My maternal grandmother is the sole reason why I am a soap opera fan. When I was a child, my grandmother was my primary caretaker while my parents worked. I feel pretty confident that as a baby, my grandmother cradled me in her arms and had me watching “her stories” right along with her. As I grew up a bit and entered my pre-school years, I remember my grandmother bringing me home early. After fixing me something to eat, she would place my little mini rocking chair next to her own rocking chair. We would then watch the CBS soap operas together. Like many children who grew up with a soap opera watcher, I didn’t like to watch soaps. I would rather watch PBS programming (i.e. Mr. Rogers, Sesame Street, etc.) than the soaps. Granted, my grandmother would turn on the educational TV programs for me to watch, but she had to see her stories. As a result, I watched them right along with her. I have many vivid and fond memories of soap operas as a child. Many of those came from the Guiding Light.

My earliest memories of the Guiding Light came from the 1980s. At that time, I was old enough to understand the characters and stories being told. I started identifying who the families of Springfield were such as the Spauldings, the Bauers, the Raineses, the Lewises, and the Reardons. Naturally, I gravitated towards the characters I liked, and during the 1980s, I specifically loved watching the Four Musketeers – Phillip Spaulding, Rick Bauer, Mindy Lewis, and Beth Raines. The Four Musketeers were some of my favorites of the younger cast members, but I also liked Brandon “Lujack” Spaulding and later on, Alan-Michael Spaulding. Nevertheless, I primarily loved the older characters on the Guiding Light.

Several iconic Guiding Light characters made a huge impression on me as a child, and they include Alexandra Spaulding, Reva Shayne, Josh Lewis, and Vanessa Chamberlain.

Alexandra Spaulding

My favorite portrayal of Alexandra Spaulding is the one played by Beverlee McKinsey. She was the epitome of a cool as ice blonde in her portrayal of Alexandra. Everything about her gave me the impression that Alexandra was class, elegance, sophistication, and of course, a snob. As a child, I was aware that I should root for the good guy and boo the bad guy. However, I found myself rooting for Alexandra for the most part. She did some things that I didn’t like at times; yet, I couldn’t help but like Alexandra. I waited with anticipation for her to grace my TV screen. I loved watching Alexandra fight with Blake Thorpe and deliver cutting insults in a cool as a cucumber manner. Even though I was surprised to discover Lujack was Alexandra’s son, I enjoyed watching her win him over with the patience of Job. Later, I would be baffled to discover that Lujack had a twin – Nick McHenry – that Alexandra didn’t seem to remember bringing into this world (due to being drugged). I watched her snake her way into Nick’s life, and while she did some unforgivable things to Nick, I still had some sympathy for Alexandra. I grew alarmed for Alexandra when she was romantically involved with the evil Roger Thorpe, and I was relieved when she disentangled herself from his life. Unfortunately, she would still collaborate with the villainous Roger Thorpe at times to my utter dismay.

Beverlee McKinsey’s portrayal of the character was the sole reason why I loved Alexandra Spaulding. I consider Alexandra as the template of another iconic character on another soap opera – Stephanie Forrester on The Bold & the Beautiful. Whenever I watch Stephanie, I see shades of McKinsey’s Alexandra Spaulding in her epic battles with Brooke Logan Forrester. Believe me, McKinsey’s Alexandra is not a bad template to be modeled after by any means.

Reva Shayne

I associate two iconic things with Reva Shayne – her Tina Turner impression and the “slut of Springfield” declaration. As a child, one of the things that made me like Reva was her Tina Turner imitation and of course, the hair. I was a huge Tina Turner fan, and I immediately noticed the similar styling of Reva’s hair to Tina’s 1980s hair. Hey, I was pretty easy to satisfy as a child. Having Tina Turner’s hair and having her do a Tina imitation made Reva cool to me.

Nevertheless, the infamous “slut of Springfield” scene is the one thing that made me adore her. Of all of the Reva Shayne scenes I’ve seen over the years, nothing is more iconic than the “slut of Springfield” scene. I was a child, and I didn’t quite know what a slut was; however, I knew it sounded pretty bad. I just remember feeling pretty amazed that she stripped out of clothes, stepped into a fountain, and baptized herself the slut of Springfield. When I rewatch that memorable scene today, it was just as amazing as I remembered it.

Throughout the years, I followed Reva Shayne’s many exploits. I got angry when she had affairs with and/or married everyone except “her Joshua.” I felt happiness when she finally pulled it together and reconnected with Josh Lewis. Her zesty attitude made me smile and cheer her. At times, she even baffled me (i.e. when she was an Amish woman). Nevertheless, I always had love in my heart for Springfield’s number one vixen.

Josh Lewis

For me, there is no Reva Shayne without Josh Lewis. The two go hand in hand, and they are the epitome of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with the crusts cut off – heaven.

Just like Reva, my most memorable moments of Josh involved the “slut of Springfield” scene. Josh’s reactions to her teasing and taunts are just as powerful in that scene as Reva’s. He was a bitter and paralyzed man who was furious yet so deeply in love because he’d lost Reva – to his father. While I liked Josh well enough, it wasn’t until Reva showed up that his character really connected with me. Josh grew into a dashing hero and was someone I just rooted for.

Similar to Reva, I followed Josh through his many romantic relationships. I did like some romantic pairings outside of Reva, and as a kid, I felt a little guilty – like I was betraying my love of Josh and Reva. However, I always knew that Reva was “the one” for him. I never stopped liking Josh. I might not have liked some of the things he did, but he is one character that continued to bring me joy when watching.

