Author’s Note: When I watch movies, I usually send out a tweet review on Twitter after the film. I have wanted to follow up my tweet reviews with an actual movie review on my site, but due to other writing projects, my time is limited. However, after my tweet review for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (aka Transformers 2), I decided to make the time. I felt like my tweets weren’t enough because I wanted to expand on some things about the movie. Additionally, I also realize that not all of my readers follow me or use Twitter. I wanted to share my thoughts and impressions of the film for everyone. Considering everything, I will say this will not be your typical movie review by any means. I am going to be experimental by incorporating my tweet review with an expanded movie review. I will also clearly indicate the beginning and ending of movie spoilers as best as I can. Finally, other than cleaning up typos, and formatting the things I said on Twitter (because there are no italics/bold and editing options), my tweet quotes shall remain as I originally tweeted them (on June 24, 2009). Thanks.

Two years ago, Michael Bay’s Transformers hit theaters. I remember being very excited for the live action adaption of the cartoon and successful toy line. I grew up as a child of the 80s, and I was a faithful Transformers cartoon watcher. I was such a fan that I begged my parents to take me to the movies to see the Transformers: The Movie cartoon film. So when the live action version hit theaters in 2007, I knew I would be viewing the film. Even though my movie tastes were shifting in 2007, I really enjoyed Transformers a great deal and looked forward to the sequel.

Fast-forwarding to present day, I wasn’t anticipating Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen as much as I did the first film. I am definitely a different movie watcher than I was in 2007, and my enjoyment level for summer popcorn movies has waned. Nonetheless, I was committed to watching Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen because I still have that childhood love for the cartoon. Additionally, I really liked the first live action film. I decided to watch the Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Wednesday, June 24 right after work.

Note: The following quoted references for the remainder of this movie review come from my tweet review, which I will expand upon in my film review for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

“So I had low expectations for Transformers 2 based on all the bad buzz, and I was going in expecting a D movie at best. I didn’t get that.”

I started hearing bad buzz about Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen as soon as I woke up on June 24, 2009. The critics’ reviews were coming in from midnight screenings. Sometimes reviews determine if I will watch a film, but most of the time, reviews have no factor in my watching a film. I expected some critics to be harsh on Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, so I didn’t necessarily lower my expectations. I’ve seen other movies that critics panned and I loved it. Therefore, I was still planning to watch it for myself. However, that all changed as I went to work and started seeing a flood of tweets on Twitter from regular moviegoers and Twitterers I trust.

The buzz surrounding Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was overwhelmingly bad. I knew then that my expectations for a C movie (at best) were optimistic. As the day wore on, I kept hearing and reading about the bad buzz. I lowered my expectations more and hoped for a D movie at best.

As I lined up to buy my ticket for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, I noted an interesting conversation at the box office. A couple in front of me was deciding between watching The Proposal or Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. They asked the box office attendant how she felt about both movies. I tweaked my ears when she discussed Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. She asked the couple if they’d seen and enjoyed the first Transformers film, which the couple liked. The box office attendant then told the couple they would like Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. My brain was screaming, “Are you sure about that?” when I heard those words. Yes, I knew I hadn’t seen the movie yet, but I was going with my gut instincts (and remembering the buzz from regular movie watchers) when that thought popped into my head. The box office attendant could have been telling the truth; however, I also realize she’s there to sell tickets, so a little white lie won’t hurt (if she truly didn’t like it). The couple decided to go with Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

After I was sitting in the theater (middle seat, middle of the theater), I observed the type of crowd coming to view Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. As I anticipated, the males outnumbered the females by far. Parents brought their kids as young as age five (give or take). The audience was a mostly Generation X and Generation Y audience from what I observed. I didn’t see many teenagers, but since I went to a 6:30 p.m. showing, I didn’t necessarily expect that. People seemed excited for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen based on the discussion going on around me.

Once the endless round of commercials and trailers ended, I breathed deeply and prepared myself for what was sure to be an interesting movie experience. Unfortunately, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen gave me a different meaning for “interesting” within 20 minutes.

“What I got with Transformers 2 was another epic bullshit film fail of a movie! Oh my God! This movie was frakin terrible! I didn’t expect an epic story by any means, but I expected some semblance of a story in Transformers 2. This film was thrown together.”

