Michael Joseph Jackson’s untimely death on June 25, 2009 shocked the world. The world’s greatest entertainer had died and far too soon at that. MJ still had work to complete. There was the long rumored new album to launch his “comeback,” which I was anticipating. There was the record-setting 50 sold out shows in London, which he was to perform at the O2 arena. MJ seemed to be laying the groundwork for re-entry into the public music scene again. No one was more excited by this than I was – a loyal fan who’d been following his career since the age of six.

As a child, I had two huge musical influences that played a huge role in my life – Prince & The Revolution and Michael Jackson. MJ’s music first connected with me as a child with his Motown 25 performance. I remember being bedazzled with his performance of “Billie Jean” and of course, the moonwalk. After that performance, I became a fan for life, and I always stayed loyal to him. My faith in MJ as a human being, entertainer, and musical genius never wavered. Where many doubted he could perform the 50 This Is It shows, I never did. After viewing the This Is It film on opening day, it only reaffirmed what I always believed – that MJ still had it.

Note: Some portions of this review contain excerpts from my Twitter film review of This Is It.

When the beginning credits for This Is It rolled, you could feel the reverence, respect, and calm in the crowd. Never felt anything like it.

I actually saw This Is It twice before writing my review. At both showings, I was very much aware that I was amongst MJ fans. For both showings, there was such a respectful tone in the audience, and I really could feel the love and yes, even somberness of the others in the theater. It was definitely an interesting in-theater experience, which I will describe in further detail later.

I could feel the emotion welling up in me within the first two minutes of This Is It. Then the music started, and I was smiling big time!

After the beginning credits rolled, I had a moment where I wondered if the film was going to be sad. The footage of MJ’s background dancers expressing their love and gratitude was touching. To say that the dancers were appreciative of being chosen was an understatement. It was a great way to open up the film, but it also made me a bit emotional. Fortunately, director Kenny Ortega brought the mood up very quickly by cutting to MJ’s “Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’.” Within the first few notes of the music, I was wearing a huge smile on my face and head bopping with many other fans in the theater.

This Is It gave me the urge to break out my MJ moves right there in the aisle. Seriously. I was definitely head boppin a lot during the film. For whatever reason, MJ’s music really connected with me in a different way when I watched This Is It. I was really into it.

I’m not one of those people who have the urge to dance when viewing dance/concert films; however, This Is It definitely tempted me to do just that. Obviously, I wasn’t the only one who had that same urge. I watched the audience at both screenings, and many were waving their hands to the music and just “feeling it” as much as I was. There were moments where I was expecting other fans to break out their MJ moves in the aisle as well.

Maybe it was the Dolby Surround Sound. Maybe it was the love amongst the audience for MJ. Or perhaps I just have to “blame it on the boogie,” but the music sounded extra good to me. MJ’s new touring band really had his songs nailed down, and I appreciated their attention to detail (guided by MJ of course). I personally wouldn’t have minded if Sony laced MJ’s recorded vocals on top of the touring band’s live performance of his songs. That would be an album worth adding to my collection for sure. The music sounded just that good to me.

For all of the performances, I was recalling all of the MJ choreography and doing it in my head right along with Michael and the dancers.

As a child, I took professional dance classes and thought I would grow up to become a dancer one day. Since I was a MJ fan, I studied his moves as a dancer and learned many of them – “Thriller,” “Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’,” “Billie Jean,” “The Way You Make Me Feel,” etc. Although I hadn’t done much of the choreography in a while, it’s not something I really forgot. I recognized the familiar steps when MJ preformed his signature songs, and I was right there with him (in my head) doing the choreography.

While I watched MJ with his dancers, I noticed he wasn’t extending himself at rehearsals at times; nevertheless, he still had the smooth moves. When he was going full throttle on the dancing, MJ was keeping up with his 20-year-old background dancers with ease. I can only hope I’ll be able to move like that when I turn 50.

As I watched This Is It, I studied MJ. He was a bit smaller than normal, but this man was healthy and vibrant. He still had it!

I couldn’t help but watch for signs that would indicate if something wrong with MJ while he performed. I saw nothing wrong with him, other than him being smaller than I remembered. Everything I saw in the rehearsal footage leads me to believe MJ could have indeed pulled off all 50 concerts without any problems. Of course, I never doubted that he could.

If you didn’t know before, This Is It showed you that MJ was a musical genius! This man’s musicology was amazing. Mad respect for that.

Some scenes I really enjoyed watching involved MJ’s interactions with his touring band. Unsurprisingly, MJ was very involved in how his music sounded and how it would be presented to his fans. As his music director Michael Bearden said, MJ knew his music better than anyone did. That was evident when MJ was working with Bearden on the presentation of the music and challenging lead guitarist, Orianthi Panagaris, to hit certain high notes on her guitar that he sang. MJ would relay exactly how he wanted the music to sound. Not only that, but MJ said something in This Is It that should be the golden standard of all bands and touring bands. MJ informed Bearden during a rehearsal that he wanted his music to sound like how he recorded it. When I heard that, I said, “Thank you!” aloud. MJ wanted his fans to hear his music like the records, and I have a deep appreciation for him caring that we did hear it that way. Other touring bands have played songs for the artist they backed, and I sometimes had no clue what the song was until the artist starting singing it. In other instances, some touring bands were close to how the music sounded but not like the artist’s records. MJ was indeed a perfectionist who cared about the tiniest attention to detail in the music. He wanted it right, not just for himself but also for the fans.

Additionally, I noted there were times when the music just oozed through his soul. It was during those moments when MJ couldn’t help but break out into dance moves when guiding his music director on finely tuned touches he wanted in the music. This man felt his music within every fiber of his being. You could just see it when you watched him. MJ wasn’t shy about expressing how much his music ran through his blood. The spontaneous singing and dancing during the rehearsals clearly showed the love he had for his music. As a fan, I found that extremely enjoyable to experience.

I will note one standout in This Is It and that’s MJ’s female guitarist: Orianthi Panagaris. She was fire! Just as awesome as Jennifer Batten.

Shortly after MJ passed away, I caught a short clip of him performing next to a blonde female guitarist. For a second, I thought MJ had brought back Jennifer Batten, his former lead guitarist for the Bad, Dangerous, and HIStory tours. However, I later learned that it wasn’t Batten but a new face named Orianthi Panagaris. Before the film premiered, I had done a bit of research on Orianthi. I knew she’d played for Carrie Underwood at the 51^st annual Grammy Awards. I also had heard a bit of her guitar playing, and I was quite impressed. Still, I mostly stayed away from too many clips of Orianthi’s guitar playing because I wanted to hear her shine in This Is It. And my goodness, shine, did she ever! I knew that like Batten before her, Orianthi played the “Beat It” solo when auditioning for MJ’s touring band. The “Beat It” solo was one moment that I was looking forward to since I know exactly how it’s supposed to sound. When Orianthi started playing the “Beat It” solo, I couldn’t help but be wowed. When she was done playing, I glanced at my youngest brother (who saw the film with me), and he was wearing that same expression of astonishment. She was just as amazing of a guitar player as Batten – both whom is head and shoulders above many of their male counterparts. From that moment forward in This Is It, I kept my eye on Orianthi, even drifting away from MJ at times to study her. She had this cool, funky swagger as a player that I just enjoyed watching, especially during “Black or White.” Similar to my admiration of Batten, I became a fan of Orianthi’s very impressive guitar work.

As for MJ himself, you saw a different side of the icon that you’ve never seen before. He was funny, charming, humble, and into the music.

Over the years, I’d heard MJ’s former backup dancers, background singers, and touring band express their sentiments about the icon. To them, he wasn’t just an icon; MJ was very much a human being. When I watched This Is It, I saw exactly what the people who worked with him saw. The “icon barrier” was down while MJ was rehearsing, and I truly got a peek into the beautiful soul this man had. MJ was patient with his touring band when they made mistakes, and he often ended his “constructive criticism” (more like a gentle please fix this) with a “God bless you” or “that’s with L.O.V.E.” I was touched hearing him say that, so I can only imagine how his touring band felt when he punctuated his “constructive criticism” with loving words at the end.

When he wasn’t being humble and caring towards his band and crew, MJ was quite the charmer and often humorous. I watched him during a couple of songs – “I Just Can’t Stop Loving You” and “The Way You Make Me Feel” – and he was being quite charming towards his female leads. It was there in the way he smiled, moved, and interacted with them on stage. Additionally, I noticed something else during these interactions with his female leads. There have been longstanding rumors that MJ wasn’t really into women (never believed that) and was even perhaps asexual (ridiculous). When I watched MJ and his female leads, I felt he was being a bit flirty (in addition to humorous and charming) when they were rehearsing. Of course, I’ve seen MJ interact with female leads dozens of times in videos and concert footage; however, this was different. I felt like MJ was being his true, everyday self during the This Is It rehearsals. He definitely wasn’t wearing that “King of Pop” persona that he presented to the public. He was just being a flirtatious, charming, and humorous man with his female leads. He also expressed that sense of humor and charm with the band and crew. I found that most interesting to see because it definitely gave me a glimpse into the man, not the musical legend.

This Is It is rehearsals. Anyone who has ever been a musician (me) and dancer (me, too), then you know it’s not polished like a full show. Nevertheless, This Is It gave you an awesome look behind the magic of MJ’s show. It is one of the best concert films I’ve ever seen.

