The week of June 8 provided a four-day Otalia week filled with spectacular highs and new twists. While the Otalia rollercoaster has been on level track, the story zoomed through new yet thrilling loops that left me stunned, dazed, and amazed by the time this week’s ride ended.

The June 9 episode started with Natalia fulfilling her promise by spending more quality time with her son, Rafe. Natalia planned a day of volunteering at her church – as head of the cookie committee – along with Rafe. When she went up to his room to see if he was ready to leave, Natalia found Rafe still sleeping until she awakened him. Granted, Rafe woke up with a bit of his “Raftertude,” but I actually considered his response with Natalia normal. I can recall not being in the best of moods when my mother woke me up for school as a kid. I sometimes had a bit of my own “Rafertude” since I am not a morning person; maybe Rafe isn’t either. Additionally, he had to abide by prison rules by being “ordered” to sleep and wake up at a certain time, so he was probably enjoying sleeping by “Rafe’s rules” instead.

When I watched Natalia urge Rafe to get up and get his day started, I felt like I was watching another normal mother/son interaction. Despite Natalia’s attempt to get Rafe involved in normal yet helpful activities, he wasn’t too keen on the idea. Rafe felt that she didn’t need him to a part of the cookie committee but Natalia did. I saw this effort was a way for Natalia to spend quality time with Rafe by helping him adjust and feel better about himself. I agreed with Natalia’s assessment that the best way to take your mind off your own problems is to serve the community. Volunteering their time to escape from their problems was something they both needed but for different reasons. I would notice that volunteering, as escapism, would be a theme for the June 9 episode. After Natalia urged Rafe once more to help her, his “Rafertude” evolved into a temper tantrum – complete with a child-like response of kicking the bed covers. Instead of getting upset at Rafe, I was actually laughing at this scene. Natalia refused to let his temper tantrum deter her goal of getting him ready and going with her to the church. Her sunny response of “Let’s go” as she pulled the covers away and left Rafe’s room made me laugh again with encouragement. Natalia was not about to give up helping Rafe like she promised. This particular scene reminded me of the October 6, 2008 episode when Natalia found Olivia sleeping in a room (other than her own) at the Beacon. In the October 6, 2008 episode, Olivia conveyed a bit of her own “Rafertude” towards Natalia once she was awakened. Just like Natalia was trying to help Rafe in the June 9 episode, she helped Olivia by saving her skin with Decker, Olivia’s boss with Galaxy Hotels.

As Natalia and Rafe got their day’s started, Olivia was getting her day started by dropping into Company for breakfast. While Olivia only asked for latte and a toasted apple butter muffin, she got an unexpected side order of sexual innuendo from Josh Lewis.

Josh: “Lynn, bring Olivia’s muffin over here.”Olivia: “You get your own muffin.”Josh: “I’m not interested in your muffin at the moment. I just want some company.”

Although I wasn’t watching Guiding Light at the time, I’m aware that Josh and Olivia were married to each other. Whenever I see them interact, I always notice their chemistry. This time was no different when I watched them chat about their love lives. When watching them together, I also found myself smiling after Olivia used the exact same words I’ve used in describing her relationship with Natalia; it’s in a holding pattern. Of course, Josh is unaware of the person Olivia is dating, but his reaction seemed a bit surprised yet pleased. I’m aware Josh would like nothing more than to “fill Olivia’s time” with some of his handy “clock making skills,” but he’s in love with Reva, something Olivia noted during their conversation. Although Olivia is in love with Natalia, Josh’s sexual innuendo about looking for a way to fill her time made her pause. I felt like I could read her thoughts as she faced unexpected sexual temptation and remembered that she had needs. While Olivia has displayed longing and desire for Natalia the past couple of months, I felt Josh reminded her that she really has been celibate for far too long. When she told Josh to keep his hands off her muffin (and made me laugh aloud in the process), I felt Olivia was telling him to stand down yet in a flirty way. Despite being reminded of urges, Olivia was focusing on keeping a clear head and working to keep the “horny monster” from invading her body. After all, she dealt with the “fear monster” over possibly losing Natalia the week of June 1 and didn’t need any other complications. As I would later see, Olivia’s battle with the “horny monster” was far from over, and her strength and resolve would be tested in multiple ways.

As Olivia ate breakfast and she and Josh discussed their love lives, I saw some of the “old Olivia” resurface. I think Josh’s sexual innuendo pulled out the flirty side of Olivia, and once it came out, it couldn’t be stuffed back down so easily. Olivia’s flirtation with Josh didn’t bother or worry me when I watched these scenes. In fact, I felt this was subtle testing on Olivia’s part to prove she still has “it” when it comes to men. The March 26, 2009 episode where she talked with Doris Wolfe about her sexual power over men comes to mind. In addition, while she is in love with Natalia, I think Olivia is still attracted to men – namely Josh. Since Olivia became aware of her feelings and attraction to Natalia, I have watched her turn on the flirting with other men along the way. However, I felt that Olivia was forcing herself to flirt with those men to disprove and dissipate her feelings for Natalia. She always backed down on the flirting when reality hit her, and she realized she couldn’t betray herself and disregard feelings for Natalia. With Josh, I believe it’s a bit different because of their history together. She doesn’t have to force the attraction; it’s already been established. Nevertheless, Olivia stayed true to form since she fell in love with Natalia. Yes, she flirted with Josh, but she also started to ease her foot off the flirting gas pedal. I could see that Olivia was thinking about Natalia after Josh’s comment about “volunteering for a service project.” I watched as Olivia put on the brakes after she agreed with Josh that helping was good. Obviously, Josh was aiming for a round of meaningless sex with Olivia, but she wasn’t going for it. Her mind was already focused on Natalia and finding her way back (mentally and physically) to the person she loves. I could hear the distraction in her voice as she spoke with Josh and left him alone and grinning after her at Company.