I knew this film was not going to be good early into the movie, but I didn’t expect it to be as bad as it turned out. As I watched the film, I realized that the story was pretty much non-existent. I know a Michael Bay film involves action taking precedence over story; however, the first Transformers made an attempt at a story that I could follow and liked. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen didn’t, and it definitely showed. I realized early on that this film was going to be “action porn” to the extreme; you wait for the action sequences and fast-forward through everything else. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a fast-forward button on hand.

“I swear. I truly believe the scriptwriters sat down and watched every successful sci-fi film made to make Transformer 2. I saw elements of Aliens, The Matrix, The Empire Strikes Back, Terminator, and even frakin Battlestar Galactica in Transformers 2. What the f*ck was that all about? It’s like the scriptwriters for Transformers 2 said, ‘Hey, let’s just throw in all this cool shit from these films and make a movie.’”

I sighed heavily when I noticed the references to other sci-fi properties in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. My mind was going a 100 miles per hour as I started identifying those references, and I actually got annoyed that the scriptwriters were so lazy. I heard unconfirmed rumors that the script for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was rushed to completion before the writer’s strike. If that’s true, it definitely showed.

*Begin spoiler alert*

Aliens Reference in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

The Fallen, which apparently visited Earth in 17,000 BC with the original Transformers, magically appeared without any explanation or introduction. I noticed that The Fallen also came in the similar, physical form of the Alien Queen in the Aliens films. When the Fallen makes his appearance on the Decepticon base (somewhere in the Milky Way presumably), I immediately noticed the glaring similarities with the Alien Queen in the look and feel. My mind was screaming, “Oh come on!” It was a blatant rip off in my mind.

The Matrix & Aliens References in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

In the scenes where The Fallen makes his appearance, I noticed the egg-shaped looking objects on the Decepticon base. I noticed both Aliens and The Matrix references with the eggs. For those who have never seen the Aliens franchise, baby aliens hatch from egg-like pods before facehugging humans. This was very fitting considering The Fallen looked like the Alien Queen. Apparently, the Decepticons were trying to grow new Transformers from these eggs, but they were unsuccessful in their efforts.

The Matrix references were also present with the egg-shaped objects. The scene where Morpheus reveals to Neo that humans are grown in fields come to mind. Another scene, of course, is where Neo is “flushed” from the field of human pods and retrieved by Morpheus and his crew. The pods where humans were grown were red. The pods where the Decepticons were growing robots were blue. Otherwise, they were extremely similar.

The Empire Strikes Back References in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

After Megatron was resurrected from the bottom of the ocean, he returned to the Decepticon base to meet up with The Fallen. There was a scene where The Fallen referred to Megatron as his “apprentice,” and I rolled my eyes in disbelief. I couldn’t believe the scriptwriters ripped off from one of the most epic sci-fi films of all time, The Empire Strikes Back. As nearly everyone is aware, the Emperor refers to Darth Vader as his apprentice. When I watched the interaction with Megatron and The Fallen, it was glaringly obvious. The Fallen was sitting on his throne – that definitely gave me more Aliens references – while talking with Megatron during these scenes. All they needed was a Death Star to make the Empire Strikes Back reference complete.

Terminator & Battlestar Galactica References in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Note: While I’m aware there is a Pretender toy line now, I’m basing my thoughts on the Pretender character on my memories.

Based on my research, a Pretender has the ability to cover their robotic shell with organic tissue. In Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, the Pretender looked like a human in every way. The Pretender was a supposed new “love interest” for Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf), which I never bought for a second. As I watched the movie, I started getting a vibe that the Pretender was a Decepticon in human form. At the time, I knew nothing about the Pretender or that it existed, but I was going on my instincts while watching the film. I sighed heavily again when I watched a Decepticon Pretender transition from Terminator mode and Cylon mode within minutes.

The actress portraying the Pretender was attempting to channel Cameron (Summer Glau) from Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles but barely gave me the T-X (Kristanna Loken) from Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. She had that Terminator cold stare on her face for a few moments and was walking the walk of a Terminator, too. At this point, I sunk down in my theater chair, but it was about to get a lot worse. Why? I realized that there were definitely some Battlestar Galactica Cylon references there, too.