Vanessa Chamberlain

If Reva Shayne was the “slut of Springfield,” then Vanessa Chamberlain was the lady to Reva’s tramp. Oh, Vanessa wasn’t a pure and perfect woman by any means. She did her share of man chasing but in a way that was different from the more flashy and flamboyant Reva Shayne. Vanessa managed to exhibit elegance and grace in the way she carried herself. I always felt like I was watching royalty whenever she was on my screen. Perhaps the fur coats, high heels, and fabulous jewelry had something to do with it as well.

While Vanessa was on my radar, I can’t say I was truly a big fan of hers until she got involved with Harlan “Billy” Lewis. Billy’s “rough and uncouth” cowboy ways tamed the shrew, which was something I enjoyed watching every second of. Billy might have been different from her world of sophistication and class, yet I think that’s what made him so appealing to Vanessa in the end. Watching Vanessa battle and ultimately succumb to her attraction is what endeared her to me. I felt like her love for Billy changed her and made me see her in a different light.

Although Vanessa would eventually separate from Billy, I kept watching my favorite sophisticated lady. Like Josh and Reva, I always wanted Vanessa back with Billy…until Matt Reardon. Honestly, I never felt like Billy Lewis had true competition for Vanessa’s heart until Matt entered the picture.

During this time, my interest in Guiding Light was waning a bit, and I wasn’t keeping up as much with the show. It was the promo for Matt and Vanessa that intrigued me and made me a more faithful watcher. Before cougar story lines became popular, Vanessa was one of the first female characters to fall for and marry a younger man. Unlike many current cougar story lines, Vanessa’s relationship with Matt was told in a way that made you feel like these two were truly, deeply in love. I know some Vanessa and Billy fans might stone me, but I would have preferred Vanessa and Matt sailing off into the sunset as a couple when Guiding Light ended. Vanessa and Matt’s story line remains as one of my favorites on the Guiding Light. Nevertheless, I understand why the show paired Vanessa and Billy back together. It makes sense to reunite Vanessa with the man who tamed her for any other man afterwards.

The Dimming of the Light

After the Matt and Vanessa romance, I tuned out of Guiding Light. At the time, I was watching a number of soap operas outside of the CBS network. Shows like Days of Our Lives and One Life to Live had captured my interest. Because of the number of soap operas I was watching in the 1990s, I had to cut out the underperformers. As a result, Guiding Light became a casualty. I wasn’t completely out of the loop on what occurred on the show, however. Around the time I tuned out, both of my younger brothers were still tuning in. They would fill me in on some of the characters I grew up watching, so I wasn’t living in a complete void when it came to Guiding Light. Although both brothers encouraged me to watch one particular story line – Phillip Spaulding and Harley Cooper – I never did. By the late 1990s, I felt confident that I would not watch Guiding Light again.

A Surprising Return & the Extinguishing of the Light

If you’ve been a follower of my blog for several months, then you’re aware that one story line (Otalia) brought me back to Guiding Light in January 2009. Before I started watching again, I knew that the Guiding Light I left behind in the early 1990s was not the same show. I had heard many things about Guiding Light’s much maligned “reality TV” production model. I was mentally prepared for the change, and I knew it was going to be different. However, I still couldn’t help but be a bit shocked at the show’s look when I started watching again. The hand cameras and lack of sets of Guiding Light’s production model bothered me for many months. I admittedly struggled with the production model (until portions of it clicked with me in late summer 2009). I just tried to ignore the look and feel of the show, and I wanted to focus on the stories.

I enjoyed getting caught up on what happened to the characters/families I remembered – the Coopers, the Lewises, the Spauldings, etc. I also discovered new characters that I was unaware of like Bill Lewis, Lizzie Spaulding, Dinah Marler, and James Spaulding. Alas, just as I was settling into Guiding Light again, CBS announced that it was cancelled on April 1, 2009.

The cancellation announcement wasn’t a shocker to me. I was aware that Guiding Light had been struggling shortly after I stopped watching in the 1990s. Nevertheless, the actual cancellation notice was sad when I heard about it. Aside from the fact that the show played a large part of my childhood, there are some ironic coincidences with Guiding Light’s cancellation and death on the airwaves.

I talked about how my maternal grandmother is the reason why I watched soap operas. Oddly enough, some key things really strike a personal note with me regarding Guiding Light and my grandmother.

Ironic Coincidence #1

I stopped watching the Guiding Light full time in (late) 1993. In 1993, my maternal grandmother died of a massive heart attack.

Ironic Coincidence #2

Guiding Light’s cancellation was announced in April 2009. My maternal grandmother died in the month of April – the 16^th to be exact.

Ironic Coincidence #3

At 72 years old, Guiding Light was extinguished from the airwaves and it died. My maternal grandmother died when she was 72 years old.

These ironic coincidences are another saddening factor in Guiding Light’s demise for me. While I had disagreements with the show since July 2009 and I was dissatisfied with many aspects of story lines, it is still sad to see it die. When I saw the words “The End” on the last episode, it really hit me that I will never see a new episode of Guiding Light again. It was a sobering moment to realize that an American institution is dead.

I mourn the loss of a show that played an important part of my childhood. I will especially miss old Guiding Light characters that I grew up watching. I will miss new characters that I enjoyed once I returned to the show. I will miss getting angry when the show did something to annoy me. I will miss feeling happy when the show did something I loved.

To everyone who was involved with Guiding Light over the decades, I want to simply say thank you. Good luck, God speed, and goodbye.