On the other side of Springfield, Natalia and Rafe started preparing for their day of volunteering at the church. Rafe exhibited more child-like yet amusing behavior when interacting with Natalia outside the church. I found myself adoring Natalia more than I thought was already possible as she turned on the Mary Poppins sunshine and charm with her son. After listening to every sourpuss response by Rafe, Natalia would fire back with more sunshine and dimples…up until the last exchange. I felt she became a tad bit disheartened by Rafe’s attitude. While he wasn’t in full-blown “Rafertude” mode, he was definitely not into “happy fun times cookie day.” I wasn’t upset at Rafe’s attitude because I actually understood where he was coming from. Once again, I found his responses to Natalia normal, even if it did dishearten me a bit when I watched these scenes the first time. However, when I re-watched these scenes, I looked at things from his point of view. Not many young people Rafe’s age would be enthusiastic about spending the day baking cookies and volunteering when they could do be doing something else. I know I wouldn’t have been when I was his age, so I understood his position once I got inside his head. Still, I was hoping Rafe would lighten up just a bit and help Natalia at the church. When he wiggled his way out of volunteering, I could see the worry and disappointment in Natalia’s expression as she watched him leave. My heart ached a bit for Natalia because she is trying so hard and giving everything she has to help her son. Rafe just isn’t reciprocating and being receptive to her outreach. I still feel he should be basking in Natalia’s attention. When Rafe was in prison, he couldn’t have her attention or her time the way he can now. Again, I’m looking at this from personal experience in knowing people who have been to prison and adjusting afterwards. They enjoy the family time after being denied it while incarcerated.

While Rafe ran off to talk and play catch with Mallet, Natalia was at church, setting up for a day of intense cookie baking. Unfortunately, Rafe wasn’t the only one who bailed on her, but it seemed like everyone else on the cookie committee did the same. As I watched Natalia forge ahead anyway, I felt a bit sad, yet I also felt deep admiration for her. She’s such a naturally good person who doesn’t let any obstacles stop her. Natalia often had to deal with issues alone as a single parent, so she is accustomed to handling challenges or problems by herself. Granted, this issue just involved baking 50 dozen cookies, but it provided me with a subtle representation of her inner character. I’ve always known these things about Natalia, but for some reason, I saw that more than ever during this scene. Once again, Natalia managed to endear herself to me, but she wasn’t the only one. Olivia did the same when she showed up at the church.

I had a feeling that Josh’s suggestion to do volunteer work would lead Olivia to Natalia. I could see and hear the extreme, unexpected joy in Natalia when she spotted Olivia. Her smile for Olivia made me smile, and it instantly lifted any sadness I felt about Natalia being alone in her cookie baking challenge. To put the sprinkles on the cookies, Olivia brought Emma (aka Jellybean) to help, which made this scene perfect for me.

As the three started baking, I found myself grinning again but for a different reason. Based on my research, I discovered that Olivia is an amazing cook. I’m also aware that Natalia makes a “mean chicken and rice dish and lasagna to die for” (see the February 5, 2009 episode), but it’s almost as if cooking doesn’t exist for Olivia anymore with Natalia around. Therefore, when I watched Olivia actually prepare food, I was glad to see the writers incorporating a bit of her hidden talents in the kitchen. I also found the idea of Olivia baking satisfying in a simple way because I remembered something from two 2008 Guiding Light episodes. The December 19, 2008 and December 22, 2008 episodes in particular showed Olivia and Natalia’s opposite viewpoints on cookie preparation. In the December 19, 2008 episode, Olivia scoffed at Natalia wanting to put in the work of baking cookies when they could be delivered from Towers. In the December 22, 2008 episode, Olivia had Christmas cookies for Emma delivered. Natalia wanted to bake them, along with Emma’s help.

While I’m on the topic of cookie preparation, I noticed four other interesting morsels.

Cookie Preparation 101 Course

When they were trying to decide which type of cookies to bake, Emma declared that peanut butter cookies were her preference. This was another scene, which had me grinning. It was a clear throwback to the peanut butter sweetness between Olivia and Natalia in the April 30, 2009 episode.

Cookie Preparation 102 Course

The second thing I noticed was Olivia’s admission that she enjoyed “baking cookies” with Natalia. As I watched Olivia willingly bake in the June 9 episode, it gave me another indicator how Natalia has changed her. Only her love for Natalia would have her donning an apron and having fun preparing 50 dozen cookies without complaining.