I knew what to expect when I watched This Is It – rehearsals. I knew that I wasn’t going to see MJ at full throttle the entire time. From what I understand, he was told to conserve his voice (something he stated in the film), so there were moments where he didn’t sing during songs. There were also times where he wasn’t dancing during songs, but I knew he would have been had it been the actual concert. Still, I knew these are the kind of things that occur in rehearsals. I felt This Is It was an honest look at how rehearsals run prior to the actual concert. This Is It is not something similar to the Live Concert in Bucharest: The Dangerous Tour concert film. As a result, viewers should have the expectation that rehearsals and concerts are different entities.

I have seen several concert films throughout the years. This Is It achieves a standard that other concert films should aim towards in the future. Director Kenny Ortega did an outstanding job editing the footage together to create This Is It. Ortega gave me a glimpse of sound checks, a behind the scenes look at the visual effects/footage for the concert, and interviews with many personalities who were a part of This Is It. Other than one brief clip of “MJ mania” at the beginning, Ortega kept the film very intimate.

The visuals for MJ’s This Is It concert series were stunning. He was going to put on a bloody fantastic show. You could see it.

MJ and Ortega crafted some pretty remarkable ideas and visuals for the This Is It concert series. They were really pushing the boundaries in terms of spectacle. There really was a Hollywood production touch to the new footage shot for “Thriller,” “Smooth Criminal,” and other songs. It was going to be an astonishing experience for fans that would have been fortunate to see it. It would have been well worth the money to see these MJ shows.

This Is It did put me on an emotional roller coaster. I felt joy, sadness, anger (at an irresponsible doctor), and humor.

I was a bit worried how This Is It would make me feel when I watched it. I didn’t want to be sad when I saw him, and I was concerned I would be. I have stayed away from a lot of MJ footage since he died, which includes the memorial that I can’t bear to watch. Many of MJ’s videos, interviews, and concert footage was entirely too painful to watch early on, and it still brings a touch of pain to my heart when I see footage now. Fortunately, I didn’t have that many moments of sadness during This Is It. While I did swing like a pendulum between certain emotions, I would have to say I felt joy and humor the most. I also would experience a touch of anger at the doctor who is allegedly responsible for MJ’s death. When I watched MJ in This Is It, he was so alive and vibrant, and it made me angry that the incandescent fire in the physical form of MJ is dead. His death still makes no sense to me, and after watching This Is It, I really felt that he was gone far too soon. As I stated previously, MJ still had work to complete.

I have to say I held up well until “Man in the Mirror” in This Is It. I have not been able to listen to that song since MJ died. When MJ performed “Man in the Mirror” in This Is It, I was crying. For me, MJ was one of two of the most important music icons to me.

MJ’s performance of “Man in the Mirror” was the one truly saddening moment for me during This Is It. I knew the song was going to be in the film, and I thought I would be prepared for it. I thought I would be able to get through it without crying but I couldn’t. When I watched him perform “Man in the Mirror” and sing it with passion, it just got to me emotionally. The tears flowed silently the both times I saw This Is It during “Man in the Mirror.” I had that gut clenching moment where I knew there was never going to be another human being like MJ. I knew there was no one who was going to touch the legacy of artistry, music, and creative genius that MJ left behind.

After This Is It ended, the audience clapped, and no one moved during the credits. People stayed to finish watching more footage. Awesome.

I have been to the theater often enough to know that the majority of people leave as soon as the credits roll. No one did during the two times I saw This Is It in theaters. Once again, I knew I was amongst fans, and like me, they wanted to see every drop of MJ footage. Watching This Is It with other fans was truly an amazing experience for me. It is the best in-theater experience I’ve ever had…hands down. If you have the opportunity to see This Is It in theaters and you’re a fan, please do so. For me, there was no other film experience like it.

If you are a MJ fan, I highly recommend you see This Is It. I’m seeing it at least twice more. I want more. It’s an A+!

To add onto this, I just want to say that This Is It is definitely one of my favorite films of 2009. I’m aware that Sony will submit it for Academy Awards consideration. I think it should be an Academy Award nominee, and I’m not just saying that simply because I’m a major MJ fan. The film was well crafted in its entirety. Director Kenny Ortega put his heart and soul into constructing this film. Not only did he give the fans a wonderful experience, but I also believe he gave non-fans an appreciation for MJ’s humanity and showmanship. It really was a beautiful work of art, and I applaud Ortega’s efforts in giving the fans something wonderful to remember MJ by – a performer, artist, and genius…a human being.

That Was Then. This Is Now.

As a movie watcher, films that appeal to me have dramatically evolved in recent years. There was a time when you couldn’t have paid me to sit down and watch most Oscar-type films. As for independent films, I pretty much stayed away from them. My filmmaker brother would have to twist my arm to get me to watch an independent film in the old days. I was all about the big budget, summer blockbuster films for the most part. While my film tastes had already started transitioning from so many blockbusters, I would say Spider-Man 2 was a pivotal shift in my film viewing experiences.

Spider-Man 2 was a blockbuster film, but it was something different. It actually had a good story and good acting, which was far more interesting to me than the action and special effects. From Spider-Man 2 onward, I started measuring other blockbusters against it. If Spider-Man 2 could deliver an action film that was Oscar-worthy (in my opinion and other film critics), then others could do the same. Is it unfair to hold other blockbusters up to the greatness of Spider-Man 2? Yes, it is. Nevertheless, I started to expect more from blockbusters. When I didn’t get what I wanted, I started viewing fewer blockbusters and checked out the independent/Oscar-type films.

You’re too Predictable.

Over the years, I have become a film fanatic…so much so that my filmmaker brother told me I should have went to film school. When I watch a movie now, it is really hard for me to turn the analytical side of my brain off and just enjoy it. Part of that has to do with the fact that I am a writer. My mind is geared towards plots, as I have to construct them for my own work. As a result, I am plotting ahead of the film to figure out the plot on a subconscious level. Unfortunately, it can ruin the movie experience for me because I often figure out the twist and/or “see” what’s coming next. Of course, my ability to see what’s coming in a movie can be attributed to a bad script and/or directing. Additionally, imaginative scripts are hard to come by in mainstream Hollywood these days. It is rare for me to watch a film these days and not figure out what is coming. When a film manages to genuinely surprise me and keep me in the dark (regarding the plot), that’s a huge plus. Unfortunately, my ability to predict the film’s plot occurs more often than not. The same holds true for movie trailers when I watch them.

Oh Trailers! How I (Mostly) Dislike Thee!

I have a love/hate relationship with movie trailers. Trailers often give away the end of the movie, which annoys me and lessens my enthusiasm (if I want to see the film). I don’t mind watching teaser trailers, but full-length trailers often show more than my liking. Additionally, trailers can be bad or plain misleading on what the film is about (i.e. Adventureland). Since I don’t watch commercials at home, I avoid seeing movie trailers altogether on TV. Yes, I watch some full-length trailers online by choice but not as many as people might think. I have some criteria for determining which full-length trailers I will and will not watch to keep my movie experience “clean.” Unfortunately, my right to avoid trailers is not that simple when I go to the theater. Therefore, I developed a habit of looking down or away when trailers air before a film. I don’t do this for every single screening; however, I do it often enough, especially if I know a trailer for a film I want to see is airing. I plan to watch certain films, and I don’t want to have the experience tainted for me by watching the full-length trailer. I just don’t want to take a chance that the trailer is going to show me too much.

Expectations Are Eeeeevil!

I’m mentioning some of my movie quirks for a reason. I have learned that my expectations for a film often affect my viewing experience when I watch a film. I had expectations (high or low) because I saw the teaser or full-length trailer for films, I was interested in seeing. For example, I had high expectations for Terminator Salvation. With Terminator Salvation, I saw the teaser trailer and at least one version of the full-length trailer in theaters. Where I had excitement for Terminator Salvation, the full-length trailer had me very concerned. I lowered my expectations for Terminator Salvation, but I wanted to believe it wouldn’t be as bad as the negative buzz it generated. It’s a Terminator film – one of my favorite sci-fi movie franchises – so I expected it to be fair to good but not James Cameron great (The Terminator and Terminator 2: Judgment Day). Even with lowered expectations, I was severely disappointed by Terminator Salvation. I rated the movie an “F” via my film tweet review earlier this summer. My movie experience and the expectations I had with Terminator Salvation has been echoed in previous films I saw and ones afterwards. I try not to have expectations or to keep them lowered when watching a film; however, it is not always an easy task to accomplish. This is why I am trying out a new experiment – the “blind movie” experience.

What is a “Blind Movie?”

I think of a “blind movie” as a film that falls into these categories: 1) I haven’t seen the trailer for it and 2) I haven’t heard of it, or at the very least, I just know the title. In this instance, many “blind movies” would classify as independent films, but some mainstream films fit the “blind movie” criteria.

The idea of watching a “blind movie” is something my youngest brother thought of recently. He and I are similar in that we believe expectations can affect how good or bad a film is when watching it. Recently, we were discussing movie expectations, which is what prompted him to suggest watching a “blind movie” together. Initially, I wasn’t too crazy about the idea, but he convinced me to try it one weekend. We did exactly that approximately two weeks ago. Of course, we had to establish some criteria/rules for our “blind movie” experience before deciding on a film.