The week of May 4 was an interesting roller coaster ride for Otalia. I was “buckled up” in my roller coaster harness, and I was ready for the twists, turns, loops, joy, thrills, and fear that Guiding Light would offer me with my favorite couple. I’m glad I was ready because the week of May 4 was everything a roller coaster ride should be.

After watching the Guiding Light episodes for the week of April 27, I knew that Olivia and Natalia would finally have a confrontation with Frank Cooper this week. Once Frank was alone with Olivia in the hospital room, he made it clear who was responsible for his aborted wedding to Natalia. Basing his assessment on Olivia’s past behavior, I found it completely believable for Frank to think she stole Natalia away from him, that she’d clouded Natalia’s mind with her sensuality. Unfortunately, Frank’s mind is clouded with pain right now because he’s hurt, and he’s been emasculated over Natalia’ and Olivia’s betrayal. At the moment, all Frank can see is the “bad Olivia” and not the person she has become. Even he acknowledged in past episodes that Natalia had a good effect on Olivia and that the lifestyle at the farmhouse had changed her. Olivia has become selfless, and Frank just doesn’t realize how much she was willing to give up just for Natalia’s happiness. Even though his “just like Olivia” point of view is understandable, it bothers me that Frank thinks so badly of Olivia. After all, she is 100% responsible for any successes he’s had with Natalia. Lest we forget, it was Olivia who clued him in on Natalia’s needs and desires since late 2008. Moreover, to be quite “frank,” he wouldn’t have ever gotten any of Natalia’s goodies if it weren’t for Olivia. I am positive that Natalia slept with Frank to prove her growing feelings for Olivia weren’t real. Olivia has been nurturing his courtship with Natalia from beginning to end, and he wouldn’t have ever made it anywhere, much less to the alter without her. Even when Natalia became a runaway bride, Olivia still encouraged the marriage. Regardless of what he did and didn’t know about Olivia’s role, Frank was on a one-way path. Everything was Olivia’s fault, and Natalia was just another one of her victims. That’s why I was relieved when Natalia walked in on their conversation and stopped him because I was getting angrier with Frank to the point of disgust.

I felt Natalia’s explanation to Frank where she revealed why she couldn’t marry him was past due. However, I have to look at the special circumstances around her situation, especially after re-watching the May 4 episode and past episodes. Natalia had a difficult time acknowledging her feelings for Olivia to herself, and she just acknowledged those feelings to Olivia. She’s still in the process of reconciling her feelings for Olivia with her religious views. Then there’s her son, Rafe, who is still clueless about her feelings. I’m sure Rafe’s reaction is weighing in the back of Natalia’s mind, just as I’m sure she’s still trying to figure out how to tell him. Having to acknowledge those feelings to Frank would cause her yet another dilemma. This is Natalia’s first time discussing her feelings to someone other herself, God, and Olivia. I put myself in Natalia’s shoes by looking at it from her point of view. Once I did, I understood why having that conversation with Frank was something she’d want to put off for as long as she could. Considering everything she’s dealing with, I was glad that Natalia accepted her share of the blame in hurting Frank and breaking off their engagement. Even though I felt Olivia would have gladly accepted the blame to protect Natalia, I was happy that Natalia was finally honest. When Natalia told Frank that what she felt for Olivia wasn’t harmful or sinful, I watched the expression on Olivia’s face. I’m quite sure that Olivia has been called harmful and sinful since she landed in Springfield. I truly believe that Olivia fell deeper in love with Natalia at that moment. She has someone who loves her, understands her, and sees her for who she truly is behind the facade. Knowing that, I found Olivia and Natalia’s discussion about their feelings very telling after Frank stormed out of the hospital room.

Olivia asking for reassurances about whether or not they will move forward was another one of those vulnerable moments I’m enjoying with the character. The vulnerability, fear, and even stress are evident in Olivia’s facial expression and voice when she’s talking with Natalia on the May 4 episode. When I studied Olivia’s face and reactions, I feel like although she knows Natalia loves her, she’s very unsure of herself and her ability to hold onto Natalia. Having Natalia’s heart is one thing, but I’m sure she’s remembering something I remember when it comes to Natalia. Earlier this year, Olivia had a conversation with a bartender about Natalia, which is where she finally acknowledged (aloud) her attraction to Natalia. When the bartender discovered Natalia was religious, she suggested that Olivia walk away before she gets hurt. Somewhere in the back of her mind, I’m positive Olivia is reliving that conversation. It explains some of Olivia’s hesitation, stress, and behavior when it comes to her relationship with Natalia now. Ultimately, I think Olivia was asking for these assurances before she falls deeper and before drowns totally and irrevocably in Natalia Rivera. However, deep down, Olivia knows it’s too late. Even when Natalia tells her they will figure out how to be together during their getaway, the smile on Olivia’s face was slow, hesitant, and careful. She wants to believe, but she is fearful that the bartender’s words will become reality one day.

Watching Olivia and Natalia make arrangements for their getaway contained a few thrills for me, and it wasn’t  just about the continued flirtatious glances between these two. The writers answered some questions I had as a viewer in addition to questions Olivia and Natalia had for each other about this getaway. Would they have one or two rooms? How would they act around each other when they arrived at their mountain spa retreat? I found it quite enjoyable to watch Olivia’s and then Natalia’s reaction to the question about rooms. Their facial expressions and hesitation definitely showed things aren’t like they use to be. They are looking at everything with fresh eyes now that they have admitted their feelings, and simple questions become complicated questions. As for how they should act, I couldn’t believe that the mighty Olivia Spencer grew flustered at Natalia’s question! I didn’t know Olivia was capable of being flustered, especially over simple (yet complicated) questions. In the end, I agreed with Olivia’s suggestion to do whatever comes naturally. Both Olivia and Natalia have been doing what comes naturally when it comes to touching each other, but I don’t think they’re always conscious that they’re doing it.