Cookie Preparation 103 Course

I realized that being with Natalia seemed to alleviate the “horny monster” Olivia felt around Josh. This would not be the first instance of Olivia gravitating towards Natalia’s calming sphere. I would see later on that Olivia would seek out Natalia again when the “horny monster” returned.

Cookie Preparation 104 Course

While preparing cookies, I spotted more couple-like moments between Natalia and Olivia. I noticed that Olivia popped a chocolate chip into Natalia’s mouth in one scene. In another scene, Olivia took a bite of a snicker doodle cookie and shared it with Natalia (then Emma). In both instances, Natalia was completely at ease and showed me that her progress in being with Olivia (as a romantic partner) was still intact. I also enjoyed the teasing between Olivia and Natalia about their baking efforts. When Olivia made her comment about Natalia sneaking the chocolate chips out of the bag, I thought Natalia’s facial expression was priceless. She definitely had that “busted” look in her eyes, even as she finished munching on another chocolate chip. As for Natalia, she noticed and teased Olivia about sneaking cookie dough. It was heartwarming to watch this interaction between Olivia and Natalia. They both made each other aware that they’re watching one another when they don’t think the other is watching, and Emma’s involvement in the fun banter made it more pleasant. Their couple-like behavior was dialed down with Rafe’s return home, and it was nice to soak in these simple yet meaningful moments.

What made the baking scenes even better was watching Rafe come to his senses and join in on the fun. It was nice to see Emma’s enthusiastic response to Rafe as she ran into his arms, and I was thrilled to watch Rafe receive her enthusiasm in a normal way. After the flare up between Emma and Rafe, I was happy to see Emma react this way to his appearance. This scene reinforced that they view each other as siblings. They argue, get over it, and move on. As Rafe carried Emma in his arms to help with the baking, I could see the joyful smiles from Natalia and Olivia. The look Natalia and Olivia gave each other expressed their happiness that Rafe was trying. I could almost sense some hope in their smiles that soon, they wouldn’t have to stay in the holding pattern. As Natalia indicated, Rafe didn’t stay long, but I agreed with Olivia that his showing up was progress. Any bit of progress in watching Rafe adjust is a good thing, and he seemed friendly enough with Emma and Olivia.

With the cookie baking initiative behind them, the June 10 episode started with Olivia making a phone call to Natalia. As I watched this scene, I realized that Olivia and Natalia seem to play phone tag in the most wonderful way. I have noticed a few other scenes where they have left each other voice messages over the past several weeks. Each phone scene is loving, and it shows how much they miss each other when separated. This scene provided another real life moment involving the “love bird” phase, and they are doing the things people do at the beginning stage of a relationship. I also immediately noticed that Olivia was wearing a purple bathrobe, which was a direct shout out to Otalia fans. As a fan, I appreciated this touch by the wardrobe department, and it made me smile because it was an acknowledgement to the Otalia fans.

While Olivia was glowing with love at the Beacon, Natalia and Rafe were meeting with his parole officer. The stark contrast between Natalia and Rafe’s manner on him being home became completely clear to me within moments. Natalia was a lot more optimistic, bubbly, and conversational with the parole officer. Rafe was pessimistic, disinterested, and short when responding to the parole officer’s questions. When I read his body language, it indicated to me that he did not want to be there. I could understand Rafe being a bit uneasy around anyone related to the prison system in particular. However, I found it interesting that Rafe was allowing Natalia to do the talking for him. He has claimed he wants to be a man, but he reverted to child-like behavior (for the second time) by letting Natalia take the lead. When I watched this scene and listened to Natalia describe Rafe’s progress, I felt like this was her parole meeting, not Rafe’s. I understand that Natalia was trying to help, and it seemed like she took on the responsibility of reporting his progress because Rafe wasn’t about to expand on upon it. Honestly, I’m glad she was there to step up to the plate. Mentally, Rafe was everywhere else other than the meeting with his parole officer, and he could have struck out had it not been for Natalia.

When the parole officer finished listening to Natalia’s status report, he reiterated that Rafe’s parole mandated employment. I immediately thought about the two job offers Olivia gave him, and I feel like Natalia was thinking the same as she nodded and glanced at Rafe. After the meeting, I was glad Natalia addressed Rafe’s behavior and told him he needed to put on a good front. Clearly, Rafe was still in pessimistic mode about his life, and he felt that Natalia trying to make him see the good in himself wasn’t going to change things. I thought his responses to Natalia were actually genuine. Newly released ex-cons do go through this mindset, especially if they’re trying and getting doors slammed in their faces. Of course, Rafe tried to become a cop and had his dream crushed. While I haven’t seen him pursuing other jobs, I am under the assumption that he has been trying and being turned down. Despite his attitude, I loved how Natalia refused to believe that Rafe’s view of himself is the real him. She isn’t being naïve either. She has faith in her son, and I can see that she wishes Rafe had more faith in himself.

At Company, Olivia stopped in for another cup of coffee. She ran into Blake Marler who was consumed in a romance novel to the point of breathlessness. After she managed to tear herself away from the story, Blake suggested that Olivia read the book. Olivia’s response of “uh, no I shouldn’t” when she saw the cover made me aware that the “horny monster” was returning. The expression on Olivia’s face showed me that she really didn’t need a reminder about her celibate state. However, it was too late since I could see Blake’s innocent suggestion had refocused her mind on the sex track.

