia threw her way – other than simply saying they think we’re lesbians – Natalia just couldn’t see her point. Considering Olivia had consumed a few martinis at Towers after the presentation, her inhibitions were lowered. As a result, she expressed what the parents were thinking and how she felt by kissing Natalia. The January 19 and January 21 episodes showed two different outcomes on the kiss; however, there was one thing that remained consistent in the aftermath. Olivia never regretted that kiss, and she was beginning to pull any remainder blinders off regarding her romantic feelings towards Natalia.

There are many other examples of Olivia expressing the honesty of what she felt for Natalia from that point forward (and before). However, the ones I mentioned were key in showing that Olivia was walking down a romantic path in her feelings for Natalia. There is no way Olivia (or Natalia for that matter) could hide in the closet forever. Granted, there would be an emotional and mental cost in telling their children, but at least they would be open and honest.

When Olivia returned to the farmhouse, I felt she was hesitant and mentally bracing herself to find out what happened between Rafe and Natalia. Olivia definitely had a “prepared for the worst but hoping for the best” expression on her face. She needed it, too, when Natalia explained how her conversation with Rafe went. When Olivia asked how things stood with them as a couple, I already knew the answer before Natalia did. It was in their faces and their body language. Even though Natalia said she didn’t know, I knew. The physical distance between Olivia and Natalia as they cleared up the table indicated where things were headed. In the June 11, 2009 and June 12, 2009 episodes, they couldn’t resist being near each other. At the end of the June 15 episode, I knew that Olivia and Natalia were about to take a step back because of Rafe’s reaction.

As the June 18 episode started, I was mentally prepared for more Otalia-related angst, “Rafertudes,” and at least one “Frankenclipse.” Instead of the angst coming from Frank or Rafe, it came from Marina, Frank’s daughter. When Natalia dropped by Company to find Frank, I detected some coolness coming from Marina. She avoided looking at Natalia during most of their conversation at this point, but this was an understandable reaction. Marina welcomed Natalia into the Cooper clan by expressing it through words and through a gift. She also helped Natalia get ready for her non-wedding to Frank. As far as Marina was concerned, Natalia was a Cooper until she broke Frank’s heart. Even though Natalia has more than enough on her shoulders, Marina telling her not to take advantage of Frank made sense. As far as Marina is concerned, it appears Natalia is using Frank even after hurting him. Natalia definitely isn’t using Frank. After all, he voluntarily stepped up to remain in Natalia’s life, even if it’s on the outer edges. Natalia didn’t ask him to serve as Rafe’s mentor. She didn’t ask him to take Rafe in after he packed and left the farmhouse on the June 15 episode. As I have indicated, I don’t like it when anyone lashes out at Natalia. On the other hand, the logical side of me says that Natalia should expect to receive heat from the Cooper clan. They are not happy with her for hurting Frank, and after observing Natalia’s down expression, she is still regretting what she did to Frank.

When Natalia called Frank from Company, she asked if Rafe was ready to speak to her. I was a bit disappointed but unsurprised that Rafe declined. He clearly needed time to accept the reality of Olivia and Natalia as a romantic couple. After asking how Rafe was doing, I really could have done without a partial “Frankenclipse” from Frank. Marina had already set things in motion for a “Frankenclipse,” and he finished the job. Natalia gets that she didn’t handle things well with Rafe, and Frank could have been a bit more gentler in his response. When Frank echoed nearly the same prophetic words Buzz expressed about Natalia not thinking, it made me sigh in frustration. I do believe Natalia definitely understands this in a clear and obvious way. It doesn’t help to keep hearing people (the Coopers) reiterate this. What also didn’t help was Marina getting back on Natalia’s case again about Frank among other things.

Natalia: “Marina, I was just checking on Rafe. I didn’t plan on any of this to happen.” Marina: “No, see…Natalia that’s the problem. You don’t plan on anything to happen.”