As the May 5 episode started with Olivia packing clothes for their spa retreat, I was more than ready to take a trip with Otalia to see where this journey would lead. Olivia’s response to Emma that they couldn’t go back (to the farmhouse) but could try something new was music to my ears. I was optimistic for the spa retreat because I wanted to see if I would get something new with Otalia. Well, I definitely got “something old and something new, something borrowed and something blue” with the May 5 and May 6 episodes.

“Something Old”

I saw the availability of the one room miles away…way before I watched the Guiding Light previews. I figured a one room scenario was a high possibility when I watched the April 27-May 1 episodes. It’s classic soap opera cliché to book two rooms and result in having one room when they arrive; however, I didn’t mind its usage for Otalia. I wanted to see how they would deal with their enforced intimacy now that they’ve acknowledged their feelings. With this couple, I am willing to be a little forgiving because the writers have done a great job of not using every soap opera cliché in the book when writing for Otalia. If anything, the writers have been good about avoiding it.

“Something New”

Forget Olivia and Natalia’s first mutual kiss. I finally got the Otalia love scene I’ve been waiting for! No, I’m not losing my mind. There was a love scene between Olivia and Natalia. You just have to look where I looked to find it. Let me present my observations.

Foreplay – Olivia and Natalia started the foreplay with the hand lotion scene on the May 5 episode. Olivia was definitely aware of Natalia in a sexual way, something that Natalia also felt judging by her quick but telling glance towards Olivia before releasing her hand. The foreplay continued with the flirtatious, loving, and smoldering gazes they directed at each other on the massage chairs.

Intercourse – Near the end of the May 5 episode, the pair started arguing over Natalia’s “one step forward, two steps back” dialog. This of course was prompted by Natalia’s “if we’re a couple” statement that Olivia obviously took exception with judging by her reaction. This argument continued into the beginning of the May 6 episode. Their “frantic” suitcase packing scene on the bed and explosive yelling was a smorgasbord of sexual frustration that had only one outcome.

Climax – Both Olivia and Natalia reached a peak in their yelling when Olivia turned to leave the room with her luggage. Afterward, both Natalia and Olivia seem to stop arguing at the same time. They both realized they were arguing senselessly, mainly due to fear. “Release” is all I have to say about that. I noticed Olivia’s obvious shortness of breath as she tells Natalia that she doesn’t want to argue. I’m glad they got it out of their systems.

This may not have been a traditional love scene by everyone’s standards, but that’s definitely how I saw some aspects of the May 5 and May 6 episodes.

“Something Borrowed”

It seems that the Guiding Light is borrowing from real life again with the, um… “purple blocking” by Blake’s intrusion in Olivia’s and Natalia’s alone time. I nearly died laughing at Olivia’s expression when she was lounging on the massage chair. Blake was oblivious to the fact that she was “purple blocking” Olivia and Natalia. Of course, I immediately knew what was going on, and I felt Olivia knew it too from her facial expressions. She looked like she was seconds away at times from telling Blake where she should go. Once again, I have to give it up to Crystal Chappell because she played that scene out perfectly with her facial expressions. Even though I feel Olivia is more of a sexually experienced character than Natalia, it became evident that Natalia noticed the “purple blocking,” too. The scene between Natalia, Olivia, and Blake was quite comical yet frustrating; however, I enjoyed it immensely.

I can roll with one hysterical instance of “purple blocking” but two? The scene where Emma showed up at the spa resort (tip: sack Jane, Olivia and find another nanny) went into to the unbelievable category for me. While I was laughing at this scene as well, I was laughing for a different reason. Up until now, Jill Lorie Hurst and Ellen Wheeler have been doing a great job telling the Otalia storyline. The “purple blocking” with Emma went overboard and one step past what I could accept, especially after I just finished dealing with Blake doing the same. I felt that Emma’s intrusion was an unneeded torture device for Otalia fans.

“Something Blue”

I noticed that blue must be the “in” color right now. Natalia, Olivia, Blake, and even Emma were wearing something blue on the May 5 and May 6 episodes. For an upcoming preview, I also noticed that Natalia and Olivia are wearing matching blue colors as they pack and get ready to return to Springfield. The visionary aspect of Guiding Light’s usage of so much blue peaked my interest. As a result, I did some digging around and found an interesting reference to the color blue.

Blue in Christianity is associated with the clothing of heavenly figures, most commonly (especially in the Catholic tradition) that of Saint Mary. Ironically, it also has connections with the deadly sin of lust. (Reference: Wikipedia)

I think that explains it all for me. If this was Guiding Light’s intention with the blue colors Natalia and Olivia are wearing, I must say that it was downright brilliant!