When Blake asked how Olivia was doing, I realized this is the second time someone noticed that Olivia was not herself. I felt Josh knew it early in his discussion with her (in the June 9 episode), and he definitely knew she was not herself after she rebuffed his sexual innuendo and proposition. Blake realized it after their discussion about the romance novel from the way she looked at Olivia. I felt that Olivia was trying to hide what she was feeling from Blake, which is why she turned away to sweeten her coffee. As she turned away from Blake, Olivia glanced at but didn’t acknowledge Frank Cooper, and he did the same. While I feel that Frank’s attitude towards Olivia has softened, he still isn’t ready to be friendly with her like he was several months ago. When Blake expressed concern about Olivia with Frank, I felt that his changing of the subject was a normal reaction. He wouldn’t want to talk about Olivia considering they’re in love with the same person, and Olivia is the reason why he’s not married to Natalia. I would rather Frank change the conversation than say something negative about Olivia. For me, Frank is slowly redeeming himself in my eyes, and I see him becoming a character I could like again.

As Olivia got ready to leave, she ran into a bit of car trouble and popped the hood. Josh happened to be in the area and decided to check out the trouble Olivia is having with her car. Josh also decides to make trouble yet again by going for another round of sexual innuendo with Olivia and cranking up the heat.

Josh: “Hi there.” Olivia: “Hi.” Josh: “You need some help?” Olivia: “I need something.”

This was the beginning of an Olivia’s celibacy breakdown while driving on the Natalia Rivera Expressway. I heard the breathlessness in Olivia’s voice as well as the need build up inside of her.

Josh: “What seems to be the problem?” Olivia: “I don’t know. I don’t know. Uh, I don’t even know why I opened the hood. Isn’t that what you do when a car won’t start?”

During this exchange, the “horny monster” had begun another invasion inside of Olivia’s body. I watched how she moved slightly away when Josh was checking out her car. While he was only reaching for the hood support rod, I felt Olivia didn’t want any contact with Josh in case she combusted.

Of course, there was tons of double entendre in their words. Josh was propositioning Olivia again while trying to fix her car. She was trying to resist it when she said, “I don’t even know why I opened the hood.” Olivia had allowed the “horny monster” to rise to the surface after keeping it trapped inside. I think she was wishing she’d never run across Blake or Josh in that instant. However, I also felt she was letting him know that her needs were consuming her when she said, “Isn’t that what you do when a car won’t start?” I felt this was Olivia being her old self by being flirty again. Yet, I also realized that her needs had begun to cloud her mind, and I felt the sexual frustration had started to take control over her words and behavior with Josh. I felt that her body (and only her body) was responding to Josh’s appeal and sexual innuendo. Her mind hadn’t caught up to the warning signals yet.

Josh: “Would you like me to take a look? I mean, I fixed a stroller yesterday. Maybe I’m on a roll.” Olivia: “How about it? It’s all yours.”

At this point, the “horny monster” inside of Olivia was breaking her down to a point where she wanted to pull off the Natalia Rivera Expressway to the nearest rest stop. This time when Josh inspected what was underneath the hood, I could see that Olivia didn’t move away from his nearness. In fact, I felt like she was in an intense battle with her needs from the sexual frustration on her face. I had a moment where I felt like Olivia wanted to pull Josh down to the cement and have her way with him to get sex off her brain…at least for a little while. However, she managed to win this battle and held on to her control by a thin string.

Josh: “Looks like the battery cables are loose…Now, maybe if jiggle it, just a little bit, we can establish some…contact.”

At this point, Josh broke Olivia’s thin self-control string. I could see it in her aggravated yet slightly bouncy body language. Sexual frustration had won, and she surrendered when Josh swooped in for a kiss. However, Olivia didn’t react with the heat and fire like I expected when kissing Josh. I expected more hunger yet was relieved that she didn’t exhibit it. I realized that while she surrendered and enjoyed the kiss, I felt Olivia’s brain was catching up with her body the moment he kissed her. This is probably why she didn’t kiss him as hungrily as I thought she might. Even though Olivia was in danger of hydroplaning on the Natalia Rivera Expressway, she stepped on the brakes at the right moment and steadied herself on the road. Her love for Natalia once again made her realize what she was doing was not right. It took her a moment to resurface but she did it.

When Josh went in for another pass at her lips, Olivia was in control of her body at this point. Josh’s witty remark that “it wasn’t me, it’s you” made me laugh right along with Olivia. He was definitely right about that. This scene was funny, but it also made me proud of Olivia for not derailing her relationship with Natalia by going further with Josh. Granted, she kissed him back and enjoyed it. What she did is also considered cheating in some people’s book. I normally would view Olivia’s behavior with Josh as cheating, but for some reason, I don’t quite see it that way. I really believe two things made her respond and give into sexual frustration: 1) her previous history and chemistry with Josh and 2) her long celibate state. Her celibacy, sexual awareness of Natalia (especially her innocence), and the holding pattern in her relationship mostly explained why she found herself in a bit of trouble with Josh. I wrote in my “hanging on the ledge edition” that I worried about Josh becoming a possible obstacle between Olivia and Natalia. As I watched their interaction, I never found myself worrying she would go too far or gravitate back towards her ex-husband. I would have had heard alarm bells going off inside of me if Otalia weren’t so far down the path as a couple. I am so confident in Olivia’s love for Natalia and their relationship that this was just a minor blip on my radar. The only concern I had in this encounter with Josh is that Olivia needed to talk about sex with Natalia. As I would find out later, sex and Natalia would grow into a bigger issue for Olivia.