Rule #1

You couldn’t have seen the trailer for the film. If you saw the trailer, it’s an automatic disqualification.

Rule #2

You couldn’t read the description when selecting the film. Additionally, you couldn’t have read any reviews for the film or heard anything about it via film podcasts. However, at the very least, you can do some research to find out if it has subtitles. Subtitles are painful when I’m watching films since I spend more time reading than watching the film.

Rule #3

You cannot look up the film at RottenTomatoes.com to see how many fresh or rotten tomatoes it has. This means I can’t use my “Now Playing” app on my iPhone when selecting a “blind movie.”

Rule #4

If you have an idea what the film could be about based on the title, then you can’t watch it. It’s an automatic disqualification.

Rule #5

If the film has an interesting title that sticks out, add it as a potential “blind movie” experience when going through the selection process.

Rule #6

Once you have a list of potential “blind movie” films, 1) randomly pick out a film title, or 2) pick out the title that intrigues you the most.

When my youngest brother and I conducted our first “blind movie” experience, it was difficult to select something. We both pay attention to what’s going on in the film industry, and there were many films we had to discard. Nevertheless, we managed to go through our list of rules, and we selected Pandorum as our first “blind movie” experience in theaters.

If you follow me on Twitter, then you probably saw my Pandorum film tweet review. In a nutshell, Pandorum was far from original because it borrowed from several popular and not so popular sci-fi/horror films. Yes, I figured out the plot as the film went along; however, I wasn’t annoyed. Why? Because I had no expectations. Through my “blind movie” experiment, I learned that it truly is a freeing experience to have no expectations. I didn’t get mad because Pandorum was a C grade film. Actually, the fact that I enjoyed it better than Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and Terminator Salvation speaks volumes. Yes, my expectations for two of 2009’s big blockbusters affected my viewing experience. However, at least Pandorum was enjoyable whereas Terminator Salvation and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen were shiteous.

With a successful “blind movie” experience under my belt, I plan to make this experiment more regular. I really like the feeling of 1) not knowing what I’m seeing, 2) not knowing what the film is about, and especially 3) not having any expectations. I plan to aim for at least one “blind movie” theater experience per month.

A “blind movie” experience is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re gonna get. That aspect alone is what makes it fun and interesting.

Note: I will attempt to write a proper movie review about my “blind movie” experiences, but I can’t make any promises. I will try to work something out for my readers that are not on Twitter and post something here on my blog. At the least, you will be able to follow my “blind movie” exploits via Twitter. As usual, I will always post my tweet film reviews on Twitter right after the movie, which I now add as “Favorites” for easy access.

My maternal grandmother is the sole reason why I am a soap opera fan. When I was a child, my grandmother was my primary caretaker while my parents worked. I feel pretty confident that as a baby, my grandmother cradled me in her arms and had me watching “her stories” right along with her. As I grew up a bit and entered my pre-school years, I remember my grandmother bringing me home early. After fixing me something to eat, she would place my little mini rocking chair next to her own rocking chair. We would then watch the CBS soap operas together. Like many children who grew up with a soap opera watcher, I didn’t like to watch soaps. I would rather watch PBS programming (i.e. Mr. Rogers, Sesame Street, etc.) than the soaps. Granted, my grandmother would turn on the educational TV programs for me to watch, but she had to see her stories. As a result, I watched them right along with her. I have many vivid and fond memories of soap operas as a child. Many of those came from the Guiding Light.

My earliest memories of the Guiding Light came from the 1980s. At that time, I was old enough to understand the characters and stories being told. I started identifying who the families of Springfield were such as the Spauldings, the Bauers, the Raineses, the Lewises, and the Reardons. Naturally, I gravitated towards the characters I liked, and during the 1980s, I specifically loved watching the Four Musketeers – Phillip Spaulding, Rick Bauer, Mindy Lewis, and Beth Raines. The Four Musketeers were some of my favorites of the younger cast members, but I also liked Brandon “Lujack” Spaulding and later on, Alan-Michael Spaulding. Nevertheless, I primarily loved the older characters on the Guiding Light.

Several iconic Guiding Light characters made a huge impression on me as a child, and they include Alexandra Spaulding, Reva Shayne, Josh Lewis, and Vanessa Chamberlain.

Alexandra Spaulding

My favorite portrayal of Alexandra Spaulding is the one played by Beverlee McKinsey. She was the epitome of a cool as ice blonde in her portrayal of Alexandra. Everything about her gave me the impression that Alexandra was class, elegance, sophistication, and of course, a snob. As a child, I was aware that I should root for the good guy and boo the bad guy. However, I found myself rooting for Alexandra for the most part. She did some things that I didn’t like at times; yet, I couldn’t help but like Alexandra. I waited with anticipation for her to grace my TV screen. I loved watching Alexandra fight with Blake Thorpe and deliver cutting insults in a cool as a cucumber manner. Even though I was surprised to discover Lujack was Alexandra’s son, I enjoyed watching her win him over with the patience of Job. Later, I would be baffled to discover that Lujack had a twin – Nick McHenry – that Alexandra didn’t seem to remember bringing into this world (due to being drugged). I watched her snake her way into Nick’s life, and while she did some unforgivable things to Nick, I still had some sympathy for Alexandra. I grew alarmed for Alexandra when she was romantically involved with the evil Roger Thorpe, and I was relieved when she disentangled herself from his life. Unfortunately, she would still collaborate with the villainous Roger Thorpe at times to my utter dismay.

Beverlee McKinsey’s portrayal of the character was the sole reason why I loved Alexandra Spaulding. I consider Alexandra as the template of another iconic character on another soap opera – Stephanie Forrester on The Bold & the Beautiful. Whenever I watch Stephanie, I see shades of McKinsey’s Alexandra Spaulding in her epic battles with Brooke Logan Forrester. Believe me, McKinsey’s Alexandra is not a bad template to be modeled after by any means.

Reva Shayne

I associate two iconic things with Reva Shayne – her Tina Turner impression and the “slut of Springfield” declaration. As a child, one of the things that made me like Reva was her Tina Turner imitation and of course, the hair. I was a huge Tina Turner fan, and I immediately noticed the similar styling of Reva’s hair to Tina’s 1980s hair. Hey, I was pretty easy to satisfy as a child. Having Tina Turner’s hair and having her do a Tina imitation made Reva cool to me.

Nevertheless, the infamous “slut of Springfield” scene is the one thing that made me adore her. Of all of the Reva Shayne scenes I’ve seen over the years, nothing is more iconic than the “slut of Springfield” scene. I was a child, and I didn’t quite know what a slut was; however, I knew it sounded pretty bad. I just remember feeling pretty amazed that she stripped out of clothes, stepped into a fountain, and baptized herself the slut of Springfield. When I rewatch that memorable scene today, it was just as amazing as I remembered it.

Throughout the years, I followed Reva Shayne’s many exploits. I got angry when she had affairs with and/or married everyone except “her Joshua.” I felt happiness when she finally pulled it together and reconnected with Josh Lewis. Her zesty attitude made me smile and cheer her. At times, she even baffled me (i.e. when she was an Amish woman). Nevertheless, I always had love in my heart for Springfield’s number one vixen.

Josh Lewis

For me, there is no Reva Shayne without Josh Lewis. The two go hand in hand, and they are the epitome of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with the crusts cut off – heaven.

Just like Reva, my most memorable moments of Josh involved the “slut of Springfield” scene. Josh’s reactions to her teasing and taunts are just as powerful in that scene as Reva’s. He was a bitter and paralyzed man who was furious yet so deeply in love because he’d lost Reva – to his father. While I liked Josh well enough, it wasn’t until Reva showed up that his character really connected with me. Josh grew into a dashing hero and was someone I just rooted for.

Similar to Reva, I followed Josh through his many romantic relationships. I did like some romantic pairings outside of Reva, and as a kid, I felt a little guilty – like I was betraying my love of Josh and Reva. However, I always knew that Reva was “the one” for him. I never stopped liking Josh. I might not have liked some of the things he did, but he is one character that continued to bring me joy when watching.

Vanessa Chamberlain

If Reva Shayne was the “slut of Springfield,” then Vanessa Chamberlain was the lady to Reva’s tramp. Oh, Vanessa wasn’t a pure and perfect woman by any means. She did her share of man chasing but in a way that was different from the more flashy and flamboyant Reva Shayne. Vanessa managed to exhibit elegance and grace in the way she carried herself. I always felt like I was watching royalty whenever she was on my screen. Perhaps the fur coats, high heels, and fabulous jewelry had something to do with it as well.

While Vanessa was on my radar, I can’t say I was truly a big fan of hers until she got involved with Harlan “Billy” Lewis. Billy’s “rough and uncouth” cowboy ways tamed the shrew, which was something I enjoyed watching every second of. Billy might have been different from her world of sophistication and class, yet I think that’s what made him so appealing to Vanessa in the end. Watching Vanessa battle and ultimately succumb to her attraction is what endeared her to me. I felt like her love for Billy changed her and made me see her in a different light.

Although Vanessa would eventually separate from Billy, I kept watching my favorite sophisticated lady. Like Josh and Reva, I always wanted Vanessa back with Billy…until Matt Reardon. Honestly, I never felt like Billy Lewis had true competition for Vanessa’s heart until Matt entered the picture.