While I enjoyed pretty much everything I’d watched in the May 5 episode and most of the May 6 episode, the end of the May 6 episode gave me outright anxiety. The cynical and writer part of my brain went into overdrive. I was so worried by the things Olivia and Natalia were saying to each other that I wrote a special edition post. I felt like the Otalia train had jumped the tracks and was charging towards a collision when I finished the May 6 episode. In a nutshell, I was worried that the Otalia storyline was going to die. Since I wrote that post, I have received several user comments to relieve my fears over May 6th’s Otalia dialog. I have re-watched that episode a few times, and I still feel unsure about Otalia’s future. These are two main reasons why I feel that way:

1. It’s Hard to Have Faith in Soaps Now – Many of commenters have asked me to have faith in Jill Lorie  Hurst and Ellen Wheeler about the Otalia storyline. I have been a soap opera fan all my life, and I have been burned so many times by writers and execs that have destroyed the genre for the past 10 years. I’m not saying that Jill Lorie Hurst or Ellen Wheeler will do that with Otalia because they are doing a great job. However, when I watch soaps I love use to love deteriorate right before my eyes, it’s difficult to have faith in the “powers that be” and writers. I have watched soap execs and head writers insist they’re behind a story line “100%,” but then they switch lanes without any consideration of what the fans want because they don’t care what we want. It is very difficult for me to be optimistic about the soap opera genre now because nearly all soaps are going to hell in hand basket. It’s also very painful to watch soaps go downhill because I have stuck with this genre through the good times, the bad times, and the “great depression” that it’s now become. However, I want to believe in Guiding Light with Otalia. I have the faith of a mustard seed right now. That is better than nothing.

2. I Avoid Spoilers – I have no idea what’s coming up on Guiding Light and with Otalia other than what I see on previews at the end of each episode. I don’t want to know because I like to be surprised. I would not be able to write these Otalia posts the way that I do if I read or knew about spoilers. My reactions have to be genuine and untainted when I watch Guiding Light. I have a very intricate process that I follow when writing these Otalia pieces, which I will explain to everyone in an upcoming post. I know some of the Otalia fans have tried to soothe my fears after the May 6 episode by mentioning spoilers, but I don’t read anything when I see the word “spoiler.” To avoid spoilers in soap opera-related podcasts, I have to stay at least two weeks behind on episodes (to be [a bit] on the safe side). While I could soothe my fears easily by seeking out spoilers, I need to watch Otalia with a blank canvas every day. All I can say is that it’s a writer thing that some of you may not understand.

Despite fears that warranted an Olivia Spencer special of “pancakes and Valium,” I managed to see some light to the Otalia story line in the May 6 episode. Even with the alarming dialog they exchanged sometimes, Otalia’s gazes and touches betray that they are couple, even though they haven’t decided that they are one. The writers also managed to steer Emma’s “purple blocking” appearance at the spa back on course. Watching Olivia, Natalia, and Emma interact like a family reminded me of their time at the farmhouse (particularly the January 2009 episodes).

I also re-analyzed and looked at the May 6 Otalia dialog from another angle. I really think Olivia gave Natalia some food for thought when she said she doesn’t want to play games. Call it instinct, but I feel this was a major statement for Olivia to make. Out of all the relationships she’s had, I really feel like Olivia wants to get this one right more than any other relationship. I could see Natalia churning over Olivia’s words in her mind, and I noticed the expression on Natalia’s face as Olivia’s words sank in. I think Natalia is starting to realize her “one step forward, two steps back” dance over that threshold between friends and romantic partner cannot continue indefinitely. While I felt Olivia has been the most vulnerable one in this journey and the one with the most to lose, the pendulum swung towards Natalia’s direction this week. I felt that Natalia has had the upper hand over the past few weeks when it comes to Olivia, but by the end of the May 6 episode, Olivia reclaimed some of that power. It was a nice shift executed by the writers by giving Olivia just enough power but not too much. My fear was that Olivia would be too dominate over Natalia’s character in this relationship. Fortunately, the writers have been getting it just right. They throttled back Olivia’s dominant nature and allowed Natalia to play this aspect of their relationship beautifully.

While I have been loving everything Guiding Light has been doing with Otalia for weeks, I had to question the logic in showing an Otalia preview for May 7 yet not showing any of the Otalia story line on May 7. Guiding Light…I love you. You are like family to me. Being that we are family, I have to ask, why would you show me a preview for something on May 6 that I won’t see until the week of May 11? I would watch even if there were no Otalia, but please don’t build up my expectations like that. Mmm kay? I’m glad we had this chat.

Returning to a positive note, I must applaud the sensory pleasing usage of colors in the Otalia scenes at the spa. I found the color coordination simply beautiful. As I re-watched the May 5 and May 6 episodes, my eyes would stray from Otalia (as hard as that is to imagine) in order to soak in everything about their surroundings. It felt like Olivia and Natalia were a part of a beautiful floral centerpiece that made me feel happy. It was a very nice effort by the Guiding Light, and I would like for Natalia to give everyone involved a cookie on my behalf. As Natalia said in the January 13, 2009 episode, “You deserve it.”

Note: If you comment and choose to leave a spoiler, please identify it in advance with the word “spoiler,” or even separate it out to alert me that a spoiler is coming. I read everyone’s comments, but if I see the word “spoiler,” I stop reading at that point. Again, I have my process to make the magic happen with these Otalia posts. Thanks everyone for your continued love and support!

I’m a big documentary fan who has grown to love Netflix’s collection of documentaries over the past few months. With the availability of the streaming service, I often “pull up a chair” to my PC and watch films/documentaries. In fact, I’m a sucker for documentaries, and after watching Overnight (great film) and another documentary recently, Netflix recommended Fall From Grace. After quickly reading the description, I became curious, added it to my instant queue, and began to watch something that totally blew my mind.

Fall from Grace discusses Fred Phelps (and his family clan) who is a fiery “old school” Baptist minister that preaches against gays/lesbians in Topeka, Kansas. And believe me, the word “preaches” is putting it way too nicely. Phelps, cocks, locks, and continuously reloads a giant bazooka gun filled with anti-gay messages – one that he fires off at every opportunity he gets from the pulpit of his church, Westboro Baptist Church. As the film unfolds, I’m surprised and often appalled at his ranting and raving, dropping the word “fag” in his hate-laced sermons as often as other ministers use “Jesus” or “God” in their sermons. But it gets worse…a lot worse.