To help relieve her excess sexual energy, Olivia resorted to yoga when she returned to the Beacon. Unfortunately, her method of relaxation wasn’t working like she’d hoped. I had another laugh out loud moment during the yoga scenes in particular. I watched as Olivia floundered around on the floor in the child’s pose and pleaded with herself – in a downright frustrated voice – to relax. Once again, the “horny monster” resurfaced with a vengeance, just when she seemed to control it earlier. The upward facing dog pose along with the yoga master’s unintended sexual innuendo pushed her to the brink again. I could read the expression on Olivia’s face as need masked her face and consumed her body. I felt she wanted nothing more than to “relax, relate, and release” at that moment. Olivia said aloud what I already knew; yoga wasn’t working. As she scrambled up from the floor and put on her shoes, I felt that Olivia was on a mission when she left her room. I would later discover that her journey led her to the most unexpected of places.

As Olivia stormed off to her secret rendezvous, Natalia was on her own mission – one that involved searching for Rafe. He disappeared after storming away from Natalia when his parole meeting concluded. She had been looking for him since their disagreement, even enlisting Frank’s help. After searching for Rafe at Company, the store, and Gus’ grave, I could see the escalating worry on Natalia’s face. When she called Rafe and left a message for him to let her know he was all right, I could understand Natalia’s irritation. He isn’t returning her calls, and she is worried that he might fall into trouble, which could send him back to prison. Again, I’m going to go with real life experience here by saying Natalia’s frantic searching and repeated phone calls are very normal. She isn’t just being a worrying mother, but what she was feeling is something others in her position experienced.  As I have indicated, I know people who have been in prison. Those individuals’ loved ones also expressed the same worry, fear, and anger Natalia felt. There were times when those individuals went off the reservation and were unreachable when they first got home. I recall some of those loved ones doing the same thing Natalia did when Rafe disappeared. Therefore, I understand where Natalia is coming from. She isn’t just being too clingy in her search for Rafe. Fortunately, her son wasn’t getting in too much trouble. He was only trying to buy a beer at the bar before Frank blocked his efforts.

Natalia finally caught up with Rafe at the bar where she found him drinking (a soda) with Frank. As she overheard his conversation with Frank, I think she started to understand some of the things Rafe has been experiencing. I believe Natalia realized she would have to go with a different approach in relating to Rafe. I just didn’t expect that approach to involve her pulling up to the bar stool and ordering a beer. Natalia relating to Rafe in a friend-like manner rather than a mother-like manner provided me with an unexpected yet pleasing revelation. When I see Natalia drink, it’s usually a glass of wine. I didn’t know she had it in her to try and drink like Olivia Spencer would. Nor did I expect her to let her hair down and kick back in the way she talked about hanging out. I haven’t seen a side like this from Natalia before, and I have to admit that I enjoyed it immensely. I have only seen her behave in a similar yet far more dialed-down way in the March 3, 2009 episode after swindling Jeffery and Josh in a pool game. Naturally, Rafe didn’t feel that Natalia would fit in at the bar, but she showed him that she could hang with the boys. I had to laugh aloud again when Natalia asked the bartender for a shot. Her sunny disposition – complete with a dimpled smile – as she asked for a shot made me feel like I was in an alternate universe. The idea of Natalia drinking shots in a normal world doesn’t exist, but in the alternate universe, it did…and I loved it. She just needs Olivia to teach her how to consume her liquor properly and she’ll be just fine. It seemed that Natalia’s willingness to “hang” impressed Rafe and Frank. I feel like they were both looking at her with new eyes, especially when she suggested a pool game.

After watching the bar scenes, my admiration and love for the Natalia character deepened. She just refuses to quit with Rafe, and she kept trying until she found the right angle to relate to him. Natalia has the most loving heart I’ve ever seen in a soap opera character. After all, she did give her dead husband’s heart to the woman who tried to steal him away from her. Natalia’s strength and resilience is something that is encouraging to anyone who encounters her, and in real life, her take on life is inspiring to me.

While Natalia was knocking down drinks down at the bar with Frank and Rafe and playing pool, I discovered the location of Olivia’s destination – a sexy lingerie and toy store. When I realized where Olivia was and the um…pleasure item she was purchasing, you could have knocked me over with a feather…thrice! This scenario was the absolute last thing I expected to see, especially on TV’s longest running program at that. At that moment, I realized that I loved Guiding Light even more for being brave enough to go where I don’t recall any other soap has gone before. The idea of Olivia purchasing a pleasure item to ease her frustration was absolutely, 100% realistic. She doesn’t want to cheat on Natalia with a man, yet she has no idea if they would ever become sexually intimate. On the other hand, Olivia has to do something to relieve her frustration, so this option is completely understandable.