During this time, my interest in Guiding Light was waning a bit, and I wasn’t keeping up as much with the show. It was the promo for Matt and Vanessa that intrigued me and made me a more faithful watcher. Before cougar story lines became popular, Vanessa was one of the first female characters to fall for and marry a younger man. Unlike many current cougar story lines, Vanessa’s relationship with Matt was told in a way that made you feel like these two were truly, deeply in love. I know some Vanessa and Billy fans might stone me, but I would have preferred Vanessa and Matt sailing off into the sunset as a couple when Guiding Light ended. Vanessa and Matt’s story line remains as one of my favorites on the Guiding Light. Nevertheless, I understand why the show paired Vanessa and Billy back together. It makes sense to reunite Vanessa with the man who tamed her for any other man afterwards.

The Dimming of the Light

After the Matt and Vanessa romance, I tuned out of Guiding Light. At the time, I was watching a number of soap operas outside of the CBS network. Shows like Days of Our Lives and One Life to Live had captured my interest. Because of the number of soap operas I was watching in the 1990s, I had to cut out the underperformers. As a result, Guiding Light became a casualty. I wasn’t completely out of the loop on what occurred on the show, however. Around the time I tuned out, both of my younger brothers were still tuning in. They would fill me in on some of the characters I grew up watching, so I wasn’t living in a complete void when it came to Guiding Light. Although both brothers encouraged me to watch one particular story line – Phillip Spaulding and Harley Cooper – I never did. By the late 1990s, I felt confident that I would not watch Guiding Light again.

A Surprising Return & the Extinguishing of the Light

If you’ve been a follower of my blog for several months, then you’re aware that one story line (Otalia) brought me back to Guiding Light in January 2009. Before I started watching again, I knew that the Guiding Light I left behind in the early 1990s was not the same show. I had heard many things about Guiding Light’s much maligned “reality TV” production model. I was mentally prepared for the change, and I knew it was going to be different. However, I still couldn’t help but be a bit shocked at the show’s look when I started watching again. The hand cameras and lack of sets of Guiding Light’s production model bothered me for many months. I admittedly struggled with the production model (until portions of it clicked with me in late summer 2009). I just tried to ignore the look and feel of the show, and I wanted to focus on the stories.

I enjoyed getting caught up on what happened to the characters/families I remembered – the Coopers, the Lewises, the Spauldings, etc. I also discovered new characters that I was unaware of like Bill Lewis, Lizzie Spaulding, Dinah Marler, and James Spaulding. Alas, just as I was settling into Guiding Light again, CBS announced that it was cancelled on April 1, 2009.

The cancellation announcement wasn’t a shocker to me. I was aware that Guiding Light had been struggling shortly after I stopped watching in the 1990s. Nevertheless, the actual cancellation notice was sad when I heard about it. Aside from the fact that the show played a large part of my childhood, there are some ironic coincidences with Guiding Light’s cancellation and death on the airwaves.

I talked about how my maternal grandmother is the reason why I watched soap operas. Oddly enough, some key things really strike a personal note with me regarding Guiding Light and my grandmother.

Ironic Coincidence #1

I stopped watching the Guiding Light full time in (late) 1993. In 1993, my maternal grandmother died of a massive heart attack.

Ironic Coincidence #2

Guiding Light’s cancellation was announced in April 2009. My maternal grandmother died in the month of April – the 16^th to be exact.

Ironic Coincidence #3

At 72 years old, Guiding Light was extinguished from the airwaves and it died. My maternal grandmother died when she was 72 years old.

These ironic coincidences are another saddening factor in Guiding Light’s demise for me. While I had disagreements with the show since July 2009 and I was dissatisfied with many aspects of story lines, it is still sad to see it die. When I saw the words “The End” on the last episode, it really hit me that I will never see a new episode of Guiding Light again. It was a sobering moment to realize that an American institution is dead.

I mourn the loss of a show that played an important part of my childhood. I will especially miss old Guiding Light characters that I grew up watching. I will miss new characters that I enjoyed once I returned to the show. I will miss getting angry when the show did something to annoy me. I will miss feeling happy when the show did something I loved.

To everyone who was involved with Guiding Light over the decades, I want to simply say thank you. Good luck, God speed, and goodbye.

As you are aware, I decided to take a hiatus from writing Otalia posts. I realized early on that there wasn’t going to be much to write about until Jessica Leccia (Natalia Rivera) returned from maternity leave. I also had a deep suspicion that the Guiding Light writing team wouldn’t have a good story line for Crystal Chappell (Olivia Spencer) while Leccia was away. Unfortunately, I was right about that, too. I realized fans were going to see nothing but “broken Olivia,” which was downright unbearable. It was just far too depressing to watch “broken Olivia,” so I actually stopped watching shortly after I wrote this post. I decided to catch back up on the Otalia story once I knew Jessica Leccia would reappear on Guiding Light (August 17, 2009 episode).

For me, the week of August 17 on Guiding Light was a critical week. It would help me make my final decision on if I would continue to write about Otalia or quit. As I wrote in my July 26, 2009 post, I was leaning towards quitting. Nonetheless, I wanted to be sure because I was torn between continuing and quitting the Otalia posts. During my hiatus, I had time to figure things out (just like Natalia). I knew I wanted to quit as the weeks passed and I didn’t miss writing the posts. That internal tug of war I experienced went away, and I felt at peace with my decision to quit writing the Otalia posts. I also didn’t miss Otalia that much when I quit watching for a few weeks either. It helped that I managed to start de-investing myself from Otalia around the time I wrote this June 23, 2009 post. Despite my acceptance that I was quitting the Otalia posts, I wanted to be 100% sure I was doing the right thing. I would say I was 99% sure I wanted to quit for weeks; however, I wanted to wait for Jessica Leccia to return and see if I felt a spark of something. I wanted to know if there was something there…if there was something that would make me change my mind. I wanted know if I would magically get my Otalia writing mojo back; nothing is impossible. As a result, I watched Otalia closely, and I watched the week of August 17 very carefully. Did I feel a spark? To put it simply, yes…but there is a “but.”

So What’s the Deal?

I see the chemistry between Jessica Leccia and Crystal Chappell is still there. A blind person could see that; however, there are issues with the Otalia story line that troubles me. Allow me to explain.

Issue #1 – The “Frankenbaby”

There is no doubt that the “Frankenbaby” is real at this point. At the time, I wrote that I didn’t think Natalia was pregnant. Well, I was wrong. I just didn’t think the writers were honestly and truly going to make Natalia pregnant…you know, for real, for real. This whole “Frankenbaby” angle still makes no sense to me. I have issues about it that I will detail later, but I want to discuss one thing in particular.

There was an unspoken agreement between the show and fans. We were “asked” to ignore that Jessica Leccia was pregnant on screen when Guiding Light didn’t hide her pregnancy. As a fan, I did what the show “asked” of me because I stopped writing about how they weren’t hiding Leccia’s pregnancy (at times). However, the reality is that you couldn’t help but notice it because the show didn’t always succeed at hiding her pregnancy. I am mentioning Guiding Light not hiding Leccia’s pregnancy for a reason. That reason is simple: I was asked to ignore the pregnancy of obviously pregnant actress for months. However, Ellen Wheeler and Jill Lorie Hurst made Leccia’s character pregnant on Guiding Light right before she had a baby in real life. I just have to laugh at the ridiculous irony because it wasn’t worth getting angry over. Once I knew for sure that Natalia was carrying “Dr. FrankenCooper’s” baby, I knew that all logic had been tossed out the window.

Issue #2 – “Fembot Natalia” is Still Activated & Online

No one was happier than I was to see Natalia back on Guiding Light. However, my excitement at seeing Natalia was dampened by the fact that “fembot Natalia” is still present in the Otalia story. For me, it wasn’t so much what Natalia said on the August 18, 2009 and August 19, 2009 episodes. Yes, she said some dialog that didn’t make sense. Primarily, it’s what she didn’t say that bothered me the most. When “Dr. FrankenCooper” started talking about marriage, “my Natalia” should have disposed him of that notion immediately. Obviously, “fembot Natalia” was suppressing “my Natalia’s” vocal chords. When “fembot Natalia” did speak, she did say some things that puzzle me, mainly to Olivia. For the most part, I’m referring to Natalia’s explanations to Olivia on why she left. I was waiting to see if Natalia would have a good and reasonable explanation for going into “fembot Natalia” mode. I didn’t get that. I pretty much got the same dialog she said to Father Ray (the week of June 29, 2009). I’m sorry, but that just wasn’t good enough. Natalia should have had one helluva, logical explanation for not calling/texting/tweeting Olivia and taking off without a word. There wasn’t a deeper, hidden reason in her past that explained why Natalia ran off the way she did. Instead, I got recycled dialog from the week of June 29, 2009. Again, that wasn’t good enough for this Otalia fan, and that wasn’t a good enough explanation for Olivia either. I connect issue #2 with issue #1 – the “Frankenbaby” angle.