No one plans to fall in love with a particular person. If everyone could plan to fall in love with the right person, then no one would ever be hurt from loving someone. I’m 100% positive Natalia and Olivia had no plans to fall for each other. Believe me, if Natalia had plans on falling in love several months ago, she would have chosen Frank over Olivia. Her religious and personal views would have necessitated it.

Marina: “Life just seems to happen to you, and then everyone around you has to pay the price.”

Correct me if I’m wrong, but sometimes life just seems to happen to all of us (at one time or another). Could Natalia have restrained her behavior around Olivia better? Of course, she could have. However, she and Olivia are only human. These two love each other, and they have to clamp down their desire in showing affection because they aren’t out of the closet. After containing their impulses for weeks, it’s only natural that they expressed some of that affection by touching each other. After Rafe went out for a jog, they thought they were alone at the farmhouse for a while, which has been their safe haven. They definitely didn’t plan on Rafe catching their uninhibited behavior.

Natalia: “I didn’t make this situation.” Marina: “No, you just seem to fall into situations, and then you react to them without taking any responsibility or control. And that’s when people get hurt…like my dad.”

When Natalia told Marina that she didn’t make this situation, she was half-right and half wrong. If by “this situation” Marina was referring to hurting Frank, then Natalia did make that situation to a degree. Natalia knew she wasn’t in love with Frank when she accepted his proposal. She was encouraged by Olivia to marry Frank, but ultimately, it was her own decision to make. I understand why Natalia made the choice to marry Frank, and she thought she could go through with it. Nevertheless, she couldn’t do it, and she does have the right to change her mind, even if it is at the last minute. On the other hand, Frank helped make “this situation,” too. After he slept with Natalia, he told her they could slow things down. However, he rushed out in the next instant, bought a wedding ring, and proposed to her. Frank should have known it was too soon to propose. I understand he felt he was doing the right thing but he wasn’t. In his way of thinking, Frank felt proposing would help ease her guilt by sleeping with him. Still, a smart person would know when someone is not feeling them the same way. Natalia conveyed those signals, but Frank was clearly too blinded by love to see them.

As for Natalia falling into situations and reacting to them, I had another eye rolling moment over Marina’s statement. People fall into situations and react to them; that’s called life. No one can plan how to avoid bad or hurtful things in their lives. If we were capable of that, we would never grow as human beings. When Marina made this statement, I felt like she was making Natalia out to be downright reckless. Natalia did take responsibility for hurting Frank. She admitted as much when Frank started arguing with Olivia on the May 4, 2009 episode. Hurting Frank hurt Natalia because it was never her intent.

When I analyzed the statements Marina made, I had another gut feeling that her words would provide more foreshadowing in Otalia’s temporary direction. I would find out later if I was right or wrong.

While Natalia was dealing with Marina’s verbal tirade, Olivia was preparing for the Independence Day celebrations. She also had the misfortune of running into Father Ray. When I watched this scene for the first time, it was my turn to brace myself mentally for this conversation. I “expected the worst but hoped for the best” when Olivia and Father Ray started discussing Natalia. Olivia thanked Father Ray for supporting her relationship with Natalia. As I expected, he told Olivia that he didn’t support them. I then watched the smile drain from Olivia’s face during this exchange:

Father Ray: “I understand things are difficult for Natalia. I understand that both of you love each other. The circumstances shouldn’t justify your actions. That would be a mistake for both of you, for all the people in your lives.”

When I analyzed what Father Ray was saying, I caught the underlying message here. I think when he indicated that he understood Olivia and Natalia loved each other, he didn’t see it as romantic love. When he said “the circumstances shouldn’t justify your actions,” Father Ray was referring to several things:

• Olivia having Gus’ heart, which he thinks would draw Natalia to Olivia
• Olivia being a good friend to Natalia when Rafe went to prison and helping Rafe get moved to a better prison
• Natalia being a good friend to Olivia by helping her while she had complications with her heart
• Natalia functioning as a second mother to Emma while Olivia recovered from heart surgeries

I think Father Ray feels these are some of the main reasons why Olivia and Natalia love each other but only as friends. I agree these are reasons why they love each other as friends, but there are definitely many more reasons why they love each other in a romantic way. However, Father Ray doesn’t see this. I think he believes they are confusing their love as friends with romantic love based on the circumstances they have gone through. As a result, Father Ray seems to think that because they are “confused,” then they are unintentionally hurting the ones they love.