The Pretender was in the form of a beautiful young woman Sam’s age, and her goal was to get next to him in the film. When she started coming on to him, I saw a metal tale sneak out from beneath her dress. The Cylon alarms started going off in my head at this point, and I sunk even lower in my theater chair and groaned silently. At this point, all the Pretender needed was a glowing red spine to make the transformation to Cylon complete.

When this scene played out, I had one of my many “What the f*ck?” moments with Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Why add a Pretender to this film? Seriously. Why? Since the Decepticons have the ability to make Pretenders in human form, wouldn’t this be a better disguise than cars, planes, and other objects? Additionally, Starscream discussed their failures at trying to hatch new Decepticons, so where did this Pretender come from? I assume it existed after the Transformers left Cybertron.

I discovered that the Pretender toy line existed after I watched the movie, but I still felt adding this element to the film made no sense. It was confusing to me as a fan of the cartoon series (never owned the toys), so I wondered if it was more confusing to viewers who aren’t longtime fans. It definitely made me think of Terminators and Cylons. Adding the Pretender was a bad choice considering the horribly bad Terminator Salvation came out right before this film.

*End spoiler alert*

Overall, these elements from other sci-fi properties made me feel like there was no originality in preparing the script and conceptual production design/art. I know films borrow from the best, but in the case of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, it came off as just plain laziness and completely unoriginal.

“Character development: non-existent and that goes for the humans and the Autobots and Decepticons. Why the f*ck are you going to introduce new Autobots and never them speak? I don’t know who the frak they are, so why put them in the movie?”

There was no progression of character development for Sam, Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox), Bumblebee, Optimus Prime, or any of the other characters introduced in Transformers. I felt like the Mikeaela character suffered the most because she was just there to look good (more on that later).

The newcomers to the Autobot clan involved the addition of Arcee, Sideswipe, and Jolt. I vaguely remember Sideswipe, and I had to look it up online to remember this Autobot from my childhood. From what I recall, these Autobots never spoke in the film. I saw them on my screen fighting alongside the others, but I mostly forgot they were in the film until they the camera pointed them out as Autobots. I felt there was no point to them being in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, and they could have been left out of the movie. Other than to show visually, “we’ve got more Autobots to fight Decepticons,” their presence was largely ignored.

“Oh and the racist undertones I heard about in Transformers 2, they were definitely there. Two Jar Jar Binx characters for sure. Those two minstrel robots served no purpose. They did not advance the ‘plot’ and did not need to be in Transformers 2…at all.”

The loudest of the negative buzz about Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen concerned the racist undertones with the Skids and Mudflap robots, which fought with the Autobots (but weren’t really one of them). Mentally, I was prepared for it, and I’m glad I was when they appeared on my screen for the first time.

Supposedly, Michael Bay was going for comic relief by adding these two characters. Well, he failed on execution. To say that Bay utilized negative stereotypes of African-American males is a huge understatement. Allow me to point them out.

The Use of Ebonics

Unlike any of the Decepticons and Autobots, Skids and Mudflap are the only robots who used ebonics (aka a lot of street slang), which is commonly attributed to some African-Americans who live in certain areas. It was glaringly obvious that Bay wanted these characters to stand out and they did. Granted, Skids and Mudflap weren’t the only robots to curse and say sexually suggestive things. They just provided the overwhelming majority of it.

Michael Bay…it’s 2009! I get that many people attribute their images of African-Americans based on hip-hop culture and one-sided TV images, but come on! We have an African-American president, and President Obama doesn’t speak that way. All African-Americans do not utilize ebonics or drop foul/sexually suggestive language in nearly every sentence. Bay’s usage of this linguistic stereotype is equivalent to saying that all Latinos or Asians speak with an accent or in a certain way.

The Gold Tooth

If Skids had a mouthful of bling in the form of grillz, it would have at least looked less racist…though not by much. There are some Caucasians, Latinos, etc. who have grillz on their teeth – I live in the South – and that this isn’t just a trend with African-Americans. However, Bay decided to go with one gold tooth for Skids. This is once again an old stereotype of African-Americans, and it was extremely unnecessary. I have no idea why Skids had a gold tooth. None of the other robots had one, so why is it necessary for him to have it? I found Bay’s usage of the single gold tooth very telling.