Fred’s family – his children and grandchildren – take their anti-gay message to the street…literally. With colorful signs that read hateful messages I don’t want to share, Fred and his family put on anti-gay demonstrations around the world. They march, they yell at the top of their lungs about how “God hates the fags,” and they even drag the American flag on the ground because they believe “the gays are in control of the country and thus, ruining it.” It’s bad enough that Fred and his family target gays/lesbians with their hate-filled messages and signs, but they also target soldiers who fight and/or die in Iraq and Afghanistan by demonstrating at the funerals of dead soldiers. Why? Well, you watch the film and try to figure that one out because I’m still scratching my head over that one. While the Phelps’ have the right to protest, there is a way to get your message out without using disgusting signs that will completely polarize you. Yes, the signs definitely get your attention, which is what Fred wants, but the anti-gay hate and “death to the soldiers” messages are so dehumanizing and disrespectful. There is a better way to state your message without making people want to jump you.

What’s most sad to watch in the film are Fred’s grandchildren. Simply put, he has indoctrinated his grandchildren (and children) with anti-gay hate. While watching interviews of the younger children, it’s clear they don’t really know why they hate gays and lesbians based on their responses. Children just repeat what they hear, and it really made me personally upset to hear the things these kids said. They don’t really know why they think they feel that way. They don’t really know why they’re carrying hateful signs that hurt people. They can’t know what they’re doing is wrong because they’re in a dysfunctional environment that won’t teach them anything but hate. And it’s sad to see that well after Fred Phelps is long gone, his message will continue through the generations of his children (sans several who snapped out of it) and grandchildren.

Fall from Grace also has a handful of interviews from other individuals – a scholar, a minister, figures in Topeka who dealt directly with the Phelps’, and a soldier’s wife, for example. Largely, you get these individual’s perspective (an opposite one) on the Phelps clan. It’s clear some of these individuals are disgusted with what the Phelps’ do by watching their expressions and hearing the weariness in their voices. For me, it was a relief to see these people when they were onscreen because the Phelps’ fiery anti-gay hate messages are emotionally draining and upsetting. Seriously, I was unsure if I would be able to finish the documentary at times; however, watching this film was like watching a train wreck. You want to look away because you see what’s coming, but you can’t take your eyes away from the carnage.

Of course, anti-gay messages are nothing new as many churches, especially in the South, preach against homosexuality. Growing up as a Christian and raised in a Christian home in the South, I was taught that homosexuality was wrong and that gays and lesbians will burn in hell for eternity. Despite what I’d heard in the church as a child, I was fortunate enough to be open minded and didn’t blindly accept everything I heard. I never had gay/lesbian friends that were out growing up, but I had one friend later in high school that I knew was gay but never came out to me. I understand his decision to keep his sexuality hidden in school as kids can definitely be mean. Even when I realized he was closeted in high school, I didn’t end my friendship with him or look at him as a “sinner who will burn in hell.” I did not judge him. He was still my friend that I liked and respected, and his sexual preference was of no consequence to me. You see, I was also taught something else in the church: that it wasn’t my place to judge anyone and that it was God’s place. I’m not going to condemn someone else because they sleep with another man (or woman) and they’re the same sex. I personally don’t care who you’re with as long as you’re happy.

As a Christian who has “fallen from grace” by not attending institutionalized churches anymore, I was deeply offended by the things I heard/saw in this documentary. In fact, it made me downright ashamed and saddened. I was ashamed because I hate the fact that the Phelps’ call themselves Christians; they’re a vicious cult. I was saddened because I really don’t want some gays and lesbians thinking that all Christians feel that way. While some may feel similarly to Phelp’s (minus the straight-talking hate message) about gays/lesbians and how they’re an abomination against God, I’m not one of them. I follow one simple rule: what would Jesus do? And I’d like to think that Jesus would not want Christians or non-Christians to go around hating or condemning people because they have same sex partners. Maybe it’s because I associate with and formed friendships with many gay/lesbian individuals over the years. Maybe it’s because my gay and lesbian friends/associates are just good people who have been there for me just as much as my straight friends have. Maybe it’s because I don’t concern myself with who they’re sleeping with at night because it just doesn’t matter. I just know that the Phelp’s vices for getting their message out should offend any Christian who follows the “what would Jesus do?” principle.

I just want to say one final thing to the gay/lesbian community out there. Jesus also said we should love one another and I do, no matter who you are. As a Christian who is probably a lot more open minded than others, I support you in your civil rights quest. I understand your needs for equality, and I fully support that in every way. If I burn in hell for supporting you, then so be it. I guess we’ll just be in hell together, but I really don’t want to believe gays/lesbians will burn for simply being who there are. Being gay or a lesbian never hurt anybody – unlike killers, rapists, and morally bankrupt people who do evil and spread collateral damage (like Bernard Madoff). 

You can check out Fall from Grace via Netflix. Good luck on not throwing things when Fred Phelps and his children spew hateful venom.

I have been staying tuned to the constant news of an economic bust where people are losing homes, jobs, and retirement savings. In my city, there is a definite squeeze where costs are being cut to try and avoid some job losses. In some cases, it isn’t because of a lack of revenue; it’s to save money for a nuclear winter in the event that money is not available in the future. It’s a mode that many businesses are operating under, and from my radar, it’s most visible in the tech sector.