Issue #3 – Natalia’s Character Was Sacrificed on the “Altar of Bullshit”

I am still bothered how Natalia Rivera was sacrificed on the “altar of bullshit.” What is the “altar of bullshit” you ask? It refers to damaging (or destroying) a character – one that many loved, which includes me – and making them do or say illogical things for the sake of plot. That is what happened to Natalia’s character with this “Frankenbaby” angle. It was also the day “fembot Natalia” was activated and “my Natalia” went offline. I was hoping there would be a damn good reason why the Natalia character was damaged for this “Frankenbaby” angle. I don’t see one. I have my suspicions why the Natalia character was damaged. Ironically enough, many of those suspicions that I have, I wrote about in my special edition May 6, 2009 post.

Ultimately, I feel like Ellen Wheeler and Jill Lorie Hurst had no plan for writing Jessica Leccia off the show for her maternity leave. They had months to plan something far better (and more logical) than the “Frankenbaby” angle. In writing this pregnancy into the Otalia story, Wheeler and Hurst did major harm to a beloved character…for no logical reason. And let’s be honest here. The “Frankenbaby” is 100% illogical because I still do not see how Natalia wouldn’t have known she was pregnant a helluva lot sooner. She slept with Frank in February 2009, but she didn’t find out she was pregnant until the end of June 2009 (damn near into July). Ummm…do they think fans can’t count? Do they think we are not paying attention? Well, here is a breaking news alert. Many of us learned to count as pre-schoolers watching Sesame Street or The Electric Company. I mean, I distinctly remember Maria on Sesame Street teaching me to count to 10 in Spanish. I also distinctly remember the 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12 song (see this video) that helped me learn to count in The Electric Company. Therefore, since the fans did learn to count, we know the numbers just don’t add up. Nevertheless, it seems like Wheeler and Hurst wanted to torture the Otalia fans, unnecessarily, with more angst that is pointless. Once again, I connect issue #3 with issue #1 – the “Frankenbaby” angle.

Issue #4 – Otalia is Clearly Getting the “Nuke Treatment”

I know that many fans have been clamoring for the first mutual kiss between Olivia and Natalia. The lack of a kiss didn’t bother me much because I enjoyed the slow build up and increasing affectionate touches. You just don’t get many affectionate gestures between soap couples anymore. Otalia made me enjoy the affection, as they seemed to build up to a mutual kiss. I felt like Olivia and Natalia were heading to their first mutual kiss the week of June 8, 2009. I thought we were going to get a kiss soon, until the story deviated into the valley of depression and stayed there. The introduction of the “Frankenbaby” and the resulting angst has put a kiss so far out of orbit that it’s probably never going to happen. The “Frankenbaby” angle has also made me realize something else. Otalia is definitely getting the “Nuke treatment.” Let me explain what that is first.

• “Nuke treatment” – This is the unnecessary torture of gay or lesbian characters, particularly if fans like the couple. This also refers to unequal treatment of gay and lesbian characters that cannot kiss and experience the same level of intimacy (aka on screen sex scenes) as heterosexual characters. The Nuke treatment originated with the Luke and Noah characters (squish name is Nuke) on fellow Proctor & Gamble soap, As the World Turns. Despite Nuke’s popularity (early on), there seemed to be a ban on a kiss (after the first one) and a real (not implied) sex scene with the couple.

In the beginning, I was hoping that Otalia wasn’t going to get the “Nuke treatment.” Unlike Nuke, Otalia was written carefully and with realism for many, many months. Because Otalia’s story was told so beautifully (until “Frankenbaby”), I actually had some hope for intimacy just like any other soap couple. I felt like since this was 2009, Otalia would have equality like heterosexual couples. Unfortunately, even Otalia couldn’t escape the clutches of the “Nuke treatment.”

I see what’s going on here, and it honestly pisses me off. I don’t know who is responsible – The Powers That Be, CBS, etc. – for giving Otalia the “Nuke treatment,” but it is blatantly unfair. In my eyes, Otalia is just like any other soap couple, so they should be allowed be intimate…just like any other soap couple. Nevertheless, I have accepted that Otalia won’t be given equal treatment, and that is truly sad. Otalia was a story that pulled in heterosexual and homosexual fans. It opened many people’s eyes and made them see that love is love, no matter whom that person is. I view Otalia as a groundbreaking story because it did open minds and hearts on all forms of love. Unfortunately, it didn’t open some people’s minds and hearts enough to allow Otalia to rise above the “Nuke treatment.” I connect issue #4 with closed-minded people.

Issue #5 – Otalia was Rebooted to March/April 2009

When I watched the week of August 17, I realized that in many ways, Otalia was rebooted to March and April 2009. I heard similar dialog and saw similar actions that occurred when Natalia was going to marry Frank. In a couple of instances, Olivia’s dialog and actions was rebooted prior to April 2009. A perfect example of what I’m talking about is when Olivia said she was going to help Frank marry Natalia in the August 19, 2009 episode. This was oddly similar to what I’ve seen before when Frank and Natalia were together. Essentially, I am seeing recycled dialog and actions with Otalia. The story has been rebooted to certain points in Otalia’s earlier timeline, which is a shame and just plain distressing. When I saw the recycled material in Otalia the week of August 17, I actually started laughing. I laughed because it’s better than getting angry and annoyed. If anything, I saw the irony at play here; it was as clear as sunshine on a hot Florida day.

Otalia was refreshingly free and clear of recycled material. Many soaps recycle material from prior story lines to “tell new stories” that we’ve seen a hundred times with couples. Since Guiding Light is ending, I truly didn’t think Otalia would fall into the recycled material trap. The recycling of dialog and actions has spread like swine flu on other soaps. To see it affect Otalia just made me laugh and laugh heartily at that. Once again, I’m a long time soap fan who is very jaded. I get it. I understand what’s going on when it comes to soap writing, especially for super couples. I just can’t believe this is happening to a story line that’s ending in a few weeks. I connect issue #5 with the condition known as recycling rather than writing that infects the soap opera industry like the plague.

I see other issues with the Otalia story line that I won’t detail. Yet, I see enough issues that boggle my mind – all of which are problematic. It isn’t very inspiring for me, and it makes me glad that I de-invested myself from Otalia. I can watch this story line without raising my blood pressure and getting angered. It is what it is, and I have accepted that whatever happens just frakin happens. It’s sad, but that’s the way it is when I view Otalia right now.

Is There Any Good to Otalia Now?

I would be remiss to point out the good to Otalia now that Jessica Leccia is back, which leads me to my first good point.

The Good #1 – Jessica Leccia Back on My Screen

My love affair with Jessica Leccia’s facial expressions is well documented in my Otalia posts. I also grew to appreciate Leccia as an actress who blossomed in the role of Natalia Rivera. I knew I was going to miss her when she went on maternity leave. I just didn’t realize how much I missed her.

To be blunt, there was no Otalia without Jessica Leccia. That was “crystal” clear when I grew a bit disinterested in Otalia without having both Leccia and Chappell on my screen. Something was off whenever I saw Chappell as Olivia. Other than the story line for the Olivia character (99% of it that I didn’t like), I realized what was wrong. There was no Jessica Leccia. As the weeks passed, I found that absence definitely made my heart grow fonder for Leccia’s work as Natalia. Watching Chappell without Leccia was like being on a fast for a month. I couldn’t wait to stop fasting and eat some food!

When Leccia returned to Guiding Light on the August 17, 2009 episode, I smiled the entire time she was on my screen. Seriously, I think my face was frozen in a smile when I got my first fresh Leccia fix since July 2009. Sadly, I confess I resorted to watching old Otalia clips because I missed “my Natalia” so much. When I resorted to watching clips to see Leccia and reminisce over “my Natalia” to forget “fembot Natalia,” I knew what was going on. I knew beyond any doubt that I was closeted Team Dimples fan who’d finally come out of the closet.

Ever since the April 22, 2009 episode, I truly believe I was a closeted Team Dimples fan for many months. When I re-read a sample of my Otalia posts, I realized that I sometimes focused on Natalia’s growth after the love confession. Yes, I also discussed Olivia as well, but I feel like I was walking the path towards Team Dimples from the way I wrote about Natalia.

In all honesty, I love Jessica Leccia and Crystal Chappell as actresses equally. They have both been essential to this story line. Otalia does not work with either one of them, and Leccia and Chappell have been very dedicated in their roles. However, I have felt that Leccia has not received enough kudos and attention for her work in the role of Natalia Rivera. I noticed it and found that I didn’t like Leccia being overlooked by others. Therefore, to Jessica Leccia, I have the following to say to you.

Special Message to Jessica Leccia

You are great, and you are wonderful. I truly appreciate your work in the role of Natalia Rivera. I didn’t know how much I appreciated you until I couldn’t see you for a month on Guiding Light. If Crystal Chappell is the light bulb to the Otalia story, you are the filament. Without the filament, there is no light. That was completely evident to me without you. I missed you while you were on maternity leave. I sincerely appreciate you for coming back early and completing the Otalia story. I have to say that you did not deserve to have your character sacrificed on the “altar of bullshit” for the sake of plot. You deserved far better than that. I am angered on your behalf for the damage that was done to Natalia because of illogical plot. Nevertheless, now that you are back, the Otalia light bulb is shining its light again. Thank you for being so dedicated in the Natalia Rivera role. Know that I appreciate you, and you have a fan in me for life. Good luck on Venice, motherhood, and any endeavor that you do. If you can conceive it, you can achieve it. I will be watching and waiting for your star to rise and shine brighter than ever.

