As usual, I sat down and made myself comfortable at my laptop Friday night. I started to rewatch the Otalia footage for the week of June 29, and I began to analyze the events for this week’s Otalia post. Once I started to write the actual words for this post, I found myself struggling. If any of my readers follow my Twitter adventures during Otalia writing sessions, they know it’s not unusual for me to struggle. However, this was different…even different from the post I struggled through after Crystal Chappell’s Days of Our Lives announcement. I felt like I wasn’t saying what I needed to say properly, that everything was coming out wrong. I tried to get past what I was feeling and focus on writing my Otalia post as usual. Still, that feeling couldn’t be ignored. It wouldn’t go away no matter how many mental breaks I took from this week’s depressing Otalia footage. I felt like I was going in the wrong direction with this week’s Otalia post. When I woke up this Sunday morning, I knew what I had to do. I had to scrap everything I’d written for this week’s Otalia post and start over. In the back of my mind were the words and direction for this post, which had been struggling to surface for days.

If you are expecting one of my regular Otalia posts this week, you won’t get that this week. This post is going to be different because I feel different after watching this week’s Otalia footage. I have some things I want to say, and I would not be true to myself if I didn’t say them.

In last week’s post, I discussed the spoiler that I was accidentally exposed to online. That spoiler concerns the pregnancy angle with the Natalia Rivera character, which was revealed the week of June 29. I said that I wouldn’t discuss the pregnancy angle further until I saw how it played out. Well, I watched how it has played out up to the July 3 episode, and I am not happy about what I have seen at this point. After I finished the July 3 episode, I had many questions buzzing in my head among a sense of total confusion. I know many Otalia fans felt angered and hurt based on the reactions I saw on Twitter. I felt many things myself, but anger and hurt wasn’t among those feelings. I just sighed in disappointment by the time the July 3 episode ended. Why? Because I’m not surprised what happened with the Otalia story as it currently stands. I’m just disappointed that it derailed in this manner, which I will expand upon later.

Some of you know how I feel about the state of soap operas. Some of you know that I am a cynical and pessimistic person when it comes to daytime drama these days. I have watched my favorite genre destroy itself for a decade with careless writing, rewrites, recycling, and character-destroying plots and dialog. Guiding Light was one of the few sparks of hope I had for the soap opera genre. The Guiding Light has been the gold standard that I want other soaps to aim for. Many of you also know that I praise the Guiding Light for the writing and story lines. Since I have been watching, the Otalia story line has been the most beautifully written story I’ve seen on daytime. It was nearly flawless…until the June 29-July 3 episodes.

First off, let me state that I do not expect perfection in the Otalia story line. I just expect a good story at the very least, and I expect a beautiful and carefully written story at the most. The Otalia story has mostly been a beautiful and carefully written story. I have applauded Ellen Wheeler and Jill Lorie Hurst for the story telling with Otalia. However, that doesn’t mean that they are above constructive criticism when warranted. This is one of those times.

Thoughts on The Natalia Pregnancy Angle

I like to remain spoiler free for Otalia, but in a weird way, I am thankful for being exposed to the pregnancy spoiler for Natalia. I had plenty of time to allow my mind to adjust to this new obstacle in Olivia and Natalia’s relationship. If I had been surprised over the pregnancy angle, I might have been upset as I watched the June 29-July 3 episodes. Since I knew what was coming, I wasn’t upset when it seemed like Natalia was pregnant with Frank Cooper’s “Frankenbaby.” My mind was comfortably numb to prepare for the angst and the pregnancy. I was at a place mentally to take in this pregnancy angle without getting so emotional. I was curious as to how Ellen Wheeler and Jill Lorie Hurst would write this pregnancy angle, which would send off the Natalia character for a month (for Jessica Leccia’s maternity leave). Now that I’ve seen how this pregnancy angle was written, I don’t understand the direction of this story at this point. In fact, I am really confused but not for the reasons you might think. Here is what I find confusing.

