The Dreaded Coworker/Team Lunches
I was recently faced with a situation that I easily avoided at my previous employer: the coworker/team lunch. I avoided these lunches – or coworker baby showers, Christmas gatherings, going away parties, etc. – like the plague in the past, simply because I wanted to have my lunch in peace and not think about work. Eating with my coworkers often reminded me of the unnecessary stress at the office, or I was forced to make nice with someone I did not like.
Don’t get me wrong. The situation is different at my new company. It’s not that I dislike my coworkers. I get along with everyone on my team just fine; however, I am a loner and prefer a quiet lunch by myself instead of going out somewhere with teammates. I also believe that when I’m at work, I’m only required to work, not to socialize. It doesn’t mean that I don’t ever chat with my teammates, but when I’m on the clock, I’m in a work mindset for the most part. However, I recently had a bit of an internal conflict, resulting in unnecessary peer pressure.
A coworker on my team is leaving the company. I was asked to attend the goodbye lunch. Now, I hate going to those types of lunches more than any other kind, so I turned it down when the email went out. However, I was unaware that there was also a team lunch, different than the other goodbye lunch, planned for this departing coworker until it was sprung on me that very day. Normally, these invites come through email, but the person who invited me did so in front of my coworkers and wasn’t the most subtle about their desire for me to go. The person who asked me to attend the team lunch meant well, but the way it was put forth to me, I felt like I didn’t have a choice but to say “Yes” and go to the luncheon since I was put on the spot. Instead of outright saying “No,” I told that coworker I would think about it.
I was faced with a dilemma that I haven’t had to face in years. I honestly don’t like doing coworker lunches, yet I don’t want to come off like I’m totally anti-social and don’t care about the people I work with, especially since I’m still relatively new. On the other hand, there are reasons why I don’t attend going away lunches. They sometimes can be a little sappy and downright cheesy. I have no desire to reflect over “the good times” or listening to coworkers gush about how they will miss the departing coworker. I also don’t feel entirely comfortable going to them if it’s a person I don’t know very well. In this particular instance, I hadn’t worked with that person long enough to feel like I should be attending their going away lunch, even if I was interested in attending. Additionally, I don’t like to have non-related work discussions with coworkers, and naturally, that’s going to be the case because no one wants to talk about work at lunch. Because I don’t talk about myself, I’m sure someone would try to find out more about the person I am when I’m not work. There’s no harm in their intentions, but I maintain a strict balance between work life and personal life. Never the twain shall meet.
So, while I was “thinking about it,” I was trying to come up with a nice way to turn the invite down. The easiest excuse was to say that I was in the middle of something, and oddly enough, that turned out to be the case when the time came for the team lunch. I didn’t have to tell a little white lie.
I didn’t worry that I was the only one who didn’t attend the team lunch. For people who worry about their careers and offending someone by not attending these sort of events, this may look bad. It may appear that I’m not a member of the team and like to separate myself from others. I am a member of the team; I just don’t do team or company lunches or anything resembling a get together. I decided to stay true to myself instead of surrendering to peer pressure by attending something that I really don’t like to attend.
I was once asked why I didn’t attend the company lunches or events, etc. by some past coworkers. I was blatantly honest: that it wasn’t my sort of thing. One coworker then said, “Well, whenever you leave here, aren’t you concerned that no one will attend your goodbye party?” I replied with the following answer: “Nope, it doesn’t concern me since I don’t care to have one.” True to my word, I didn’t have a going away party when I left, either. Nothing is more cheesier to me than sitting at a table while people try to come up with embarrassing or funny stories about you while you squirm uncomfortably in your seat.