Surprisingly, Olivia seemed a bit self-conscious when she started to pick out her pleasure item. I think she felt that way primarily because of her reputation as a sex vixen. If she wanted to, Olivia could have a man at the snap of her manicured fingers to ease her frustration. I felt Olivia’s self-consciousness was coming from a place where she worried about her reputation and felt concern about maintaining her “sex vixen cred.” She doesn’t want anyone to know that she needs a pleasure item for…pleasure. Unfortunately for Olivia, Blake busted her.

Olivia’s startled reaction to Blake unsettled her for a second because I’m sure she didn’t expect to run into someone she knew. Her natural denial towards Blake and insistence that she was only reading the box was an understandable reaction yet a funny one for me. However, Blake was understanding and tried to ease Olivia’s embarrassment and self-consciousness. As I expected, Olivia tried to deny that she doesn’t need a pleasure item. Even as Blake explained her reasons for having her own item, Olivia still denied that she doesn’t need “this.” Hmmm, I guess that wasn’t quite the case. I noticed Olivia perked up at Blake’s suggestion for the most effective pleasure item. While Olivia said she doesn’t need “this,” she feels like wants “this,” and in the end, she took Blake’s advice and then some.

After becoming unexpected shopping buddies, Olivia and Blake made their way back to the Beacon. As Olivia poured them a glass of wine, I caught a significant, juicy morsel in their conversation. Apparently Olivia didn’t just buy a pleasure item, but she purchased some lingerie, too…and modeled it for Blake. I found this revelation interesting and not just because she modeled lingerie for Blake. Olivia was clearly thinking of the future and enticing Natalia with lingerie. Personally, I feel Olivia doesn’t need the lingerie to entice Natalia. She just needs to turn on the heat with that smoldering gaze and press her inner siren call button. Believe me, if she presses that button, Natalia will come. Nonetheless, it was nice to know Olivia was thinking about killing Natalia “DED” if when the opportunity arose.

Blake and Olivia continued their discussion about whether or not Olivia truly needed a pleasure item. It’s this portion of the conversation between Olivia and Blake that I loved the most. Olivia was still on the fence on her decision to purchase her pleasure item. When Blake mentioned that it saved her from making bad choices, I focused my attention and listening skills because I felt I was going to hear something significant. Olivia admitted that she turned down Josh’s proposition and confessed that he wasn’t what she was looking for. Olivia also confirmed what I suspected – that she hadn’t had sex in well over a year, even prior to Gus’ death. Her explanations as to why she had been celibate – transplant, recovery, etc. – were true. However, despite her urges, I also know that she doesn’t truly want anyone else as a lover but Natalia. It is why Olivia continues to stop herself in the face of every temptation. Blake’s advice provided Olivia with the perfect guidance she needed. Blake’s revelation that she would give up sex just to share one hour with her deceased husband (Ross) was exactly what Olivia needed to hear. I could see the resolve in Olivia’s expression, and I felt she was taking a page from Natalia’s good book by “testing all things and holding fast to that which is good.” (1 Thessalonians 5:21). After offering that advice, I completely forgave Blake for her “purple blocking” appearance at the spa during Natalia and Olivia’s getaway. In fact, I could have hugged her, especially after finishing the June 11 and June 12 episodes.

After Blake left, Olivia downed another glass of liquid courage as she eyed her pleasure item from across the room. When she finally lifted the box in her hands, Olivia realized that she really didn’t need it. She knew exactly what she needed and headed out to seek it.

Despite Olivia’s promise not to return to the farmhouse unless she was invited, two things drove her back:

1. The “I can’t stay away from the force of your gravitational pull” effect between Natalia and Olivia was a lot stronger than I expected. I knew it would bind them together as I wrote last week, but it reeled Olivia back towards Natalia a lot sooner.
2. The need to be around Natalia’s calming nature worked for Olivia the first time when Josh propositioned her. I think she remembered that in conjunction with Blake’s insightful words about Ross.

As they greeted each other, Natalia filled Olivia in on the news about Rafe’s new job. As Natalia stated, Rafe’s job was a step towards progress, which also represented a step that would end the holding pattern in Olivia and Natalia’s relationship. Once again, I am so thankful that Blake came into Olivia’s life when she needed it. Olivia told Natalia that she didn’t want to see their situation as waiting and wanted to cherish their moments. The rewarding smile on Natalia’s face was simply beautiful, and I smiled right along with her.

When they sat down outside to relish in their alone time, the dam of constraint in touching each other and expressing their feelings showed some cracks. I knew it was hard for Olivia to contain herself, but I would later see that it has also been hard for Natalia. I soaked in every tender moment of their conversation on how much they missed being with each other in every way. I was also happy to hear Natalia reiterate to Olivia that she wants private moments with her all the time. When Olivia told her they might have to give up some things to be together, I knew immediately that she was referencing sex as one of those things. Although Olivia didn’t attack the subject in a forthright manner, I felt Natalia understood what she was saying. Natalia responded by saying she wanted all of the things two people in love share. After Natalia uttered those words, I spotted more cracks in the dam of constraint when she reached out to caress Olivia’s face. Natalia’s caress prompted a gentle response by Olivia as she grasped her hand and kissed her palm before holding it in hers. To my surprise, Natalia pulled a move out of Olivia’s playbook by executing “bench scoot 2.0″ and sliding closer to Olivia. When they pressed their foreheads together, I almost felt the first mutual kiss was about to occur. I watched as Olivia stroked her hand down Natalia’s hair and back, and Natalia lifted her hand to cup the side of Olivia’s face. They were positioned perfectly for the first mutual kiss as they gazed at each other. However, I also had a deeper feeling that the mutual kiss wouldn’t come just yet…and it didn’t. Nevertheless, I was far from disappointed, especially after what happened next.