Father Ray: “I don’t wanna make decisions for Natalia. She’s gotta make her own choices in life as you do…but both of you have had a lot going on. There’s been a lot of turmoil in your life since you both got together. And when you’re in the middle of something like that…I just don’t think you could make clear choices. I’m sorry.”

I agree that Olivia and Natalia have gone through a lot together. I agree they experienced plenty of turmoil before they were a couple. I disagree that there has been a lot of turmoil since they became a couple. Theoretically, Olivia and Natalia did not become a couple until the May 11, 2009 episode. Frank was already clued into their romantic feelings before they became a couple. Rafe’s adjustment and subsequent discovery of their relationship is the only true external turmoil they’ve had. If there has been other turmoil since they became a couple, it has been internal to Olivia and Natalia. Their turmoil, of course, has been:

• Figuring out how to be together and how to act with each other
• Learning how manage their professional lives vs. their personal lives at The Beacon
• Determining how and when to come out to Rafe and Emma
• Controlling their desire to be affectionate until Rafe and Emma (at the time) knew about their romantic relationship

On the other hand, I do agree with Father Ray that in the midst of turmoil, clear choices cannot often be made. Natalia has been worrying about Rafe since he came home from prison. He was not adjusting well. He was struggling finding a job, and he was not always relating well to friends and family. His life had little time to stay on level ground after landing a job. Just when she felt she could worry a bit less, her concern deepened to a completely new level since he learned about Olivia. As I wrote previously, Natalia has been playing an imaginary battle of tug of war between Rafe and Olivia. Rafe yanked that rope this week and won in Natalia’s mind. Right now, resolving things with Rafe is her number one priority, as it should be. Natalia is so worried about the situation with Rafe that she isn’t in the right mindset to make clear choices. I think Olivia realized the truth of Father Ray’s words based on her facial expression.

After wishing Father Ray a Happy 4^th of July, Olivia made her way to Company for coffee. I guess Marina felt that her “advice” to Natalia needed reinforcing, which is why she spoke with Olivia.

Marina: “It’s like she reacts to whatever is in front of her, you know. For example, my dad says, ‘marry me,’ and she says ‘yes.’ Why? Because it’s there.”

To outsiders, Natalia’s reactions could look like she’s reacting to what’s in front of her. Of course, Olivia knows that’s not true (as do I). Believe me, if Natalia reacted to what was in front of her, she and Olivia would have taken more than a few tumbles in one of the farmhouse beds months ago.

Olivia: “She’s a good person, and she knows what she wants.” Marina: “Well you wouldn’t know that to be around her. And my dad can’t just keep getting pulled into her life because she can’t stand on her own two feet.”

As I just indicated, Olivia knows that Natalia is not reckless and reacts to anything in front of her. Natalia is very aware of what she wants, and what she wants is Olivia, Emma, and Rafe as a true family. Natalia definitely has the strength to stand on her own feet. She did it as a single parent for years before moving to Springfield. If Natalia lacked the capability to stand alone, she would have remarried long ago. As for Frank still being pulled into her life, he signed up for everything he’s getting. Natalia has asked Frank for help whenever Rafe pulls one of his disappearing acts. It makes sense that she would seek him out because he is Rafe’s mentor. Logically, Rafe could end up communicating with or visiting Frank whenever he decides to wander off the reservation. Otherwise, Natalia is not pulling Frank into her life.

Olivia: “What is it you want me to do?” Marina: “I don’t know…talk to her. Tell her that she needs to take control of her own life.”