Disinterest in Reading & Illiteracy

Bay’s use of the “we don’t read” stereotype deeply disturbed me in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I found it entirely implausible that an Autobot is not educated, much less don’t read much or at all. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I do recall Optimus Prime saying they learned Earth’s language through the usage of the Internet in Transformers. To use the Internet, you have to be able to read. In order for Skids and Mudflap to speak “human,” they would have had to read the language online, right? They can’t learn everything through YouTube or other web videos. I would think they have to read to know what they’re looking at. So if they can’t read, how can they speak “human” language? Unless the Autobots are jacking into the Internet Matrix style, I don’t get this at all. When I heard Skids (or either Mudflap) admit they don’t read, I just shook my head in sadness and anger. Aside from the plot hole from the first film, how can you justify an advanced life form who doesn’t even read? It was just plain sad and a turn off for me. I couldn’t believe how deep Bay went into the negative stereotypes of African-Americans, but unfortunately, there’s more.

Behavior & Appearance

Skids and Mudflap’s behavior in the film was pretty much “comical” the entire time. When they weren’t attempting to be “comical,” Skids and Mudflap argued and got into fights with each other. It came off as if they had an inability to be serious unless they were fighting with the Autobots. This is another stereotype of African-Americans in that they are more interested in joking around and arguing/fighting than being serious.

As for their appearances, Skids and Mudflap looked like apes. There’s no getting around that because they did. I noticed they were the only robots who looked like apes when they were in robot form. Of course, apes or monkeys are another very negative and racist image of African-Americans. This image disturbed me the most when I saw them for the first time because I recognized the blatant racism. I couldn’t believe Bay stooped to this level, and it deeply disappointed and angered me. Once again, this is 2009, and I’m seeing minstrel figures on the theater screen…in 2009.

I don’t like to see any ethnic group stereotyped or referred to in a racist manner. I know it happens in films/TV no matter what I want, but I haven’t seen such a negative and blatant stereotype and image of racism in a while. The portrayal of Skids and Mudflap in this film should be a slap in the face to everyone. These characters are modern day minstrels, and Bay’s defense that they were added for comical relief is total and complete bullshit. I’m sorry but it is. Skids and Mudflap are racist representations of African-Americans that had to be purposeful. How can it not be? There were too many stereotypical and racist elements for it not to be purposeful. I’m sorry, but Bay’s “good clean fun” comment regarding Skids and Mudflap is the weakest thing I’ve ever heard. As far as I’m concerned, Skids and Mudflap are far worse than Jar Jar Binx.

As the film wore on, I could barely watch those two without growing angrier. These characters served no purpose other than enforcing racist and stereotypical images. They absolutely did not need to be in the film. Bay already had introduced other Autobots that weren’t speaking. Why not use those Autobots and leave Skids and Mudflap completely out of the movie? I found it very ironic that Arcee, Sideswipe, and Jolt didn’t speak, but Skids and Mudflap had a lot to say – using slang of course.

Unfortunately, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen didn’t limit racist, minstrel characters to robots. There is an African-American human character with over-exaggerated buckteeth. While this human character is limited to a few seconds of screen time, but the damage was done. It was too late. I knew exactly what was going on here. This human character was nothing more than another minstrel reference to the minstrel non-Autobots, Skids and Mudflap. He served no purpose to the “plot” other than to provide that reinforcement.

With all of these stereotype and racist images, I wonder why no one at DreamWorks said these simple words: “This is wrong. What we are doing is wrong and offensive. We should not put these representations in the film.” Someone should have stepped in and demanded cuts and/or reworks. There is no way this minstrel mess should have made it to the theatrical release of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I’m looking all the way to the top at Steven Spielberg, too.

“Shia LaBeouf…I’m sick and frakin tired of his fast talking shtick now. I do not want to see him do the same type of role anymore.”

My youngest brother noticed a pattern in the roles Shia LaBeouf takes long before I did. Essentially, LaBeouf is playing the same type of character repeatedly – I Robot, Disturbia, Transformers, and Constantine for example. LaBeouf is good with the fast talking shtick, and I have enjoyed it in the past before it recently started to grow old. With Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, I realized that I have had enough of these roles with him. I definitely do not want to see it anymore. It makes him look like a one-dimensional actor, and he’s gone down a path of typecasting doing this fast-talking, geeky, awkward kid shtick. As I watched the movie, I found myself shaking my head several times during his scenes. I realized that I reached my breaking point with his patented shtick. I’m done with it.