The Good #2 – Natalia is Chasing Olivia

Despite seeing traces of “fembot Natalia” with Leccia’s return, I finally saw an episode of Guiding Light where I got nothing but “my Natalia.” That episode was the August 21, 2009. Was this encouraging? Yes, it was encouraging. As of August 21, it appears that Natalia is going to do the chasing that I needed her to do (see my July 12, 2009 post). I loved seeing the only version of Natalia that matters and makes sense – “my Natalia” – for an entire episode. I am seeing the Natalia that refused to give up on Olivia back in the April 22, 2009 and April 23, 2009 episodes. Not only am I seeing old school Natalia, but she is doing something new that I found very interesting.

In the August 21, 2009 episode, I noticed Natalia seems to be on a path of expressing her love for Olivia in words and actions. If you’ve been reading my previous posts, I have discussed how Olivia and Natalia express their love for each other. To recap, Olivia doesn’t express her love for Natalia verbally (as much), but she shows it in her actions. Natalia expresses her love for Olivia verbally, but she doesn’t always show it in her actions. It seems like Natalia could be showing her love in actions and words to fix the rift with Olivia. This is something that I love seeing; however, I am concerned this won’t sustain.

I’m going to be honest here. I do not trust the writing for the Natalia character (or the Olivia character for that matter). I am watching this story on a day-to-day basis with the idea that what I see one day will not apply the next day. Believe me, it helps that I watch Otalia this way and with this mindset. I know that I am no longer watching a story that had a logical route down the freeway of love. I am now watching a story that detoured down the illogical dirt road back in July. As a result, I am fully prepared for another illogical schism in this story because I do not know if “fembot Natalia” is truly deactivated and offline. I cannot even say that I have hope that “my Natalia” is back for good. Of course, I want “my Natalia” on my screen from this point forward, but I learned long ago, it doesn’t matter what the fans want in the soap industry. Again, I watch it on a day-to-day basis with the idea that what I’m seeing today will change tomorrow.

The Good #3 – The Otalia Magic is Still There

Despite the unequal treatment and issues with the Otalia story, the magic is still there. When Natalia called out Olivia’s name and got her attention on the August 17, 2009 episode, I said, “good God!” aloud. Jessica Leccia’s first scenes with Crystal Chappell were like seeing Las Vegas lit up against the Nevada sky. The intensity and chemistry between these actresses is as strong as ever. Even when Natalia and Olivia argued, nothing could extinguish the fire. To this day, I feel like there is no other soap couple that radiates the kind of chemistry like Otalia. It is unfortunate Otalia will not get to express that chemistry through normal intimacy. I have a feeling a mutual kiss and a sex scene between Olivia and Natalia would make the fans reach for a cigarette. Even those of us who don’t smoke would need one.

The Good #4 – Olivia Isn’t Making it Easy for Natalia

I always hoped that Olivia wouldn’t make things easy for Natalia when she returned. Considering the circumstances of how Natalia left, Olivia should be difficult with Natalia. I want Olivia to make Natalia “beg for it” and keep Natalia coming after her. I see that Olivia is doing exactly what she should be doing. Yes, it’s a bit hard watching Olivia taking the hard line with someone as lovable as “my Natalia.” However, as Olivia said, “fembot Natalia” left her without a word. Olivia is hurt, and she is in “hard boiled egg” mode right now, which is completely understandable. I think Olivia will forgive Natalia, but for now, she is making Natalia go through hoops, as she should. Natalia didn’t trust in their love, so she’s going to have to work hard to repair the damage.

The Good #5 – Crystal Chappell is Putting Actors to Shame That “Phone it In”

Crystal Chappell has been signed to Days of Our Lives since June 2009. Unlike some actors who shall remain nameless, she isn’t “phoning it in” for the remainder of her time on Guiding Light. She is putting other actors to shame that leave for another show and “phone it in” while they wait to be written off. I’ll even take it one step further. Chappell is putting any soap actor that “phones it in” (for any reason) to shame. Her work on Guiding Light remains extraordinary. Chappell is showing me that she is an absolute professional by continuing to pull out performances that make you pay attention to everything she does. For any soap actor who thinks it’s okay to “phone it in,” look at Crystal Chappell and rethink what you’re doing. Chappell exemplifies professionalism and commitment as an actress. If Jessica Leccia is the filament, then Crystal Chappell is the light bulb in the Otalia story. To Crystal Chappell, I have to say the following:

Special Message to Crystal Chappell

Watching you act is like having Christmas every day. It is unbelievable what you can convey as the Olivia character with or without words. You have impressed me so much as Olivia that I think I will have a hard time watching you in another role. You endeared Olivia Spencer to me with your dedication to bringing this character to life. I appreciate you for putting your all into the Olivia character. Believe me, it is evident that you are committed as an actress, and I admire that kind of commitment. That said, you didn’t deserve the “broken Olivia” story line while Jessica Leccia was on maternity leave. You deserved better. However, despite the “broken Olivia” story line, I could see that you were committed to doing your job and doing it extraordinarily well. Just like “your Jessie,” you are one of my favorite actresses in daytime and primetime, period. Good luck in all that you do, and know that this fan for life is appreciative to the beauty you deliver on screen.

With All that Said, Do I Quit or Continue the Otalia Posts?

As I said earlier in this post, I felt a spark of something when Jessica Leccia returned, mostly because of the August 21, 2009 episode. However, it isn’t enough for me. I feel 100% certain that I will quit writing the Otalia posts. I am in jaded soap fan mode because of how the Otalia story has deviated into…whatever this is. If I continue to write about Otalia, I have a feeling most of my posts would pick apart why the dialog or story is illogical. I don’t want waste my time doing that cause it would essentially be the same post every week. Remember, the Otalia story is on an illogical path thanks to the “Frankenbaby” angle.

Additionally, as I stated earlier, I have de-invested myself from Otalia. I do not have the same love in my heart for Otalia that I had in June 2009 (and prior). Therefore, my commitment level to suffering pain (no sleep) to write these posts is not the same as it once was. I love Otalia pre-“Frankenbaby,” but I dislike nearly everything post-“Frankenbaby.” This post-“Frankenbaby” era of Otalia has been hard for me to watch, let alone analyze. I cannot commit myself to analyzing stuff that doesn’t make sense for Otalia posts.

I have to say that post-“Frankenbaby” era is painful to watch. I am tired of seeing strong female characters – Olivia and Natalia – crumble into weak and pathetic women. Again, they are getting the “Nuke treatment,” and that is a damn shame. At this point, I am only watching Otalia because of the respect I have for Crystal Chappell and Jessica Leccia. On a serious note, if it weren’t for the show going off the air in a few weeks, I would have quit Otalia. The writing for this couple has become disappointing, which is sad. Yes, it is possible to love a couple, but if the writing for them sucks, I will walk away. This jaded soap fan doesn’t accept just anything that soap writers throw at them. I will quit your show in a heartbeat if it’s bad. I am sticking with Otalia only for Leccia and Chappell. Despite my feelings for the writing, those two lovely actresses have never disappointed me. I am only still paying attention to Otalia because I love Leccia and Chappell’s work, so I can watch for a few more weeks.

Now that you know how I feel about Otalia, I think you can see why I am quitting the posts. In addition to all of that, I just don’t have much time right now. The 9-5 has me on a grueling schedule of 12-hour days, nearly every day for the next month. I do not have much time for myself, let alone time to write about a couple that has uninspiring writing. If the writing were good, I would try to make some time, somewhere to write an occasional Otalia post. Unfortunately, the writing for Otalia is not good. As of today, I am officially resigned from writing Otalia posts. It will take something absolutely extraordinary to bring me out of retirement. When I say extraordinary, it’s going to have to be something similar to what drove me to write about Otalia in the first place. In the past, that catalyst was the wedding and Otalia love confession back in April 2009. I seriously doubt something like that is on the horizon for Otalia, so I feel sure that I am retired for good.

But there is another “but” that I will explain shortly.

So What’s Next?

I have a few projects in the pipe, but I also wanted to address some other things that people have been asking me. I felt this was the perfect opportunity to address those questions.

Venice the Series

Some of you have asked me if I will write about Venice on Twitter. Venice is the web series that will star Crystal Chappell and Jessica Leccia. I have to say that right now, I am inclined to say I probably won’t. I do not know that much about Venice other than the bits of information that I see on Twitter. It’s hard to say you will write about something when you haven’t seen it. I am doubtful that I will write about Venice, but never say never. I will have to wait and see how I feel when the show airs.

Days of Our Lives

I have received a few tweets on Twitter asking me if I will write about Crystal Chappell’s story line on Days of Our Lives. I haven’t seen Chappell’s scenes as Dr. Carly Manning and won’t until September. Nevertheless, I seriously doubt I will write about her story line. I have concerns that the writing on Days of Our Lives isn’t going to be good enough for Chappell’s talent.