In the June 29 episode, Natalia was talking to Father Ray about her sickness and her feelings for Olivia. This is a snippet of dialog from that conversation:

Natalia: “Are you suggesting to me that I pretend that I don’t have feelings for Olivia? Because it would make my life a little bit easier? My life would have been a lot easier if I gave Rafe up for adoption. Just because something’s easier doesn’t mean it’s right. So no, Father Ray, the decisions that I’ve made, I feel have made me a stronger person. So if I’m sick or if I’m a little run down, I don’t believe it’s because of the choices that I have made.”

This particular dialog makes sense to me with the Natalia character. This is something I sense she would say based on what I have seen in the Otalia story. Keep in mind, I have only seen the Otalia back story starting in September 2008. That said, this snippet of dialog in her July 2 conversation with Father Ray doesn’t sound like the Natalia I know.

Natalia: “Is it a bigger sin to love a woman or to have slept with a man outside of marriage? I’m pregnant. And I don’t know if God is trying to punish me because I love Olivia or trying to tell me that I should have married Frank or both.”

Natalia feeling like God is trying to punish her is nothing new since I have heard her say this before. I find that part of her dialog logical and true to her character. However, I don’t understand why she feels like God is punishing her because she loves Olivia. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I have watched Natalia reiterate over and over how she has worked out her feelings in loving Olivia vs. her religion. Natalia has been saying this since the May 2009 episodes. Now, because Natalia discovers she’s pregnant with a “Frankenbaby,” she feels like being punished for loving Olivia and not marrying Frank. This dialog makes no sense with what she has been saying all along in addition to the snippet of the June 29 conversation I discussed previously.

I just found the July 2 dialog with Father Ray to be a false statement that doesn’t sound like the Natalia Rivera I know. To me, she wouldn’t say this and definitely not at this point of the story. It was my “what the frak?” moment (among many) when I watched this pregnancy angle for the week of June 29. It just doesn’t ring true to me. I understand she would feel guilty, but I don’t think she would feel like God is punishing her. Natalia has come too far in reconciling her love of Olivia with her faith to say this.

Natalia: “We were going to go to the Bauer BBQ…together. And then this happened, and I just…I can’t believe this could be coincidence. You know, I really think it must mean something.”

Natalia believing in signs from God is believable to me. She expressed that same sentiment to Olivia on the March 26, 2009 episode when deciding to marry Frank. I believe Natalia would think her “Frankenbaby” is a sign from God. Nevertheless, the “Frankenbaby” should not make her question her relationship with Olivia. I would think Natalia would be more worried about Olivia’s reaction when she told her she was sperminated by Frank.

Natalia: “I saw Frank before, and I just couldn’t tell him. And the thought of telling Olivia…I don’t know what to do. I just don’t know what to do.” Father Ray: “Maybe you should go away for a little while…by yourself, to try and figure things out.” Natalia: “It just sounds like running away.”

I can understand that it would be hard for Natalia to tell Frank and especially Olivia that she’s expecting a “Frankenbaby.” What I don’t find realistic is how Natalia handled it by not saying anything, especially to Olivia. Other than God, Natalia has turned to Olivia and talked to her about her problems. I find it strange that Natalia would be so comfortable talking about a “Frankenbaby” to Blake. In the June 26, 2009 episode, Natalia was uncomfortable at the idea that Blake knew about her and Olivia. Within a span of days, Natalia trusts and confides in Blake about something very important – a “Frankenbaby” – but not Olivia. It just doesn’t make sense to me.

Even if Natalia still wanted to leave Springfield to figure things out, she would not leave without talking to Olivia. The Natalia I know would have told Olivia about the pregnancy, as hard as it would have been. As I recall, Olivia is her friend and her family as well as the woman she loves.

• On the February 13, 2009 episode, Natalia stopped Olivia from running away from her problem after learning about Phillip Spaulding’s return. Natalia asked that Olivia allow her to be strong for her. Why wouldn’t Natalia think Olivia wouldn’t do the same for her? I would think Natalia would expect the same comfort and strength from Olivia if she told her about the pregnancy.
• On the February 16, 2009 episode, Natalia told Olivia that she trusts her with her life. Olivia also said she trusts Natalia with her life, which she has demonstrated. When it’s time for Natalia to put her trust to the test, she doesn’t. She runs away and doesn’t trust Olivia with “her life” like she said she does.