I could see the thoughtful look on Olivia’s face. When I watched these scenes and the ones with Father Ray for the first time, I knew that those conversations made an impression on Olivia. I also knew that these conversations provided another strong indicator on the discussion Olivia and Natalia would have once they met again.

When Olivia returned to her office, she found Natalia waiting for her. As they discussed if any progress had been made with Rafe, Natalia told Olivia she was unsure he would come around. Based on Olivia’s facial expression, I felt a hint of the “fear monster” was creeping up inside her again. I felt like Olivia had a pit in the bottom of her stomach when Natalia asked her to sit down. Rather than choosing the vacant office chair next to Natalia, Olivia chose to sit behind her office chair. I found myself chuckling when Natalia gave a slight chuckle and asked Olivia to sit closer. This was the first lighthearted moment I had during the Otalia week, and while it was minor, it was better than nothing. I managed to smile and laugh, so I was happy for that brief moment.

After Olivia was re-seated, Natalia managed to bring up some things in her conversations with Marina and Frank. She talked about how things would look between them to outsiders, which confirmed some of the foreshadowing I picked up the dialog (with Marina and Frank). Oddly enough, Natalia also seemed to channel the dialog that Olivia had with Father Ray and Marina as well. The writer in me lit up right at the beginning of Natalia’s dialog to Olivia. When I watched these scenes for the first time, I noticed that Guiding Light’s writers were dropping foreshadowing breadcrumbs throughout the June 18 episode. It was extremely pleasant to see the writers retrace their steps through those breadcrumbs, which eventually led to the discussion Olivia and Natalia had at The Beacon. As Natalia went over the timeline of their relationship, I watched Olivia’s face fall as the pieces fell into place. She was remembering her conversations with Father Ray and Marina, and she was going to heed some of the things they said to her. As a result, I was not surprised when Olivia stopped Natalia and told her she agreed. I think Natalia expected Olivia to “hold on tight,” but she “let go” this time, which explained her slight surprise.

Olivia: “I love you. And I know how I feel…”

In last week’s post, I explained how Olivia and Natalia communicate “I love you” to each other. I expressed the desire to hear Olivia say it a bit more, and she granted my wish this week. Like Natalia, I know how Olivia feels, but it was so nice to hear it.

Olivia: “I want everyone to know that even if we’re separate…without the drama, I choose you.” Natalia: “I choose you, too.” Olivia: “So this means we take a step back…”

There were good things and bad things mixed in this dialog but nothing that worried me enough to push me on the ledge. The good involved Olivia and Natalia choosing each other no matter what. These particular lines were my favorite in this week’s episode. Their words gave me comfort in knowing that whatever happened would not break them up permanently.

The bad involved the build up to a temporary break between Olivia and Natalia. In real life, the writers had to develop a way to write Jessica Leccia (Natalia) off the show for her one-month maternity leave. Olivia and Natalia’s discussion about being separate and taking a step back is a part of that. Natalia quitting her job was a second step towards the temporary break.

As Olivia helped Natalia prepare her resignation and recommendation letters, I knew their step back wasn’t as far back as I feared. The smiles and affectionate looks they gave each other gave me temporary peace. I realize that there is something larger in store to remove Natalia out of Olivia’s life, but I was just soaking in the moment just like they were.

Later at Towers, I found myself smiling when Olivia walked over to Frank and Marina’s table and delivered these lines:

Olivia: “I wanted to say that I’m sorry…I can’t take your advice you gave me earlier about Natalia…the one who can’t control her own situations. Because she came into my office today and she handed me her letter of resignation.”

I thought this tactic was downright brilliant of Olivia. While it was Natalia’s decision to resign, I felt Olivia was part of the plot to help resolve people’s image of Natalia. Additionally, I enjoyed how Olivia rendered Frank and Marina speechless towards the end of their exchange. After watching Frank and Marina take turns making Natalia feel worse, I was satisfied Olivia managed to shut them up.

