On February 2, 2009, I was terminated by my employer due to business considerations. In short, I was laid off due to cutbacks, which was an effect of the economic downturn hitting everyone, everywhere. I can’t say that I didn’t see this coming, so I wasn’t overly shocked when they told me. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I had been mentally preparing myself for this possible outcome for several months. I tried to stay positive and hoped that the down economy wouldn’t grab me in its clutches, but I couldn’t evade its hungry claws.

I worked for my former employer for nearly two years. I left my Fortune 500 corporate job due to the corruption and craziness going on around me for an opportunity at a small firm. I felt I would be relatively safe from the corporate politics which plagued me previously, which I was, and somewhat safe from the huge, annual layoffs that the Fortune 500 company I worked at. All in all, working for my former employer was not a bad experience. I appreciated them for rescuing me from my corporate gig and gave my all (and then some) the two years that I worked there. Yes, I had my frustrations like anyone would at any job, but other than my own desire to change careers in recent months, it wasn’t a totally miserable experience working there.

Still, I wasn’t blind to what was going on around me. I didn’t ignore the decision by my former employer to forgo raises last year. I paid attention to the warning signs at the last employee meeting last month. I was getting ready to prepare. I was going to start looking for a new job. I thought I had at least a few months before the axe dropped; however, I was all wrong about the timing. Way wrong.

When I was called into the conference room for an impromptu meeting, I already knew what was coming. I could see it on the managers’ somber faces when they looked at me as I sat down. I could see that they did actually regret terminating my employment due to cutbacks. I also could see that they expected me to react badly to the news, and when I didn’t, I could also see the surprise in their faces. Why the surprise?

• Because I took the news with class and didn’t have a freak out
• Because I told them that I understood
• Because I kept my head up and told them that I will land on my feet with a smile on my face
  
• Because I remained cool when I should have been hot before packing my things and taking that long walk towards the elevator

I know I left a good impression that my former employers won’t forget. I know that one day they will regret letting someone as talented, sharp, and intelligent like me go. But one person’s loss is another person’s gain. In the mean time, I’m just trying to deal with a new and totally foreign experience…being an involuntary free agent.

I have worked steadily since I was 15 years old. Finding myself involuntarily unemployed is an entirely new situation for me. I never have been unemployed unless I chose to be during some of my college years. Otherwise, I have always worked and taken care of myself. I prided myself on being financially dependent at an early age and relying on myself for anything I needed or wanted. There have been times in the past when I have been down to my last few dollars, but I would rather suffer in silence until a check arrived rather than ask anyone for financial assistance. It’s not that no one would help me because they would. It’s just that I have this thing called pride, and the need to be dependent on myself has been ingrained in my soul for many, many years. When it comes to helping others financially or in any other capacity, that’s easy for me to do. When it comes to others helping me in terms of financial assistance…well, I don’t do so great in that area. Again, I have this thing about taking care of myself without anyone’s help. Letting someone else take care of me is not something I’m good at doing. However, I realize there may be a point that I have to depend on someone else…at least for a little while. It’s not something that’s easy for me to deal with by any means, but I will have to learn to swallow my pride if and when it’s necessary.

If you have been following me on Twitter, I described some of the emotions I was feeling throughout the past few days: shock, numbness, disbelief, calmness, depression, and even some positivity. I’m not bitter, and I’m not really angry. I think I have spent about an hour this week being really upset, but I pulled myself together and tried to look on the bright side because there is one.

I had been unhappy for months at my former job. I had more than a few days where I felt like quitting on the spot because I felt like I was suffocating. I was suffocating because there was an artist trapped inside the business clothes that’s been screaming to get out. I reached a point where a career change was in order – one that involved doing something artistic and something that I had passion for. I still feel that way, and maybe what happened to me was a wake up call to really pursue my dreams with fierce determination and sharp focus. So in a weird way, I equate being laid off as being set free from my cage after banging my head against the bars all these years. Nothing happens without a reason. I don’t feel like I was set free only to fail outside of the zoo. There is something good out there in the wilderness, and I will wander upon it.

Tags: economy, free agent, unemployed

This entry was posted on Friday, February 6th, 2009 at 10:37 pm and is filed under Commentary, Life, The Daily Grind, The Machine. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.