These examples of dialog from Natalia highlight the illogical behavior of her character. I just don’t believe the Natalia I know would do what she did – run away and not tell Olivia about the “Frankenbaby.” I have no problem with Natalia leaving town to get her head together. Still, I just believe she would talk to Olivia first and tell her the reason why. Natalia might have still left behind a hurt Olivia by telling her the truth. Instead, she left behind an utterly devastated Olivia by leaving her hanging on an important day.

Father Ray: “Let me make arrangements for you at the retreat.” Natalia: “I know you mean well, Father…I do…it’s just that’s just running away, and I can’t do that to Olivia.” Father Ray: “Listen, if Olivia loves you…if she really, really loves you, she won’t be afraid to let you go for a while.”

I guess Natalia is listening to Father Ray now when it comes to advice over Olivia. This is odd since she has not listened to him since May 2009. I get that she needs solace and advice, but after battling Father Ray for two months over Olivia…this just doesn’t make sense to me. To reiterate, Natalia told Father Ray this on the June 29 episode: “Just because something’s easier doesn’t mean it’s right. So no, Father Ray, the decisions that I’ve made, I feel have made me a stronger person.” Now, she’s not adhering her own words, and she’s relying on Father Ray’s suggestion for a religious retreat? I don’t get it. Running away over a “Frankenbaby” without confronting Olivia (or Frank) is the easy way. Telling Olivia and even Frank about the “Frankenbaby” is not easy; it’s difficult. How can a decision to run away and select the easy way make Natalia stronger? Again, I feel like Natalia would have had a conversation (at the very least) with Olivia about the “Frankenbaby” before leaving Springfield. Olivia is her best friend.

In Natalia’s July 3 conversation with Blake, I noticed something else in her dialog that confused me. When Natalia told Blake that she was leaving town, Blake tried to get Natalia to see that she has to talk to Olivia and Frank. It’s this snippet of dialog that gave me another moment that left me puzzled.

Blake: “I know that you have to tell Frank, and you need to talk to Olivia.” Natalia: “I can’t. I’m too ashamed. I don’t know how to talk to Frank. I don’t know what I would tell Olivia.”

I am fine with everything Natalia said…except for the “I’m too ashamed” part of this dialog. If Natalia was 16 and pregnant with Rafe, I can understand her feeling ashamed. Now that Natalia is in her mid 30s, I’m puzzled why she would be ashamed for being pregnant. I can understand her feeling like she should have been smarter in her choice to sleep with Frank. I can understand her feeling like history is repeating itself with an unplanned pregnancy. Still, I’m pondering why she would feel ashamed over her pregnancy. On the June 29 episode, Natalia was telling Father Ray that it would have been easier to give Rafe up for adoption. I felt that because of her struggles raising Rafe as a single mother, Natalia would be able to handle news of a “Frankenbaby” better. Now, the week of June 29, she is ashamed at the possibility of having another child. I’m just puzzled by this after all of the things she’s said about Rafe and the pride she has in raising her son alone. I understand that Natalia is very religious. I get that sex outside of marriage was a guilt-tripping issue for her several months ago. Still, I felt Natalia had worked through her views on sex based on her recent discussion (June 12, 2009 episode) with Olivia. Again, Natalia is no longer 16; she’s at least 35 years old. With all the progress she has made, I can’t see her feeling so ashamed over the “Frankenbaby.” She would be shocked over the “Frankenbaby” and nervous how to break the news but not ashamed.

Natalia would have a support system during her pregnancy. Of course, Frank would step in to give her any support she needs during the pregnancy. I truly believe Olivia would be supportive of Natalia. Olivia would not judge Natalia and break up with her because she got sperminated with a “Frankenbaby.” I think there is some insecurity on Natalia’s part in thinking she would lose Olivia over the “Frankenbaby.” Natalia’s insecurity is actually one the few refreshing things about this pregnancy angle. I always felt that Olivia was the one who felt insecure about losing Natalia because she was unworthy of her. I always felt that Natalia was very confident in Olivia’s love because Olivia has always been so very expressive of that – in actions, touches, and smoldering, loving looks. I never felt that Natalia was insecure about losing Olivia until the “Frankenbaby.” Out of the things I don’t like about this pregnancy angle, I actually do like a Natalia who is insecure about holding on to Olivia.