The depressing Otalia week would end with the June 19 episode. The episode started with Olivia and Emma (aka Jellybean) doing a bit of plotting and planning of their own for Rafe’s birthday. As Olivia dropped Emma off for summer camp, they discussed buying him a video game, which is one of Emma and Rafe’s favorite pastimes. I smiled during these particular scenes. After the heavy angst during the Otalia week, I needed some Jellybean on my screen. When Olivia and Emma interact, they often provide fun and smile inducing scenes. I wasn’t disappointed with these particular set of scenes. After tentatively agreeing on the video game to buy Rafe, Olivia explained why there might not be a birthday party. Of course, she explained it by saying “big boys don’t really always want parties.” This is true, but the real reason why there probably wouldn’t be a party is because Rafe is still upset at Natalia. Naturally, Olivia didn’t want to give any indication that there is strife. However, she prepared Emma for the possibility that there wouldn’t be a party and asked that they be extra nice to Rafe. When I heard these words, I wished someone would ask Rafe to be extra nice. I understand he’s upset, but I agreed with Natalia at the end of the June 18 episode. She’s still his mother, and he should show her some respect.

While Olivia was saying goodbye to Emma, Natalia was at the grocery store buying ingredients to bake a birthday cake for Rafe. After accidentally dropping an egg, one of Springfield’s most eligible bachelors, Matt, made his way over to Natalia. I smirked when Matt asked to buy a cup of coffee because I knew what he was up to. Although I didn’t write about it, Matt tried to put the moves on Olivia the week of June 15. Now he was sniffing around Natalia. The poor guy is just clueless that they just aren’t interested in him. As far as he’s aware, they’re single and available, so I can’t knock him for trying. Even though Natalia agreed to Matt’s offer of coffee, he wasn’t about to get any of her sugar.

As Matt walked with Natalia, I realized I was watching something very familiar. He had the same scene with Olivia on the June 12 episode. Guiding Light flipped this scene by putting Natalia in Olivia’s shoes, which I actually found entertaining. When Matt mentioned that his bike “got him around,” I smiled again, especially when Olivia showed up and said, “I’m sure it does.” I knew then that Olivia was aware of Matt’s tricks on Natalia. I watched how Olivia studied Matt before she glanced at Natalia. Olivia then repeated that action again before settling her green gaze on Matt. I detected a bit of jealousy coming from Olivia from the sly look she directed at Matt. My suspicions were confirmed when Olivia told him she would take Natalia’s grocery bag. Her slick “you have fun” response was another one of those indicators. Olivia was definitely jealous, and when she asked Natalia if he was hitting on her, I grinned. Since I have been watching Olivia and Natalia, I have never had any indications of jealousy coming from either one of them. Even when Natalia dated and was engaged to Frank, I never felt Olivia was jealous. Sure, she was envious and in pain but never jealous. Watching Olivia experience jealousy with Natalia for the first time was amusing. It showed another growth point in their relationship, even if they have taken a step back.

When their conversation switched from Matt’s pickup attempts to Rafe’s birthday, the mood definitely changed. Even without Rafe’s actual involvement in this scene, he was able to generate a partial “Frankenclipse.” I watched Natalia’s spirits dampen when she said she didn’t think Rafe would drop by to celebrate his birthday. Olivia noticed that the brief spark of sunshine in Natalia had darkened when discussing Rafe, and she asked Natalia if she would be okay. When Natalia answered with a sad yet unsure nod, I noticed Olivia’s concerned expression as she gazed at Natalia. She was definitely aware that Rafe’s distance from Natalia was having an impact. Olivia was also aware that Rafe’s birthday was bringing Natalia down when it should have been a happy time. It’s why she asked Natalia to “say yes” to her question than just giving her an unsure nod. Even though Natalia managed to smile before saying goodbye, it didn’t fool Olivia. As she let out a long sigh, I felt Olivia could have used an impromptu martini break.