I was watching Days of Our Lives (January 2009) before Chappell announced she was returning. The writing on that show was mostly disastrous other than the writing for Safe (Sami and Rafe). Granted, I am behind on my Safe scenes on Days of Our Lives, but I am aware of what’s going on. My youngest brother is still watching, and he says the show’s writing is still good for Safe; the other stuff is not good. I trust my brother’s instincts since he knows what’s good and bad writing on soap operas, just like me. For Crystal Chappell’s sake, I hope the writing comes up to her level as an actress. She deserves better than what I have seen on Days of Our Lives. I would feel better if I knew whoever is writing for Safe is writing for Chappell.

Personal Projects – Novels & TV Series

I am mostly focusing my attention on personal projects. Writing about Otalia in addition to the necessary prep time (analysis of the footage) took up a lot of time. I was having a hard time trying to work on my own projects and write about Otalia. I have a neglected trilogy that I am itching to get back to writing. I also have another trilogy that I am outlining ideas for in my spare time. On top of that, I have a sequel for a finished novel to write. I also need to start pursuing a publishing deal again. I am a writer, and I love writing novels. If you think my Otalia posts are enjoyable, I feel like I really shine as a writer through my novels. It’s time I share my work with the rest of the world. To do that, I have to get back on the grind of pursuing a publishing deal. I know I am good at what I do. I just need to get someone to believe in me and take a chance. It will happen. It’s only a matter of time.

Other than my novels, I am working on developing a TV series of my own with my youngest brother. This project was totally accidental. It came out of the frustration that we see in soap operas and our desire to fix the craptastic writing if we had the chance. My youngest brother and I would always bounce ideas for story lines to fix the soaps we love. However, we know we’ll never be hired to write for daytime TV. As a result, we’re going to take our ideas and develop our own primetime series with soap opera elements. This format works for shows like True Blood. It will work for our show as well. This is an exciting project for both of us, and we are actively working on developing the series every week. Having to write a series is a new challenge for me, and I am enjoying it. We shall see what happens. We are working to recruit our film-making brother into the team; he writes scripts and wrote his own soap (and a very impressive one) when he was 11 years old. Obviously, this kind of thing is in our blood as siblings.

Otalia

As I stated earlier, I’m not quite done with Otalia. I have three more Otalia-related projects in the pipe. I am definitely going to finish my Otalia Jessica Leccia Edition. I will also write the Otalia Crystal Chappell Edition. Those would be my final Otalia posts. As for when they are coming, that’s a good question. As I said earlier, the 9-5 has me working 12 hour days (as a norm) for the next month. With everything that’s going on, it’s hard to find time to write about Otalia, let alone get enough sleep each night. I consider it low priority in comparison to all of my other writing projects. Nonetheless, I will work on those posts when I find the time.

I mentioned a third Otalia-related project. I don’t want to say anything much about it right now, but I am developing something that you will appreciate. I’m still working out the details, but you will know about it here. So, subscribe to my site’s RSS feed to stay informed.

Final Thoughts

Writing these posts has allowed me to grow as a writer. On a serious note, I didn’t know that I could analyze and write like this until I started writing about Otalia. I have my moments where even I am surprised about what comes out. Discovering that I had the ability to write this way was a pleasant surprise. I’m a person who loves to learn new things, and I definitely learned a lot writing about Otalia.

Just because I’m not writing about Otalia anymore doesn’t mean that I won’t talk about it. Since I am free from the constraints of my Otalia writing method, I can talk about Otalia on Twitter; however, I will remain spoiler free. If you want to, you can follow me on Twitter or subscribe to my FriendFeed account.

I want to say thank you to everyone who has read my Otalia posts. I keep saying that I appreciate your support, and I really do mean that. I hope you stick with me here on WriteTilt.com. You never know what else I am cooking up my sleeve. Thank you so much for your love and support!

Note: If you comment and choose to leave a spoiler, please identify it in advance with the word “spoiler,” or even separate it out to alert me that a spoiler is coming. I read everyone’s comments, but if I see the word “spoiler,” I stop reading at that point.

Hola Otalians,

I have been writing about the Otalia pairing on Guiding Light since April 20, 2009. As many of you are aware, the weekly grind of cranking out Otalia posts have been pleasurably painful. Unfortunately, I have gotten to a point where I am considering one of three options:

1. Continue writing about Otalia on a weekly basis as normal – This scenario is not likely.
2. Write about Otalia occasionally, when there is something significant to write about – This scenario is possible and likely.
3. Quit writing the Otalia posts forever – I have honestly leaned more towards this scenario as of late.

I thought I could write about Otalia to the very end, but for the past few weeks, I have had my doubts. Quite simply, I am tired and drained. As many of you are aware, my Otalia posts have become episodically longer every week. On average, the Otalia posts are 17 pages these days. That’s a lot of writing, but that part isn’t what’s the most time consuming. It’s the actual watching, re-watching, and analysis of the current week’s Otalia footage and past footage. These days, I end up spending more time studying archived footage of Otalia to conduct my weekly analysis. I have to baby step my way through new/archive footage sometimes to write the Otalia posts, which takes hours. This is one reason why my Otalia posts have been coming out on Sundays rather than Saturdays the past few weeks. I have a lot more stuff to watch than just the current week’s episodes. As many of you know, I come correct with my Otalia posts, or I don’t do it at all. There is no halfway with me when I write about Natalia Rivera (Jessica Leccia) and Olivia Spencer (Crystal Chappell).

I have lost sleep every Friday night to study footage and write the posts in marathon writing sessions through Saturday and lately, Sundays. I know many of you have been concerned about my lack of sleep to write the Otalia posts Friday nights. However, staying up all night isn’t the part of the process that is hardest for me. Before I ever started writing about Otalia, I typically stayed up all night on Friday. I was usually writing my novel(s), watching Fear Friday on AMC, or working on some web site project. Therefore, I have been accustomed to being up all night Friday. Nonetheless, I need a break…for a few weeks. I have been on this type of pacing for three months without fail. It hasn’t been easy. Writing the Otalia posts are mentally, physically, and even emotionally exhausting for me. I give so much of myself to write these posts the way that I do. I try to push myself to be better than I am each week. With the way things are, I am unsure if I can do that at the moment.

I have been very dedicated to bringing you the quality that you expect from my Otalia posts; however, I don’t want to give you (or myself) anything less than my best. Right now, I don’t feel like I can bring you that. While I don’t have to be inspired to write, it sure helps a lot. The current direction of the Otalia story is not inspiring to me. If anything, it concerns me. This “Frankenbaby” angle and associated angst is just absolutely illogical. I don’t want to waste my time writing about that right now. Considering how much time I spend writing these posts, I need to have my heart in it.  My heart just isn’t in the Otalia posts the way that I need it to be at this moment. I don’t want to “fake it just to make it” to the September 18 finish line, which is when Guiding Light ends. You don’t deserve that, and I don’t either.

So…what does that mean for the Otalia posts? Right now, it means that I am on hiatus for a couple of weeks…at least until Jessica Leccia returns to my screen. I am weighing my options on what to do about my Otalia posts. At this moment, I am torn between continuing writing about Otalia on a limited (non-weekly) basis or quitting them for good. Again, I have to say that I am definitely leaning more towards quitting. However, I also have my days where I feel like continuing the Otalia posts on a limited basis. It’s on those days where I feel like I still have something to say about Otalia. I have been seesawing between both options on a daily basis. Ultimately, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I will take time during my hiatus to think about my options. Perhaps in a couple of weeks, I will find the fire, passion, and drive again. Or maybe I will know that it’s time to hang it up for good. I will say that if I decide to quit the Otalia posts, I want to go out on top. I would want to finish the Otalia Jessica Leccia Edition. As for the rumored Otalia Crystal Chappell Edition, that’s more of a maybe more so than a definite at this point. Nevertheless, I feel like I would like to do that one as well. While working on the Jessica Leccia post, I had already picked out some possible scenes to write about for the Otalia Crystal Chappell Edition. It’s up in the air, but at the very least, there would be the Otalia Jessica Leccia Edition.

For now, I’m just going to take a breather…and maybe sleep on Friday nights for a couple of weeks. I will still be watching Otalia on Guiding Light of course. I just want to make the right decision on what I want to do and really think it over the next few weeks. I hate this feeling of being torn regarding my Otalia posts. I think about what to do every day, several times a day. I feel like I have really crafted something magical with my Otalia posts, and I’d hate to give that up. On the other hand, I have other writing projects – novels, a series I’m developing with my brother, etc. – tugging for my attention. I am definitely torn in my own creative tug of war, and there is only one of me. I just need time to pull back and think, so that’s what I will be doing.

I want to say thank you to everyone for all of the support, feedback, comments, tweets, and emails you have left me over the past three months. It is truly heartwarming to have my work appreciated. I really, really bust my butt to write these posts (and other stuff here). After so many years of being “undiscovered,” it is extremely pleasant and humbling to have a large audience…at last! You have no idea how many years I have toiled (mostly in secret) and worked so hard to perfect my writing. It’s one thing to feel like you’re good at what you do, but it’s another story to hear that constant feedback from my readers. You guys rock, and I appreciate all of you. Thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart.

You will know if I’m back or not via a blog post here within a couple of weeks. For now, I’m on vacation, and I’m gone fishin’.

Sincerely,

SJD (aka The Hive Mind)

I got off to a late start watching Guiding Light episodes for the week of July 13. Because I had to put in mandatory overtime for the 9-5, I didn’t see any of the show until July 18. I then went into serious analysis mode for the week and attempted to write an Otalia post. I realized late last night (July 18) that there isn’t anything worth writing about…at least like one of my usual posts. So once again, I scrapped my regular Otalia post and started writing this one instead.