Overall, I do not like the way the pregnancy angle has progressed for the week of June 29. I realize that this angle of the Otalia story line has not played out to completion, but I have to say what I feel based on what I have seen. I didn’t like the idea of a pregnancy angle being used to write Natalia off the show for Jessica Leccia’s maternity leave. I felt there were better ways of writing this character off for a month. The pregnancy angle is classic soap opera drama, and I do love classic soap opera writing. Nevertheless, I felt like this angle was just unnecessary for the Otalia story line. It provided a level of angst that I just didn’t need among other things. It’s a torture device for the Otalia fans, and I do like being tortured…if it is the good kind. The pregnancy angle and the way it has played out thus far is not the good kind of torture.

I watched Natalia say and do inconsistent things. I realize I don’t have the long history with her character, but her dialog and actions don’t make sense, especially in the July 2 and July 3 episodes. Regardless of what she has done in the past (i.e. if she ran away before), I just don’t see her doing the things she’s done. I have watched Natalia grow so much over the past few months. Her strength and courage has blossomed under Olivia’s love. I love Natalia, but I don’t understand why she would resort to “cowardly lion” mode over the “Frankenbaby.” My confusion comes from the way this angle and Natalia’s dialog was written. To me, it comes off like it wasn’t planned in the story properly. Look at how everything has been written for this story line and look at this pregnancy angle. It stands out like a sore thumb. I don’t understand it. Jessica Leccia has been pregnant for months; that is no secret. I felt like there has been plenty of time to figure out how to write Natalia off the show in a way that made sense and rang true to her character. While I don’t like the pregnancy angle, I felt that everything with this angle really took a dive on the July 2 episode. The Natalia character experienced some damage with her dialog and actions. All I have to say is this: Jill Lorie Hurst will have to write her butt off to fix this. Based on how Natalia was written the week of June 29, she is going to have to fight hard to get Olivia back. In my opinion, Olivia would not accept what Natalia has done so easily. Natalia showed a lack of faith and a lack of trust after everything they have gone through. Olivia has done everything right in this relationship, and she was pierced in the heart for it. If Olivia goes into self-destruct mode while Natalia is away, I wouldn’t blame her. That would make sense.

As for the pregnancy itself, I feel 90% sure that Natalia is not pregnant with a “Frankenbaby.” Even though the doctor told Natalia she was pregnant, I noticed something prior to this announcement. While Natalia was giving blood for her pregnancy test, her vile of blood wasn’t labeled. I noticed how the camera focused very closely on the blood trays, which is a huge clue. I feel like there will be a mix up in the lab. Additionally, Natalia never bothered to get her sonogram before leaving. The doctor suggested scheduling it, but Natalia didn’t do this. All of these things are signs that Natalia is not really pregnant. I’m leaving myself with 10% uncertainty on this pregnancy angle because I just don’t have blind faith in soap writers. There is always the possibility of introducing important plot points occurring off camera. Like I’ve explained before, I have been burned too many times by writers when it comes to soap couples I like. It’s why I only have the faith of a mustard seed in Ellen Wheeler or Jill Lorie Hurst. That is better than the zero faith I have in just about all of the other executives and head writers for soaps.

Thoughts on Olivia Spencer

While I watched the episodes for the week of June 29, my heart ached for Olivia. She was so happy about being able to come out with Natalia. Her happiness was so evident that Buzz Cooper, Doris Wolfe, and Phillip commented on it. They knew something had changed and made her light up inside. I knew something was about to dim that light and put a “Frankenclipse” on her happiness, which made these scenes difficult to watch. It also made it hard for me to like Natalia as much as I did a week ago. I knew Olivia was about to be deeply hurt, and I didn’t like watching Olivia being staked through the heart. Unlike the other times Olivia has been hurt in relationships, I feel like this time is truly different for her. She did everything right, and I’m sure her worst fears were realized when Blake told her Natalia wasn’t coming. I believe Olivia felt that she truly was unworthy of being loved as she ran from the BBQ to be alone. Frank told her he wasn’t sure she was the right person for Natalia earlier that week, and I’m sure she was wondering if he was right at that moment.