Aside from his tired shtick, I want to take a moment to mention LaBeouf’s interesting acting style. When the character of Sam started seeing symbols in his head, LaBeouf had an interesting way of portraying this. It was a cross between an epileptic seizure and some yet to be identified mental condition with the way his eyes danced up and down in his sockets. When I watched him do this several times throughout the film, I realized he made himself look bad as an actor…really bad. Those scenes weren’t the only thing that made him look bad, but it was the most obvious.

“Megan Fox…if her only purpose in Transformers 2 was to look hot in every scene, then she succeeded. Good job, Megan. Good job.”

I remember watching Megan Fox on the cancelled ABC show, Hope & Faith. I remember her doing a competent job on the series, but nothing about her acting that stood out. The same could be said in Transformers; however, I actually felt she was better in Hope & Faith. In Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, it seemed like her acting was reduced to looking hot and saying very little.

Can Megan Fox pull off looking hot? Of course. Can Megan Fox pull of sexy wearing skimpy outfits? Yes. Can Megan Fox pose like a Playboy cover girl on a motorcycle? Definitely. Can Megan Fox act? You can’t tell from looking at her performance in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Bay reduced her to nothing more than the “hot, sexy chick” in every single scene. The camera loved her body and face, and she definitely looked good in the film. However, every shot reminded me that Megan Fox was just there for sex appeal. It would have been nice to for her to have something to do other than look hot but whatever.

“I figured out every significant ‘plot’ moment along the way in Transformers 2. I guessed what would happen, and I was right every time. “

I wasn’t surprised by a single significant “plot” moment in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Again, I didn’t expect a smart action film that makes me think along the way, but it would have been nice not to guess the plot with alarming accuracy before it happened. It would have also been nice for the film to provide significant, climatic moments that were believable. There were many plot moments that I saw coming, but for the purpose of this review, I will cover the major events.

Note: Before I continue, I want to state that I avoided Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen trailers. I have a growing habit of avoiding trailers because I often guess (correctly) the ending of films from the footage. Considering that, I might have seen a teaser trailer for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen less than five times, and I probably saw a full trailer once or twice. I knew nothing about the plot other than what I saw in the teaser trailers and one version of the full trailer.

*Begin spoiler alert*

The Optimus Prime Plot Moment

When Optimus Prime was fighting the Decepticons in the very awesome forest scene, I started to wonder if he would die. I wondered this based on things Optimus Prime had said earlier (about Sam being more important than he realized) among dialog spoken by the characters. I also was wondering if Bay would resurrect the “Optimus Prime dies” scene from the Transformers: The Movie cartoon film. As I correctly guessed, I was right because Optimus Prime “died” during the fight scene in the forest. The minute he fell “dead” to the ground, I rolled my eyes because of course he wasn’t dead. How can Optimus Prime be dead? Bay has another Transformers film to plan, so Optimus Prime will live! How would he live? As I correctly guessed, he would live again through the object the Decepticons had been seeking – a device oddly called The Matrix of Leadership. After the movie, I realize that the Matrix of Leadership existed long before The Matrix films; however, during the film, my mind experienced another Matrix movie reference.

For the fans that saw the Transformers: The Movie cartoon film, this scene might have been a throwback to Optimus Prime’s death. I believe its intent was to make true fans have an emotional response and remember the cartoon film. I was a fan who saw the cartoon film, but there is a difference. Optimus Prime’s death in the Transformers: The Movie cartoon film was very unexpected. No one could have seen that coming, so it generated genuine surprise…at least it did for me as a kid. Optimus Prime’s death in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen generated nothing but a sigh of disbelief from me. I felt nothing because I knew he wasn’t dead. It occurred too early in the film. Additionally, with the (lack of) plot provided, I just felt like there was no build up to this death scene to make me believe it. Again, there was another Transformers film to plan, so Optimus Prime would generate diesel fumes again.

The Symbols Plot Moment

Since the Decepticons were already after Sam’s knowledge of the symbols, I figured this would tie into Optimus Prime in some way. I noticed this, once again, when Optimus Prime stated that Sam was more important than he realized. I was making all of the connections to that statement. After Sam started seeing the symbols in his head, I had a feeling his knowledge would involve bringing Optimus Prime back to life once he “died.” Of course, I was 100% correct in my guess.