The Otalia week for July 13 did not advance the story line. All I got was more “broken Olivia” at the Bizzie (Bill & Lizzie) wedding and her associated scenes with Jeffery O’Neil’s death. I understand why Olivia was involved in scenes for the Bizzie wedding and Jeffery’s death. Nevertheless, I have to wonder if Jill Lorie Hurst and Ellen Wheeler even had a story line for Crystal Chappell while Jessica Leccia (Natalia) was on maternity leave. If their plan was to have Olivia cry over Natalia for four weeks, then this is going to get boring to me very fast. I’m fine with Olivia mixing it up with the cast, but she essentially did nothing but look broken, defeated, and depressed in every scene the week of July 13. This is not an angle or story line for Olivia. This crying and brokenness exhibited by Olivia is a holding pattern of dark melancholy until Natalia returns. As far as I’m concerned, Olivia didn’t have to be on Guiding Light as much as she was for the week of July 13. At the most, I can see her having scenes for the July 13 episode. However, her July 17 episode scenes could have been reduced. Here is why I say that.

The Bizzie Wedding + Olivia = Necessary Scenes

I can understand why Olivia was a part of the Bizzie wedding. Olivia was romantically involved with Bill, and Emma was the flower girl. Bill and Olivia are on good terms from everything I’ve seen, so it would make sense for her to be at the wedding. Aside from that, Olivia needed to be there for the reciting of the vows.

While Bill and Lizzie were reciting their vows, I felt like everything said could have been vows Olivia and Natalia would say to each other at their own wedding. Just switch out Lizzie and replace her with Natalia,  switch out Bill and replace him with Olivia, and these vows would be perfect.

Lizzie’s Slightly Modified Vows Spoken Through Natalia

“I love you. Wow…those words have become so much easier to say. There was this time in my life where I just chased after love….it’s all I wanted. Relationships were difficult…or painful, conflicted. Love wasn’t in the cards for me. And then like a miracle, you came into my life. And you, Olivia Spencer, make me feel special and safe and wanted and very strong. And it’s because of you that I understand real love now. It’s way better than all my dreams. And it’s…it’s just greater than any fantasy. I love you. Thank you for choosing me.”

Bill’s Slightly Modified Vows Spoken Through Olivia

“When I came back to Springfield, I was a woman who needed no one…but my family, friends…definitely not love. I thought I knew it all. And then you came into my world and turned it upside down. You, Natalia Rivera, make me crazy. Okay. You make me crazier than I have ever been. But you also make me happier than I ever, ever thought I could be. And because of you, you make me wanna be a better woman…the kind of woman you deserve. And it’s your love and your faith in me that has made me whole. And it’s also shown me that…I knew nothing until I found you. I need you. You are my best friend. You are the love of my life. And I love you more than I thought I could ever love anyone. Thank you for choosing me.”

I saw the way the camera panned to Olivia’s face when Bill was reciting his vows to Lizzie. Olivia was clearly thinking of Natalia. My instincts tell me Olivia was thinking those vows are things she would say to Natalia at their wedding. Although Olivia didn’t contribute much to the July 13 episode, having her at the wedding was fitting. In my ideal happy ending, the Bizzie vows and wedding is a foreshadowing of Olivia and Natalia’s happily ever after.

Aftermath of Jeffery’s Death + Olivia = Mostly Unnecessary Scenes

The July 17 episode of Guiding Light gave the impression that the Otalia story line would advance. Olivia was getting Emma ready for camp, and she snapped at her daughter over something trivial. As I watched the Olivia and Emma scenes, I thought that I was going to see something related to Otalia. Well, I guess I did get something related to Otalia…more “broken Olivia” huddled in her bed, crying, and clutching a photo of Natalia, Emma, and herself. Otherwise, Olivia’s scenes had nothing to do with the Otalia story line for the remainder of the episode. Instead, she was crying over Jeffrey’s death and moping with other characters quietly in her scenes.

First, let me say that I really don’t think Olivia was that broken up over Jeffrey’s death. Despite them having a decent relationship, she would not be that heartbroken that Jeffrey died. This man raped her as a teenager after all. Although she and Jeffrey were at a better place, there is no way Olivia would be that upset over his death. I personally feel that Olivia’s head was in such a bad place that she just isn’t thinking clearly. If “fembot Natalia” had not destroyed Olivia emotionally and mentally, she wouldn’t be as upset over Jeffrey’s death. I just don’t believe Olivia would be that hurt about Jeffrey dying. I really think the tears she was crying when Josh delivered the news were reactionary to more bad news in her depressed state. Olivia has had nothing but bad news since “fembot Natalia” replaced “my Natalia” the week of June 29. I believe her tears were more about Natalia than Jeffrey when she spoke with Josh in addition to the remainder of her crying scenes.

Logically, it makes sense for Josh to tell Olivia the news about Jeffrey. Olivia would have to tell Ava – her and Jeffrey’s daughter. Nevertheless, Olivia had no purpose for being in the majority of scenes she had for the July 17 episode. The only exception is when she called Ava from the farmhouse – her place of comfort – to deliver the news of Jeffrey’s death. Otherwise, I felt having Olivia involved in her other scenes just weren’t necessary. It felt like she was being used as a random character for the majority of the July 17 episode. Olivia was just there in scenes, looking depressed every single time, and saying nothing. For me, it was a waste of the character to have her looking broken and remaining silent in her other scenes. There is something called using characters appropriately in scenes. Olivia was misused in my opinion, especially since she’s such a major character. At a maximum, Olivia should have been on twice in the July 17 episode – the beginning and the end.

Final Thoughts

Watching “broken Olivia” is depressing. I understand she is broken because of this illogical “Frankenbaby” angle thanks to “fembot Natalia’s” illogical actions and dialog. However, this unnecessary angst is frustrating me and making me a bit hesitant to watch Guiding Light. I don’t want to watch “broken Olivia” look sullen and look like a wounded puppy the entire time while Natalia is off screen. If Olivia is going to be depressed, the writers should give her some sort of activity to help push her depression aside (at moments) and focus on that while Natalia is gone. A perfect example would have been having her help Rafe out of some trouble. It looked like they could have been heading in this direction when Rafe met up with James Spaulding several weeks ago. For those who are aware, James is the epitome of trouble, and he could have easily set up Rafe in some scheme of his. This type of angle in the Otalia story line would have given Olivia something to focus on other than her depression over Natalia. Olivia could have been the strong parental figure Rafe needed while helping him get out James-related trouble. When Natalia returned, she would have one less thing to worry about dealing with – assuming Rafe would come around after Olivia’s help. Alas, something like that would have made too much sense in the illogical path Guiding Light has taken with Otalia. Other than a brief “Rafertude” where Rafe took a verbal shot at Olivia during the Bizzie wedding, there has been no interaction with Olivia and Rafe. Based on the upcoming previews, it seems like Rafe and Olivia will interact some, but I am expecting nothing but “Rafertudes.”

As this “Frankenbaby” angle unfolds, it is starting to look like Jill Lorie Hurst and Ellen Wheeler did not have a good story line for Olivia either. Once again, I have to wonder why that is. I’m sure Jessica Leccia gave them plenty of notice when she found out she was pregnant. As I said in last week’s post, there was plenty of time to write off the Natalia character properly. There was also plenty of time to write something for the Olivia character aside from “broken Olivia.”

The cynical soap fan in me is wondering if the writing for Guiding Light is in “I give up” mode. It’s starting to look like realization set in that Guiding Light would not be picked up, and the fallout from it is being reflected in the writing. To me, the writing started taking a dark, depressive turn when Phillip Spaulding found out he was dying. Another key indicator was when Olivia looked so shattered during the Bauer BBQ thanks to “fembot Natalia.” At this point, the writing seems to mostly be going through the motions (via autopilot) until the show ends September 18. Who knows? The writing could pick back up again, but I’m starting to have my doubts. The stuff going on right now with Otalia is why I always had the faith of a mustard seed in Jill Lorie Hurst and Ellen Wheeler. Again, I’m not surprised that Otalia derailed. I’m a long time soap fan who sees this kind of thing happen with all couples I love. However, it is disappointing to me the more I see what’s happening (or not happening) with the Otalia story line. This story line was nearly flawless, and I hate to see it flame out the way it has with this stupid “Frankenbaby” angle.

Perhaps next week’s Guiding Light episodes will give me something other than “broken Olivia,” but at this point, I’m not expecting anything to change. Right now, the Otalia story line is on the “fail bus” because of this “Frankenbaby” angle. I hope Otalia can get off at the bus stop and hop on the “win bus” by giving the fans a happy ending. If the writers give me “my Natalia” back, write like your life depends on it (my personal motto), and do everything I suggested (and more), I would be satisfied. Will I get that? I don’t know. I will just have to wait and see.

Note: If you comment and choose to leave a spoiler, please identify it in advance with the word “spoiler,” or even separate it out to alert me that a spoiler is coming. I read everyone’s comments, but if I see the word “spoiler,” I stop reading at that point. Again, I have my process to make the magic happen with these Otalia posts. Thanks everyone for your continued love and support!