As Olivia broke down into heartbroken tears, I felt that Crystal Chappell was gearing up to rip my heart out. I appreciate beautiful acting, and I sense I will see another possible Emmy reel performance. If that were the case for the week of July 6, then this would be a good outcome from this pregnancy angle.

Thoughts on Otalia vs. Everyone Else on Guiding Light

The July 3 episode was one of the saddest episodes I’ve seen on Guiding Light since I tuned back into the show. The main thing that was sad about this episode was watching everyone else be happy while Olivia fell to pieces in misery. I couldn’t help but notice the stark difference between everyone else and the only lesbian couple on the show. Natalia and Olivia were falling apart (albeit temporarily), and everyone else was having fun at the annual Bauer BBQ. Why would you make them so miserable while everyone else is so happy?

I’m going to get real here for a moment by saying that Otalia is a huge draw to the Guiding Light. I’m aware there are other large fan bases (i.e. Bill and Lizzie aka Bizzie), but I have a feeling that none of those fan bases are larger than Otalia’s. Otalia drew non-soap opera watchers to Guiding Light in addition to wayward old fans like myself. It drew mainstream media attention where other story lines couldn’t. The Otalia story line drew passionate fans together to launch a campaign to save Guiding Light. I’m aware that Guiding Light knows how big the Otalia fan base is. That’s why I don’t understand why the writers chose to make Otalia so miserable and everyone else so happy. Aside from Phillip, Otalia’s scenes on the July 3 episode were the definition of misery. Even Phillip had some brighter moments in his gloom. Granted, Olivia was happy at the BBQ right until the end. Still, I knew that her happiness was about to be shattered the entire time. I just don’t understand this level of angst just for Otalia’s story line for the July 3 episode. After enduring so much angst from January 2009-April 2009, this pregnancy angle angst was one step too far for me. Otalia had enough angst dealing with Rafe’s “Rafertude.” This pregnancy angle and Natalia leaving without speaking to Olivia…it’s just too much angst. Sometimes there is a such thing as overkill. As far as I’m concerned, it was overkill in the angst level. There was no need to highlight the huge vast in Otalia’s misery and everyone else’s happiness.

I just wonder why the show’s most popular couple was treated to so much unnecessary angst. Are they trying to turn fans away? I’m just throwing the question out there because I know some Otalia fans quit Guiding Light after the July 3 episode. The cynical part of me is aware that if you turn fans against a show, it can be cancelled without a vocal fan base to try to save it. Let’s face it, Otalia’s fan base is very vocal, if not the most vocal. I have been a soap opera watcher since I was a toddler, and I have become a jaded soap opera fan over the past decade. Nothing about the soap opera industry surprises me anymore. I believe that most networks want out of the soap opera business, so the best way to kill soaps is to kill soap fans’ passion for a show. I’m not saying Proctor & Gamble is trying to turn us against Guiding Light, but I just wanted to play devil’s advocate for a moment.

Thoughts on the Depressing Turn in Guiding Light

I have praised the Guiding Light for the good story telling they have been doing. Now that the light is probably dimming and it probably won’t be picked up, I noticed a depressing turn in the show. I know I normally keep my posts Otalia-centered, but I have to mention another story line to provide some perspective.

Phillip, Olivia’s ex husband and Emma’s father, is dying and has three months to live. From what I have seen, the Guiding Light’s story telling (as a whole) started to come alive again with Phillip’s return to the show. I see the irony in giving him a life-ending illness because Guiding Light is dying itself. However, I think this was not a wise turn to take with Phillip. Fans of Phillip and Beth want a happy ending, and killing him is not the happy ending fans have in mind, which includes me. I also noticed that same depressing turn with the Otalia story line.

This pregnancy angle is not a stake in the heart to Otalia, which would turn it into ashes. I still believe that they will be together in the end, no matter what. However, the pregnancy angle is definitely depressing and unnecessary. Some fans are concerned what this means, especially if Natalia is truly pregnant. Again, I don’t believe Natalia is pregnant. If she is, then the fears I expressed two months ago might have some truth to it as far as I’m concerned. I would like to believe that “The Powers That Be” still care about giving the fans what they want. However, you never can tell in the days of dying soaps.