While I don’t pay attention to tech blogs like I use to, I still hear about the effects of the down economy on tech companies, primarily Silicon Valley startups, via my regular tech podcasts. One company that was recently affected was Revision3, a new media company that focuses on IPTV shows. On October 27, Revision3′s CEO, Jim Louderback, announced show cuts and layoffs, which included axing popSiren, Internet Superstar, and Pixel Perfect. Later, the GigaOm Show and The Revision3 Gazette were also canceled from Revision3′s lineup after the original blog post. Revision3 also ended its distribution deals with Wine Library TV and EPIC FU and laid off approximately 10 of their staff, which included popular hosts Sarah Lane and Martin Sargent. This wasn’t a surprising move to me since many startups are announcing cuts. What also wasn’t surprising was the comments left by Revision3 “fans” on the blog post and message boards.

The familiar toxic environment that I grew tired of at the Digg community spilled over to Revision3, which is unsurprising considering Digg’s Kevin Rose and Jay Adelson are two of Revision3′s founders. Many commenters started off berating Louderback’s “crazy” decision to axe the wrong shows before they eventually starting denouncing the man himself. The mob then turned their attacks on Rose for “hanging Sarah Lane out on a limb” by promoting their joint appearance on an upcoming Digg Reel via the TWiT podcast. They seem to think that Rose knew that Lane would be getting laid off yet promoted a joint appearance on the number one tech podcast. While I don’t know Rose, I find it hard to believe he would embarrass himself, Lane, and his company by promoting their appearance on TWiT if he knew she would be laid off the next day. Now, is it possible Rose knew cuts were coming? Probably, but it doesn’t mean he knew who would be getting cut until the Revision3 board made their decisions. The tidal wave of backlash coming at Rose even prompted him to make an official post on his blog and not just his Twitter feed. After the mob ceased their attacks on Rose, they once again turned on Louderback and some of the recent business decisions at Revision3. It is the latter that I will focus on.

After sifting through the noise, I finally found some comments that I agreed with. Those comments include Revision3′s decision to build a studio in San Francisco and allegedly make shows relocate their production there (to use the new studio) or get canceled. When I watched Lane show off Revision3′s construction efforts on their studio (in a Revision3 Gazette episode), I was surprised that they were spending their venture capital money on that. I felt that building a studio at such an early stage of the company was unnecessary. In hindsight, it seems that Revision3 may be regretting it as well since they’re renting it out and only producing a couple of shows (Tekzilla, Systm, and the Digg Reel) in the studio at this point. Had Revision3 not built a studio, perhaps they could have retained the people and/or shows they had to cut. Shows like the Totally Rad Show (taped in a garage in Los Angeles) and EPIC FU (taped in a room in Los Angeles) prove that you don’t need a studio to produce a really good show. New media viewers won’t care where a show is produced as long as it has good content, good hosts, and is edited professionally. This is something that Revision3 seemed to understand in the early days of its life but forgot over the past year with the launch and failure of several new shows.

Under Louderback, Revision3 was growing and expanding fast with a goal to launch new shows each quarter. I found this goal ambitious but flawed. Instead of launching new shows every quarter to find out if one (or none) would stick, I think Revision3 should have focused on making the shows that were doing well better. I have watched some of the new shows under Louderback’s reign and found some pointless and/or tweaked copycats of shows they already had. Sometimes, less really is more. I’d rather have a smaller stable of well-produced shows with good and distinctive content over a large number of shows with bland or overused hosts and redundant/pointless content.

I also found that a few of the show hosts just weren’t good on-screen personalities – a must if you want people watch a weekly video podcast. This is one of the reasons why I think Revision3 should have stayed in Los Angeles. There are plenty of out of work (or trying to work) actors/actresses, cameramen, editors, etc. looking for gigs, and Revision3 would have had a bigger and better selection than what’s available in San Francisco (based on some of the hosts/editors, etc. they’ve had). While I enjoy some Revision3 shows, some of the camera work and editing has an unprofessional slant written all over them. This was fine when Revision3 was still a very small operation without office space and only had a few shows. However, if they want to convince the rest of the world that they’re the next hot thing in new media, then they need to show it by hiring professionals with experience. Hint: if Steve has camera/editing friends, hire them.

I have been cheering for Revision3 ever since I discovered Diggnation in 2006, but over the past year, the little IPTV company that could took a wrong turn with unnecessary spending and odd business decisions. Hopefully, they’ll get back on track after learning some hard lessons on what not to do to avoid repeating the same mistakes.

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• Where Revision3′s Social Brew Went Wrong

First, I want to say that I’m not some communism-loving fanatic. I love democracy, even though I don’t think a democratic government can work for some countries and cultures (Iraq, for instance). Like most kids, I was taught that communism was a bad form of government in school, which is not surprising since I grew up during the height of the Cold War era (the Regan years). My classmates and I were taught that the U.S.S.R. along with any other country with a communist government was not our friend. However, I have also learned not to believe everything you read in textbooks because history is often not reflected accurately. I have applied this method of thinking when it comes to items I read in the news, hear on podcasts, and watch on TV. As a result, I am instantly inclined to believe that much of what I’m hearing or reading is not entirely accurate. Someone is pushing an agenda to brainwash millions into believing something that may or may not be true. After all, something must be true if you repeat it enough, right? This is why I look at the news coverage of China doing “bad things” with a side eye.

Do I believe China is doing some outlandish things to its citizens? Of course, they are, but tell me, what country isn’t? I’m absolutely positive that many of the western countries pointing fingers at China are doing bad things to their citizens on a daily basis. But our faults and problems in the western world are not as important as what China is doing at the moment. To me, it’s a hypocritical way of thinking that we, as westerners, should sit back and evaluate before casting stones at a glass house.