Later at the farmhouse, Natalia was alone and finishing her work on Rafe’s birthday cake. Even though Rafe was definitely not on my favorite person’s list this week, I was glad he showed up to see Natalia. Frank – another person not on my favorite person’s list – managed to make Rafe see that birthdays are about the parents, too. I admit I was grateful to Frank for imparting that bit of advice, and I was glad Rafe listened. When Natalia looked at Rafe, I think she was measuring his demeanor to determine if he might bring more “Rafertude.” When he smiled, Natalia smiled, and I felt she was glad he wasn’t going to be difficult…at least for this special moment. Rafe sat down to join her in icing his cake, and I felt a bit happier for Natalia because his gesture made her day better. Like Olivia, I don’t like to see Natalia sad, and Rafe’s small step forward made a difference to Natalia.

As Rafe and Natalia talked, their discussion drifted to the rift between them. They were able to have a civilized, calm conversation about her love for Olivia and their religious beliefs. Their talk was not in-depth, but at least Rafe was able to get through the discussion without getting upset. His mood was down, yet he appeared to be getting over his shock and anger bit by bit. Natalia told him she would like to explain where she stood on loving Olivia vs. her religious believes, but she didn’t push him. It was Rafe’s birthday, and she was just happy to share it with him. I suspected Rafe showing up to celebrate his birthday meant a lot to Natalia, and these words confirmed what I believed:

Natalia: “Cause you’re not just my son. You’ve been my best friend for half my life…and I miss you.”

These lines were the most touching in these scenes. Natalia spoke them in a soft, gentle, and slightly heart aching way. Her sincere yet sad facial expression was the perfect compliment. Those words and that look obviously affected Rafe because he confirmed he missed her too before giving Natalia the hug she sorely needed. Unfortunately, the temporary truce between Natalia and Rafe ended as soon as she suggested they have dinner with Olivia. Rafe cut things short and left the farmhouse, leaving Natalia all alone again.

On the other side of Springfield, Olivia and Frank had an accidental run in while looking for a birthday card for Rafe. I found it interesting that they both reached for the same type of birthday card at the same time. To me, it was a symbolic indicator of these things:

• They both have great taste in the same woman – Natalia, of course.
• They both equally care about Rafe and his well being.
• They both could be key factors in Rafe’s life once Natalia is out of the picture (due to Jessica Leccia’s one-month maternity leave).
• They might actually become friends again; Frank isn’t so rude and mean to Olivia anymore.

I also found it surprising that Frank actually said hello to Olivia, and she was just as surprised as I was. After a brief discussion where Frank avoiding looking at her, they reached for the same birthday card at the same time yet again. They then both suggested the other buy the card and said so at the same time. Frank glanced at Olivia for the first time before looking away, and she glanced at him right afterwards before looking away. I smiled at this scene because I had one of those light bulb moments that I never saw until this episode. In some regards, Olivia and Frank think similarly and convey things that Natalia loves. Here are some of those similar qualities between Olivia and Frank:

1. Olivia vs. Frank’s Loving Qualities

They both do anything for Natalia, no questions asked. Even though Frank is hurt and still upset with Natalia right now, he is helping her by taking in Rafe and keeping an eye on him. Of course, Olivia has done numerous things to help Natalia – getting her money back from the hedge fund disaster, moving into the farmhouse to help Natalia pay the mortgage, and offering Rafe a job.

2. Olivia vs. Frank’s Loving Qualities

They both defend Natalia against anyone who tries to hurt her. Frank went after Doris and ended up fighting with her bodyguards when he thought she was defaming Natalia’s character. Olivia went after Doris when she thought Doris was using the “My Two Mommies” presentation to hurt Natalia.

3. Olivia vs. Frank’s Loving Qualities

They both are good people. Natalia (and Olivia) often referred to Frank as a “good man.” Even though she didn’t say that about Olivia until recently, Natalia knew that Olivia was a good person, too. Again, Olivia expressed her goodness in actions, not words, and Natalia knew that.