I have to wonder what’s going on with the depressing turn with some of Guiding Light’s favorite characters. As I writer, I know that when I’m depressed, my depressing thoughts can show up in what I write, and it can and does fuel me to write at my best. I wonder if the reality that Guiding Light is ending, which will result in job losses, is affecting the writing. Perhaps this could explain some of the solid and great writing with other story lines and depressing writing for others (i.e. Otalia and Phillip). Whatever is going on, Guiding Light has roughly two months and two weeks left on CBS. As a fan, I’m well aware that Guiding Light is ending. That’s a depressing enough thought. I don’t need or want to see depressing story lines on this show right now, which makes it more difficult to watch. Trust me, it was hard enough watching the last Bauer BBQ. Having Rick Bauer give a shout out to his Grandma Bert and watching the cast gather together like that was sadder than I expected. I just feel it would be nice to keep this depressing turn from going any further. There’s less than three months left before Guiding Light ends. As a result, I have a simple request: give the fans what they want and give us happy story lines.

Final Thoughts

In conclusion, I want to say a few more things about Otalia and Guiding Light. I know many Otalia fans have blind faith that Ellen Wheeler and Jill Lorie Hurst will deliver. I know other Otalia fans don’t have much faith that they will deliver. I am on Team Reality when it comes to Otalia at this point. I do not have blind faith in any soap opera execs and writers and never will. If you have watched soaps self destruct as I have, you understand why I can’t have blind faith. As I have said before, I have the faith of the mustard seed with Ellen Wheeler and Jill Lorie Hurst, which is something. I believe Otalia will be together when Guiding Light ends. It may or may not be what I expect, especially if the pregnancy angle remains. Either way, I have slowly come to terms with the Otalia story line over the past few weeks. Story angles that would have made me really upset a few weeks ago don’t upset me in the same way anymore.

I’m going to be honest with you. I am not as emotionally invested in Otalia as I was a couple of weeks ago. I started distancing myself emotionally the day the Crystal Chappell announcement (her return to Days of Our Lives) came out. That doesn’t mean that I still don’t love Otalia because I do. I just felt it was best for me to start distancing myself emotionally to prepare for the worst. The worst of course was the end of Otalia and Guiding Light. I’m to a point where whatever happens, happens in the Otalia story line. I care but not as deeply as I did a couple of weeks ago. I just can’t allow myself to continue to be so emotionally invested in Otalia – not after the way I felt after the Crystal Chappell announcement. I’m just along for the ride until it plays out to the very end.

That said, I am still waiting to see how this pregnancy angle plays out. I don’t like its progression at this point, but perhaps Jill Lorie Hurst has something up her sleeve that I can’t see. Perhaps there is something great in store to fix this pregnancy angle in the future. I don’t really like to speculate and I avoid spoilers, so I will wait and see.

I know this isn’t the Otalia post that many of you expect from me, but I had to be true to myself. I felt that I couldn’t write about Otalia as usual. This is the post that I needed to write this week so I wrote it. I was honest and true. As much as I love what Ellen Wheeler and Jill Lorie Hurst have done, this week’s progression of Otalia was problematic for me. I wasn’t about to let the inconsistencies fly by without talking about them. It confused me on many levels. It’s why I was having so much trouble trying to write the first version of this post. I’m aware there are some fans that have blind support on the Otalia story no matter what they see. I am not one of those fans. I wouldn’t be truthful with myself and you if I didn’t write what I feel. I feel that the Otalia story line took a depressing and wrong turn this week, but who knows what the upcoming week will bring. All I can do is watch and see.

Note: If you comment and choose to leave a spoiler, please identify it in advance with the word “spoiler,” or even separate it out to alert me that a spoiler is coming. I read everyone’s comments, but if I see the word “spoiler,” I stop reading at that point. Again, I have my process to make the magic happen with these Otalia posts. Thanks everyone for your continued love and support!

Tags: crystal chappell, entertainment, guiding light, jessica leccia, lesbian, natalia, olivia, otalia, review, tv

This entry was posted on Sunday, July 5th, 2009 at 10:04 pm and is filed under Commentary, Life, Play, Reviews. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.