Taking a note from Adam Curry’s discussions of China, I want to expand on some points I’ve noted over the past few months. Some want to protest China for locking up bloggers and other dissidents who criticize the government, yet a key fact that’s being glossed over (at times) is that American companies – Yahoo and Google in particular – are helping China lock these people up. Instead of just getting upset with China, shouldn’t people be getting upset with the American companies who are serving as accomplices? Granted, some are but not enough of them are actively mobilizing and boycotting these companies if they feel so strongly about this issue. If you’re going to protest China over this issue, don’t discriminate. Protest Yahoo and Google, too. Kill your Flickr, Gmail, del.icio.us, and YouTube accounts. Use a different search engine. Set up a picket line outside of Yahoo and Google offices and protest them the same way you protested the Olympic torch.

Some also want to protest China’s treatment of Tibet, which is not new by the way. Well, isn’t this just a form of history repeating itself as history often does? We’re simply just watching a rerun of how western nations once ruled their territories. I mean, do people forget how Great Britain, France, Spain, and Portugal once commanded and conquered North America, Africa, India, and other places with similar treatment to the people they ruled? China wants to rule their country and their territories with an iron fist, but these other European countries, including America, did similar things (and still do in a disguised, dictator form of democracy). If you need some examples, let’s took a look at a few:

• the slaughter of thousands (and probably millions) of Native Americans, the indoctrination (conversion to Catholicism and European culture) of the survivors, and forcible removal of tribes from their own land into segregated communities (aka reservations)
• the monopolistic control that the East India Company had over India’s goods and ultimately, the country itself
• the division of African nations’ borders by Europeans (who did not understand the cultural impact), which are still causing civil war between groups of native Africans today
• the kidnapping (and re-kidnapping of escapees) of Australia’s Aboriginal children to indoctrinate them into European culture
• the lynchings, beatings, rapes, torture, murder, and sub-human treatment of African Americans from slavery (1600s-1800s) to the civil rights movement of the 1950s and 1960s

Granted, these are historical examples, but if you would like some current examples of westerners’ treatment towards their “own,” then Muslims and immigrants (especially Latinos) are in. Still, the “shock and awe” at China’s treatment of Tibet is hypocritical considering many western nations aren’t focusing those same feelings towards their own issues.

In some ways, I’m not surprised by westerners’ growing disdain for all things China because the masses are being indoctrinated by the industrial mainstream media complex, which is nothing more than a giant public relations firm for [insert any western country here]. I’m not about to jump on an anti-China bandwagon because some reporter or news outlet says I should. I don’t agree with some of the things China has done and continues to do, but I also feel the same way about America and other countries in this world. That being said, I think you should open your eyes and snap out of the government’s media’s marketing efforts to advertise how bad China is. Instead of complaining about what China is doing to their people, I say we need to focus on fixing our own problems. How can you point the finger of suppression at someone else when your own country suppresses you?

On a final note, before condemning an entire culture and country of people, sit back and think about something. There was a rise in anti-Americanism over the Iraq war in European nations a little while back. Many took to the streets in protests and treated some Americans they encountered abroad rudely and with outright fury over the Iraq war. Because a few (the US government and officials) representing the many (the American people) felt we should go to war, we invaded a country with unfounded “evidence” that Saddam was reviving his nuclear efforts. I, along with the American people, had nothing to do with President Bush’s and Congress’ decision to invade Iraq; we couldn’t individually vote on an invasion. We had to rely on our representatives to vote for or against the war. Yet because of some bad decision making by the few, the many were railed against (by some) whenever they were in other countries. Some of these Americans living and visiting abroad said the treatment was unfair because what their government did should not be held against them as individuals. Let’s take this same scenario and apply it with the Chinese people who are living in China and working here in the US and other countries. Think about what I’ve said here the next time you see/hear or read something about China.

This country was largely built on the backs of slaves from Africa and their decedents. In fact, African Americans invented many amenities that we enjoy in our every day life – the traffic light, the filament in the light bulb (the filament actually makes the light in the bulb), elevators, and even the ironing board. Still, despite African American’s contribution to the country, they were treated less than human by many, before slavery and after slavery ended with Lincoln’s signing of the Emancipation Proclamation.

I wasn’t born during the civil rights movement of the 1950s and 1960s, but I know about the movement and the people behind it far more than most. I studied the American civil rights movement for two years. I watched hours and hours of video footage of African Americans getting beat, spat on, yelled out, hosed, and attacked by dogs…simply because they wanted to drink out of the same water fountain, use the same restroom, sit at the front of the bus, and vote like any other American. I read books about the civil right movement – Eyes on the Prize and Why We Can’t Wait to name a couple – so I could understand the impact of how black and white Americans fought to make us equal among each other. To make a future, you have to understand the past, and through my studies, I’m amazed at the progress we made considering the civil rights movement occurred just 60 years ago. I know that things are not perfect, that racism is still prevalent, but Obama’s clinching of the democratic nomination marks a huge milestone in America, a milestone that came a lot sooner than I expected.

No matter what happens next, Obama has made me see that all things truly are possible. His milestone is inspiring to me as an individual and should be inspiring to all. Just look at how far we have come as a nation. It shows that we can move beyond our painful past of social and racial injustice. It shows that the word “American” is more key than the sub genres we like to label each other with. It shows that we, as Americans, can change. Change on June 3, 2008 equals a new kind of progress that can truly define our future if we continue to look past color and see each other simply as human beings.

I simply want to say thank you, America. Change, we can! Progress, we can!