4. Olivia vs. Frank’s Loving Qualities

They both look out for Natalia’s best interests. Even Father Ray pointed that out in the April 14, 2009 episode when Frank and Natalia went through pre-marital counseling.

There are other similar qualities, but some of these things explain why Natalia loved Olivia and Frank. Of course, the difference is that she was in love with Olivia, and she loved Frank simply as a friend. In a strange way, Olivia and Frank are two opposite heads on the same coin in the similar qualities they share. Oddly enough, Natalia kept flipping that coin in the air, and it kept landing on Olivia’s side.

Frank offered Olivia some advice on a birthday gift – by giving Natalia and Rafe time and space. I sighed at this because this was Olivia’s intention on the June 2, 2009 episode. Granted, the “I can’t stay away from the force of your gravitational pull” effect got the better of Olivia, but she has been trying.

Later, Olivia picked up Emma from summer camp and headed to the farmhouse. They found Natalia sitting alone and filled with melancholy in the kitchen. I felt Olivia was taking a bit of Frank’s advice (as well as her own) when she wanted to drop the gift off and leave. However, she also started to pick up the gloomy vibes Natalia was expressing. I could see the concern again in Olivia’s face as she studied Natalia. I felt that Olivia was torn between giving Natalia space and staying to offer her support. It’s why she asked Natalia what she wanted her and Emma to do. Natalia managed to perk up a bit when she asked them to stay and enjoy the food she’d prepared.

I managed to crack a huge, unexpected smile during the next scenes. Olivia and Natalia were standing over the kitchen sink with their backs to Emma, and Emma was trying to sneak some cake. I found myself laughing when Olivia stopped her without turning around. Emma asked how Olivia knew what she was up to, and Olivia told her she has eyes in the back of her head. This was such a classic mother and child interaction that was so realistic. I had similar experiences with my mother and my maternal grandmother when I was a little kid. It was a nice throwback to my own childhood, and it definitely made me laugh. I appreciated the Guiding Light for adding a simple, short yet meaningful scene in the midst of the sadness. I had a lighthearted moment to lift me up (temporarily) in the midst of the heavy Otalia angst and I enjoyed it.

I had a feeling Emma and Olivia’s interaction lifted Natalia’s spirits. She went along with Emma’s suggestion to add candles on Rafe’s cake. As all three of them sat at the table, I felt happiness and sadness at the same time. I was happy that Natalia, Olivia, and Emma were smiling as they added the candles. I was sad because I wish Rafe had been there to share the moment with them. He is truly missing out on a beautiful family experience, but I understand Rafe’s need for space.

Even though Rafe managed to annoy me in the June 15 episode, I ended up feeling sorry for him by the end of the June 19 episode. As he walked the baseball field and sunk down to the ground, I could feel his loneliness. He was clearly missing being with Natalia to celebrate his birthday, but stubbornness, confusion, and pain was keeping him from going home. Rafe needed and wanted space, and he definitely had plenty of it. I am sure his time alone will give him a bit more clarity. I hope he can soon talk to Natalia and see where she stands on Olivia vs. her religious beliefs. Even though Father Ray didn’t understand, I have faith that Rafe will see why Natalia is “testing all things and holding fast to that which is good” in Olivia Spencer.

I have to acknowledge the wonderful performances in this week’s Guiding Light episodes. One of my favorite scenes involved Crystal Chappell (Olivia) and Frank Dicopoulos (Frank Cooper) when they were trying pick out the birthday card on the June 19 episode. The other involved E.J. Bonilla (Rafe) and Jessica Leccia (Natalia) on the June 15 episode. As painful as it was to my “big purple heart,” I loved everything about the scenes where the Rafe was trying to convince Natalia that her feelings for Olivia weren’t real. I am not that familiar with E.J. Bonilla’s work on Guiding Light, and what I’ve seen has been restricted to fall 2008 up to June 19, 2009. I can say that beyond any doubt, his scenes with Jessica Leccia on the June 15 episode were fantastic. Bonilla and Leccia brought out something magical in each other for this episode, and I was blown away by it. I just truly appreciated and loved both of their performances. Those particular scenes made me sad and frustrated that Guiding Light is canceled. I am watching the actors give their all every week, and I wish another network would open their eyes to this amazing show. It’s a treasure.

