I often watch the E! channel’s True Hollywood Story (THS) series. I’ve been a fan of the show from the very beginning and not only because of the stars but also because I’m fascinated with the journey they took before reaching famous heights. The one line I often hear in THS stories is this:

I packed my bags, took my savings, and drove to LA/New York.

For someone, meaning me, who isn’t big on risks, I think that’s an amazing thing to do. These people have a dream and seek out the cities to fulfill those dreams without often having a plan. They often end up sleeping in a cheap hotel until the money runs out before sleeping on a family member’s or friend’s couch just to pursue their dreams of acting, singing, or whatever. To do something like that takes a lot of guts, and there are people doing it everyday just looking for one opportunity to make it big. To be honest, that makes me envious.

I wish I could do something like that. Yes, I know that I can pack a bag and pursue my dreams, but I’m just not wired that way in a deep and fundamental way. If I were to follow this type of route, I would have to have a plan before I took one step towards my destination. I can’t just wake up one day, pack my things, and drive off without knowing I had a place to stay and a job to support myself before I got there. I am not the type of person who worries about those details once I arrive and let the chips fall where they may. I’m just not spontaneous that way and never will be. I am a planner, a chess player who plans every move in the game before I make a move. I’ve accepted that fact about myself, but I truly admire people who don’t sweat those details and will work two or three jobs just so they can get their foot in the door of whatever goal they’re pursuing. I respect that; however, it also makes me realize that I’m not doing enough to make my dreams happen.

I know I haven’t revealed what dream(s) I’m pursuing, and I plan to keep it that way. If you’ve been reading my blog, you only know a piece of the story. I have had a dream since my early teen years to work and make a living doing what I love. I heavily pursued those goals during my college years until I hit a bump in the road called life. I ended up getting a job that slowly consumed my time until I didn’t have the time or the energy to focus on living my dreams. Now, while I don’t have to pack a literal bag and leave to pursue my dream, I have a little problem with motivation right now on top of being at a crossroads in my life. I’m trying to answer the all important question of “what’s next?” and don’t know how to do that yet. Every day, I grow more restless with the work that I’m doing just to pay the bills. Every day, I wake up and realize that I’ve got to change career paths. I just know that it’s time for a change in an entirely different direction.

Like I indicated earlier, I don’t know what’s next. I have a short list of things I’d like to do and make a living doing what I truly love. I’m realistic enough to know that unless I really blow up in the area I’m pursuing, I will need to work another job to help make ends meet. I would like to be able to enjoy my work in the “make ends meet” job as well. I have some ideas but nothing definitive; however, I do know it’s work that I need to be passionate about, something I no longer feel as much in my current career path. I make good money in my current career and could make way better money living in a larger city, but money isn’t everything to me. It’s more important for me to be happy and passionate about my work, especially if it’s something I have to do 5 days a week. Maybe it’s time I packed a bag to pursue a dream.

Posted on Thursday, June 14th, 2007 at 1:19 pm in the category:Life, Play. Comment RSS 2.0 feed. Comment it , or trackback this post.