The intensity, desire, and yearning between Olivia and Natalia ramped up in a way previously unseen. As they caressed each other tenderly on the bench, Olivia admitted in a whispered tone just how beautiful she found Natalia. Olivia has told Natalia she was beautiful before but never in that manner. I felt Olivia just couldn’t hold back the desire anymore, and the words were ripped from her heart, just like her confession of love but in a more subtle way. I noticed the low burning flame in Olivia’s eyes had a direct effect on Natalia. I heard how she released a pent up breath before telling Olivia that she makes her feel beautiful when she looks at her in that way. At this moment, I knew they were so totally lost in their world that nothing else existed but them. When Natalia told Olivia she could sit and stare at her forever, I really felt the honesty in her words and knew she found Olivia just as beautiful. As Olivia explained that being close to her was enough, I received a total and complete shocker.

When Olivia told Natalia if sex never happens and that she wouldn’t love her any less, I was completely floored by her admission. I watched how temptation and the “horny monster” grip Olivia the week of June 8 at every turn. I knew she had listened to Blake’s advice, but I was genuinely shocked at how much she listened. The fact that Olivia was able to admit that loving Natalia was more important than sex cemented the fact that this is the love of her life. I knew that, of course, but I’m not sure Olivia knew how deeply Natalia held her heart until this moment. If the love of another person can fundamentally change your behavior and make you strive to be a better person, than there is no doubt that you have found true love. I think Olivia has known that Natalia was her true love deep down inside, but this revelation surfaced to the top for the first time. I think she started to walk the path in knowing Natalia is “the one.” With the admission that being with Natalia in a non-sexual way is something she can live with, there is no question of that fact. Just when I was beginning to process Olivia’s shocking confession, Natalia dropped another surprise on me.

Because I watched Natalia consume herself in guilt after sleeping with Frank, I wondered if sex with Olivia would be an issue. Natalia’s views on sex relate back to her Catholic upbringing and the fact that she became pregnant (out of wedlock) with Rafe when she was 16. From a conversation she had with Olivia on the March 11, 2009 episode, Natalia led me to believe she hasn’t been sexually intimate with anyone other than Gus and Frank. She views sex as a sin if it occurs outside of marriage, and I watched Natalia guilt-trip herself after sleeping with Frank. As a result, I’ve always been a bit concerned how Natalia views a sexual relationship with Olivia. To my infinite relief, she admitted she wants to be intimate with Olivia as a lover. In fact, Natalia almost seemed a bit surprised that Olivia would consider sex as optional in their relationship. Olivia also seemed a bit caught off guard that Natalia wanted that level of intimacy as well. I’m sure she was remembering how awful Natalia felt about sleeping with Frank; however, there were other reasons (namely her love for Olivia) as to Natalia’s guilt. In the end, I think Olivia was relieved she would get to express her love for Natalia in a physical way.

As they continued their discussion, I had to smile as they talked about their fears and non-fears about being sexually intimate. Natalia insisted she wasn’t afraid and then asked Olivia how she felt. Olivia tried to put on the brave front by shaking before nodding her head and admitting she was terrified. I laughed at Natalia’s reversal when she also admitted the truth and shared that she felt the same as Olivia. Natalia’s heartfelt “I love you” and promise to figure things out gave me hope and comfort. Her words also made me realize something else.

Since the Otalia love confession, I continue to notice that Natalia expresses her love verbally for Olivia far more than Olivia does for Natalia. I feel there is a reason for that. As I have stated before, Olivia wears her emotions on her sleeve when it comes to Natalia. She has done so for months, which is why Natalia knew Olivia loved her long before she confessed the words. I think Olivia doesn’t need to say how much she loves Natalia because it’s so incredibly expressive in her non-verbal communication. Because Natalia kept her emotions for Olivia largely sealed in a basement, it is different with her. I think Natalia expresses that love verbally to Olivia because she is introverted and made it hard for Olivia (and fans) to decipher her feelings. Therefore, I think Natalia feels the need to tell Olivia every chance she gets. I confess it would be nice to hear Olivia express her love a bit more verbally; however, as long as Natalia doesn’t doubt Olivia’s love (how could she?), then I’m fine with how they express their love.

During their conversation and touches of love, Natalia and Olivia were unaware that they were being watched. Rafe returned early from his jog, and he caught every suggestive gesture while Olivia and Natalia drowned in each other. I could read the disbelief in his face as realization sunk in, and I was concerned how he would confront them. Instead of taking on the situation head on, Rafe decided to process what he saw and fade out of the Otalia background by walking away.