I would love to take a moment and shower Jessica Leccia with “happy fun times cookie kudos” after this week’s episodes. Watching her is truly an engaging experience that just thrills me. She just continues to impress me with her portrayal of Natalia. Not only am I watching Natalia Rivera grow, but I’m also watching Jessica grow as an actress. I love to watch actors/actresses blossom, and I clearly see that in her performances every week. It’s just astounding. As usual, Jessica continues to kill me “DED” with the facial expressions she conveys. However, I’m also paying closer attention to and enjoying how she expresses emotions in the tone of voice. There is a reason why Jessica Leccia is on my favorite daytime actress list, and this week in particular reminded me why. Once again, I would like to thank Jessica for giving me the definition of beauty with her acting.

To the Guiding Light, I would like to say that as every day draws closer to September 18, 2009, I grow more saddened. I see the hard work the cast, the crew, the writers, and everyone involved in this show is doing. I see a show that is artful and amazing. I see a show that I love so much that it’s become heartbreaking to watch the past two weeks. I have been upset over the cancellation of other shows I watched. However, Guiding Light’s cancellation hits close to my heart unlike any other show. It almost feels like I’m watching a family member slowly die and I can do nothing to stop it (even though I’m still trying). The networks really need to open their eyes and see what I and millions of other fans can see. Guiding Light is TV’s oldest running program, yet it’s actually more progressive than newer programs. How can you let an institution like Guiding Light die? To the networks out there, open your eyes and behold the beautiful light that shines from the Guiding Light. Give this show a chance.

Special Announcements

I normally complete my Otalia posts on Saturdays, but last week and this week, I didn’t post them to my web site until Sunday. If you’ve been reading my Otalia posts since April 20, 2009, I’m sure you have noticed that they grow longer in length. I continue to stretch myself writing about Otalia, and I am always experimenting in how I write about them each week.

As I’m sure you see every week, I love to tie in current week’s footage with past footage. As a result, I have to go back and analyze the past footage as well. While many of the past Otalia scenes I discuss are imprinted in my head, I go back to watch them again. I verify I have the month and date correct in my posts. This task is taking more and more time to do each week, which explains why my publishing deadline is slipping. Therefore, I wanted to let you know there is a good possibility I will not finish my Otalia posts until Sunday some weeks. I will continue to aim for Saturdays, but it might not be possible at this point. The Otalia scenes are extremely layered, and I honestly can go off into another direction for pages (and pages) if I didn’t stop myself. Plus, I have to get some sort of sleep. I think I’ve slept maybe eight hours from Friday-Sunday. I like to write these posts in one straight, all night writing sessions. However, due to growing page length and the amount of footage I’m analyzing now, I might have to adjust my Otalia writing method. I just wanted to let you know that if you come to my site and don’t see the Otalia post, it’s not because I’ve given up. It’s because I’m still working on it. The best way to track my progress is through my Twitter profile. You can follow me (if you want to) via my Twitter alias, The Hive Mind: http://www.twitter.com/thehivemind.

By the way, I haven’t forgotten about the Otalia Jessica Leccia Edition post. I had to take last week off from writing it. I will provide an update on its status this upcoming week.

Note: If you comment and choose to leave a spoiler, please identify it in advance with the word “spoiler,” or even separate it out to alert me that a spoiler is coming. I read everyone’s comments, but if I see the word “spoiler,” I stop reading at that point. Again, I have my process to make the magic happen with these Otalia posts. Thanks everyone for your continued love and support!