As for the origin of the symbols, I also figured that it would involve ancient human civilization in some form. While the symbols Sam saw in his head were imbedded in other areas of the world, Bay took the viewers to a very predictable and overused ancient civilization. The most popular ancient human civilization, of course, is ancient Egypt and the Pyramids of Giza. I sighed again when I got the Aliens reference again, but this time, I received it in the form of the not so good, Alien vs. Predator film. In Alien vs. Predator, the pyramid reference was used in that film. Specifically, the Predator had a hidden pyramid Antarctica. For me, it was another, unwanted movie reference to Aliens, and I was getting tired of it at this point of the film.

While I watched the symbols plot unfold, I also realized something very familiar. As Sam and his group of cohorts searched for The Matrix of Leadership, I spotted the ruins of Petra. I realized that this was the setting used in Indiana Jones & the Last Crusade. This reference gave me several more unwanted movie links. The links that started connecting while I watched the film included the following:

• George Lucas is the creator behind the Star Wars franchise, which Michael Bay borrowed from in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.
• George Lucas served as executive producer on the Indiana Jones franchise, which Stephen Spielberg directed.
• Stephen Spielberg’s DreamWorks studio developed Disturbia and Eagle Eye, which both featured Shia LaBeouf in a starring role.
• Stephen Spielberg produced Transformers, which of course was directed by Michael Bay and starred Shia LaBeouf. DreamWorks also developed the film.
• Stephen Spielberg and George Lucas reunited for Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, which featured Shia LaBeouf.
• Stephen Spielberg produced Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, which again featured Michael Bay as director and starred Shia LaBeouf. Like the first film, DreamWorks also developed this film.

Considering all of the movie linkage I outlined, I suppose I wasn’t surprised that there was another famous film franchise reference in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. When I had this revelation, it temporarily took me mentally out of the film. Suddenly, the Empire Strikes Back and Indiana Jones movie reference started to make a little more sense in a weird way. Ultimately, I just didn’t need another big movie franchise reminder in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. It was the last and final straw for me.

The Matrix of Leadership Plot Moment

Once Sam got his hands on The Matrix of Leadership, it turned to dust in his hands. As soon as I saw that, I knew Sam was the key to restoring The Matrix of Leadership, thus restoring Optimus Prime back to life. He didn’t see those symbols in his head without a reason. To reiterate, I was also remembering Optimus Prime’s words that Sam was important, which was foreshadowing dialog for the film. Well, this was Sam’s defining moment in the Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. He became the “Transformer God” who could restore life to Optimus Prime.

*End spoiler alert*

“I had many what the f*ck moments watching the illogical mess that was thrown together for a script for Transformers 2. It was epic bullshit film fail.”

As I stated earlier, I didn’t expect a great story, but I expected a good story with some sort of logic. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen had several illogical moments where things were unexplained or made no sense. I’ll briefly describe some of those moments among the several.

Illogical Film Moment #1

Why show the Decepticon base once and only once in the film? Despite the fact that it ripped off Aliens and The Matrix in its look, it did look cool. I wanted to see and know more about it. I wanted to know how it got there. I wanted to know what else the Decepticons were up to on their base. A line or two in the dialog could have helped explain some of that for me.

Illogical Film Moment #2

As a kid, I always remember Megatron being the leader of the Decepticons – no questions asked. When The Fallen appeared in the film, Megatron looked at him as his master. The first Transformers film firmly established that Megatron was leader of the Decepticons. It gave an impression that no one was greater than he was. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen didn’t bother to explain why Megatron was in the role of Starscream (as second in command) and The Fallen was in the role of Megatron (as the leader). Not everyone is that deep into Transformers fandom, and the scriptwriters could have explained this a little. Even I didn’t know why they were acting this way. I had to go home and look up Transformers history online to understand their behavior.

Illogical Film Moment #3

Soundwave apparently had an “upgrade” from a small boom box in Transformers into some Matrix like-Sentinel creature in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. It took me a while to figure out that I was seeing Soundwave when he was in the film because the story provided no explanation for his upgrade.

“Okay, so there was some good in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. The effects looked stunning, but I expected that from Industrial Light & Magic. The explosions looked good. The robot fight scenes (especially the forest one) in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen were good. Other than effects and fight scenes, there is nothing else good about Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Honestly, I was frakin bored through a lot of it.”