Unaware they’d given themselves away, Natalia and Olivia continued their love fest in each other. Olivia confessed she never thought she could have what she had in Natalia and expressed that she was unworthy of it. Considering Olivia’s wild past and her ability to wreck lives, her statement made sense. Of course, Natalia countered by saying that it was untrue and expressed how much Olivia made her happy. I smiled at this entire exchange and laughed when Natalia volunteered to prove it through her “I love Olivia dance.” This was a nice way to lighten the heavy but completely enjoyable and emotional scenes between them, and it paved the way for Rafe to return with the new insight he’d gained.

I watched how Rafe observed Natalia and Olivia. I think he was still processing the idea that his mother was involved with another woman, which is why he didn’t confront them with what he saw. To be honest, I was glad Rafe didn’t unload on them right then. The last thing I needed was a “Frankenclipse” brought on by a potential “Rafertude” after Otalia’s beautiful but not so private moments.

After Olivia and Natalia made celebration plans and separated to prepare for dinner, Rafe made his way to the Beacon. Olivia hadn’t returned, and instead he found Jane babysitting Emma. When Jane invited Rafe inside and told him she would go visit her “friend,” I had an immediate reaction. Olivia needs to fire Jane. The emotional part of me wanted Jane to be fired for bringing Emma up to the spa and interrupting Olivia and Natalia on their getaway. I was annoyed at the time, but the rational side of my brain knew that wasn’t a valid reason to fire Jane. However, in hindsight, I wonder if Jane allowed herself to be “manipulated” by Emma on purpose. Jane might have been dating someone in the hotel since the spa getaway. Maybe she had got a call from her mystery date and decided to ship Emma up to the spa so she could have her fun back in Springfield. Regardless, I feel Olivia has justifiable grounds for terminating Jane if she learns about this. I wonder if Jane has been leaving Emma alone in the hotel room while visiting her special friend. All I know is that no one should “force” Jellybean to keep secrets like this and possibly risk her safety if she’s being left alone.

As Rafe talked with Emma, I could tell he was trying to pump her for information and decipher how much she knew about Olivia and Natalia. Listening to Emma’s response revealed two things: 1) her innocence and 2) her sincerity in how she views her mother and Natalia. Emma is too young to understand that there is a lot more going on between Olivia and Natalia, but she is wise beyond her years in seeing other aspects of their relationship. This scene between Rafe and Emma tugged at my heart and put a big smile on my face. There are times when I feel that Emma is the smartest person in this family. As Olivia recently said, Emma knew that she belonged with Natalia before they did. With Rafe, I feel that Emma was letting him know that she is in a loving environment and that their relationship has not been harmful to her upbringing. I think he will come to remember this moment with Emma in the future.

When Olivia and Natalia completed their errands, they both returned to the farmhouse for Rafe’s celebratory dinner. Since they were alone again, it was unsurprising that they had their guard down in their interactions with each other. As they laughed together and poured champagne, Rafe was watching from a distance. Unaware that they weren’t alone, Natalia decided to lift the curtain on some of her sensuality and reveal that side of herself to Olivia. Her intimate, whispered request for Olivia to have some champagne gave me an eyebrow raising moment. Natalia showed me that Olivia wasn’t the only one who could strike a match and light a low-burning flame. Judging by Olivia’s pleased facial expression, she had no complaints about this new side of Natalia either. As Olivia started to sip from the glass Natalia held to her lips, Rafe snapped them out of their private little world by calling out his mother’s name and demanding an explanation. I studied Natalia and then Olivia’s faces as they realized they’d been caught. I felt Natalia was trying to gauge Rafe’s reaction to see how upset he was and determine just how much he’d seen. Olivia looked worried about Natalia, and I felt she was trying to see if Natalia would get upset over Rafe’s unexpected discovery of their relationship. As Natalia stared at Rafe, I felt she just wasn’t sure what to say to him at that moment. I don’t think she expected to discuss her romantic relationship with Rafe so soon. As a result, I’m not sure Natalia was completely mentally prepared to talk to Rafe just yet.

The good news is that at this moment, he’s not full of anger. Although upset and flabbergasted at the idea of her and Olivia being a couple, I’m glad Rafe didn’t react with revulsion. If he totally felt repulsed by the idea of Olivia and Natalia being together, I don’t think he would have kept his thoughts to himself for as long as he did. To me, this is an encouraging sign right now. There might be some rough waters ahead; however, I honestly feel that no matter what happens, Rafe will grow to accept Natalia’s relationship with Olivia. As Natalia likes to say, he’s just going to need some time to adjust.

Note: If you comment and choose to leave a spoiler, please identify it in advance with the word “spoiler,” or even separate it out to alert me that a spoiler is coming. I read everyone’s comments, but if I see the word “spoiler,” I stop reading at that point. Again, I have my process to make the magic happen with these Otalia posts. Thanks everyone for your continued love and support!

Tags: crystal chappell, entertainment, guiding light, jessica leccia, lesbian, natalia, olivia, otalia, review, tv

This entry was posted on Sunday, June 14th, 2009 at 2:28 am and is filed under Commentary, Life, Play, Reviews. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.