The special effects in the film were the star of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. I didn’t experience the awe I felt when I saw an Autobot transform for the first time in Transformers, but I was still impressed. Everything looked extremely good in terms of the transformations and other special effects. However, as I said in tweet review, I expected nothing but stellar effects from Industrial Light & Magic. I got what I expected because they are the best in the business. While I felt one transformation effect went on several seconds too long (with Optimus Prime’s first appearance), it was still impressive to watch. The look of the Transformers and other special effects looked realistic.

Michael Bay is an action film director, and when it came to the action sequences, he did what he knows best. I was fine with that. I actually have enjoyed several Bay films – Bad Boys and Bad Boys II for example – because of the good action sequences. There were plenty of explosions, gunfire, and robot fights. For the most part, it all came together well in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. The highlight of this film involved the robot fights between Autobots and Decepticons. These fight scenes were done very well, and my absolute favorite action sequence involved a Transformers fight scene in the forest. For whatever reason, the combination of giant robots fighting against lush green scenery worked well. It provided a different backdrop from the typical cityscape fights the Transformers have engaged in. I thought this was a nice choice by Bay in changing the surroundings of the Transformers into an unexpected environment.

The problem was that the lack of story highlighted the fact that this film was an “action porn” movie. Out of all the Michael Bay films I have seen, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen showed the weakness in an overabundance of good action vs. no story. When I watched the human and robots talk, I found myself bored because there was nothing significant being revealed. I was shifting in my theater seat and sighing, waiting for the next action sequence because the plot was thinner than a sheet of paper. While I do like smart action films with a good plot (at the least), I knew that I wasn’t getting that with this film within the first hour. Therefore, I was just waiting for the next great action sequence. I realized I had to transition mentally into that kind of mode when watching this movie.

“I found myself butt shifting (a lot) in Transformers 2 cause it was too long. I actually had a moment where I wanted to get up and leave.”

The running time of 2 hours, 30 minutes could have been trimmed down by at least 45 minutes-1 hour. The lack of plot highlighted this fact, and towards the end of the film, I felt like some action sequences were just being thrown in…just because. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen started to drag at the end, and I was getting restless and waiting impatiently for the “big climatic moment.” Towards the end of the film, I felt like some of those action sequences weren’t needed and could have been cut. There was too much fat in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (in the middle and end), and I found myself bored, agitated, and ready to leave. On top of everything I’d already experienced, I was just beat down towards the end of the film. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen grew to be excruciatingly bad as it wore on, and I didn’t know if I could take the pain anymore. At that point, I’d had enough “action porn” for 90 minutes; however, I managed to suffer through it and finish the film without leaving.

“I enjoyed the first Transformers. I didn’t expect this one to be as good, but I expected better at first. This movie failed badly! I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but I felt Terminator Salvation was better than Transformers 2. At least I had more (barely) to like.”

To say I was disappointed for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is an understatement. I didn’t think it was going to be such a terrible film experience. It is definitely the worst in-theater, film experience I’ve had. Before that, Terminator Salvation held that honor.

I never expected that Terminator Salvation would be a better film than Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen but it was. Yes, Terminator Salvation was an epic bullshit film fail, too, but I did actually like the Marcus Wright character, his story, Kyle Reese’s character, and even the little girl, Star. That’s far more than I liked in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, which essentially boiled down to the action sequences and effects.

“To Shia LaBeouf, I want to say that you are better than this. I saw shades of that in the really bad Eagle Eye. You can act. Stop this madness. Shia, if you aren’t signed up for Transformers 3 and Michael Bay approaches you, just say no! ‘DARE to keep a kid off crap!’”

Despite how some of his films make him look, I do believe LaBeouf is a good actor. He showed me that there is some depth there and that he can act in one significant scene in Eagle Eye. When I watched that scene, I knew then that he was capable of far more than the roles he’s had. I wish LaBeouf would take a detour from the big budget mainstream franchises and follow the path for smaller films sometimes. A good example of a young actor who is taking on small films but making big waves is Emile Hirsch. I think LaBeouf couldn’t do any wrong by following Hirsch’s career path with similar film choices. However, I predict more big budget pictures for LaBeouf with the same shtick and another Transformers film.

“To Megan Fox, honey, I know you look like a younger Angelina Jolie, but at least she proved she can act. Transformers isn’t helping you.”

As it stands, Fox looks like another Hollywood star rather than an actress. I don’t know if she wants to be a star or an actress, but if she wants to be an actress, she’s got to take a different career path. Maybe she needs to follow Charlize Theron’s lead (in Monster) by getting ugly for her next film. Perhaps I’m naïve, but I want to believe Fox wants to be an actress and not just a star.

“The juvenile sex jokes and references in Transformers 2 were overwhelmingly stupid. Robots humping legs. Dogs humping. And more! Sam’s (Shia) parents were terrible! His mother made me wanna slap some good sense into her. I was like what the f*ck is wrong with you?”

Other than juvenile sex jokes and constant sexual references, there were too many “cheap, just for laughs” humor attempts. These things were distractions from the fact that this movie had no real story. 99% of the time, I didn’t fall for the distractions. I might have laughed three times during this film; otherwise, I was shaking my head at the stupidity of these scenes and the humor. I think I clearly got that sex was on the scriptwriter’s minds when this film ended. Awesome job on conveying that thought. They only beat it into my head with baseball bat.

“Oh and let me say, there was a ‘Thong Song’ moment that freaked the frak outta me. Seriously, I was waiting for Sisqo’s song to break out. Hint: that ‘Thong Song’ moment in Transformers 2 is not from who you’d expect either. I needed brain bleach after that. Holy jeebus!”

Seriously, the scriptwriters went for toilet humor at this point. It was a disgusting humor moment that made everyone in the theater groan more than laugh. I don’t want to spoil it, but if you’ve seen Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

“And speaking of sex references…why the f*ck were there testicles on a Decepticon! Seriously? I saw frakin dangling nuts! Frak, if you’re gonna give a Decepticon balls, go all the frakin way. Give him a magic stick, too! I can’t believe I saw elephantitis testicles hanging on a Decepticon. That’s when I knew Michael Bay lost his ever loving mind! If Michael Bay gave a Decepticon nuts, I’m really scared to see um, ‘rose petals’ for robots in disguise.”

I don’t think there is anything else for me to add to my tweet review here. Do you?

“Transformers 2 deserves the scathing reviews it’s getting because it’s frakin hot poop on a stick. It’s epic bullshit film fail. Special effects, explosions, and hot looking people are not enough to make a film, Michael Bay. I hoped you would do better. This was fail! The BSG, Terminator, Empire Strikes Back, Aliens, and The Matrix movie references in Transformers 2 made my head spin. I was like, what the f*ck?”

To reiterate, I didn’t expect to see a smart action film in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Out of the Michael Bay films I’ve seen, I have enjoyed them. Of course, I’ve enjoyed some more than others, but I have never outright hated a film of his…until now.

For me, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was his worst effort by far. Bay and the scriptwriters could have at least given me a story on the first Transformers film level. At least that would have been better than no story. I don’t have high expectations from a Bay film, but I do expect to be entertained. Other than a few action scenes, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen definitely didn’t entertain me – far, far from it. My painful movie experience level outweighed my level of enjoyment by wide margins.

“Ya’ll can watch Transformers 2 at your own risk, but don’t say I didn’t warn you that it was an epic bullshit film fail. I don’t always listen to critic reviews, but the 22% for Transformers 2 at Rotten Tomatoes is too high! The sad thing is that there were some people enjoying Transformers 2 in the theater. I was like, are you watching the same movie as me?”

I will say that if you still want to watch this film, then be wary and realize what you’re walking into with Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. As I wrote earlier in my review, the box office attendant stated that people who liked the first Transformers would like the sequel. I really liked the first film, but I detested the second film. I feel there are better ways to spend 2 hours and 30 minutes of your life that you will never get back watching Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. However, you can judge it for yourselves if you really, really want to sit through this movie. It’s possible you will like it as much as the first film…it’s possible.

“When the credits rolled for Transformers 2, I felt hoodwinked, bamboozled. This film gets a huge frakin F!!”

That’s all.

Tags: movie review, movies, review, transformers

This entry was posted on Friday, June 26th, 2009 at 7:25 pm and is filed under Commentary, Life, Play, Reviews. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.